Run-On Punishment
Author's note: Please don’t take the jokes here seriously. During the story, there may be some run-on sentences that could imply a death threat. I am not being serious if it comes across that way. I appreciate all of you for the criticism; this is just for fun and giggles.
Back in medieval times, we had this incredibly obscure punishment called the "run-on punishment"—a very creative name—where writers punished critics and forced them to sit down and read unnecessarily long and nonsensical, hard-to-read, and stupid paragraphs with nothing but commas and a period at the end, as though the writer didn’t spend enough time in English class. And when they stopped, they usually threw up.
Back in the 14th century, I wrote one of these stories to punish whoever criticized my works for grammatical errors... You are REQUIRED to read and try not to throw up. The following has no grammatical corrections (this will also have the lowercased "i," so if that is your weakness, you are not going to enjoy this), so suffer...
"back in the 14th century, people who criticized writers for grammar issues, plotholes, and stuff, they are allowed to be punished by the author and are told to read this absolute dogwater mess, there are no turn backs, so if you stop and throw up because you are reading for too long, you have lost and will need to read the message again, so now, i will ramble on and on about unrelated stuff because i have nothing to talk about, so i will ramble on and on and on and on about nonsence, yes, nonsence, not nonsense, by the way, if you managed to read it this far, then well, congratulations, but that is not all, so there is a time where someone read this passage and started to gouge out their hyper realistic eyes while throwing up at the same time, i even showed this to my langauge arts teacher, yes, langauge, not language, language arts teacher this stupid story and she gouged her own eyes out with hyper realistic blood coming out, yeah, that actually did happen, but when i was interrogated by the police, they asked me why i caused many grammar nazis, no, not adolf hitler or the world war 2 nazis, grammar nazis to kill themselves by gouging their eyes out and causing hyper realistic eyes out, like how is that even possible, i answered that i punished them because they complained about my sick writing skills, and how i know what skin is bone is, yeah, speaking of skin is bone, skin is bone is a interesting phrase, and that is the only thing said by the grammar nazis before hyper realistically pulling their own eyes out, anyway, the police was so amazed by my punishments and we shaked hands, i teamed up with the law enforcement and many grammar nazis have died due to the grammatical errors and they wasted their valuable vomit that i could have took samples of and put it on ebay, yeah, that is a plot hole right there like the rest of this paragraph because ebay did not exist back in the 14th century, okay, what am i even writing anymore, at this point, i am clearly just saying stuff to make this bullcrap long than it needs to be, i will end this off until on google doc, i reach the 10 page and this punishment will end sooner than later, anyway, do you guys want a break, whats that, you do, well, i am sorry but the break is not coming to you, oh and i just realized that i added another plot hole, i said google doc, that did not exist yet, and if you made it beyond this point, then congratulations to you, because many readers did not make it this far, specifically 1000000000000000000 of them, as they all died, with their eyes gouged out, of course, the blood is required to be hyper realistic, when is it not, exactly, however, because of this, i am getting very suspicious of you, reader, i demand for you to go back and reread this again, wait a second, you have gag reflex and can read without taking a moment to breath, well, start gagging and breath as vomit sprays out of your mouth and onto your computer, phone, or whatever, i do not know and i do not care about the device you are reading this on, and go back to the start of this paragraph and read again, then you will learn your lesson to not cheat over this poor excuse of a story, i am actually feeling sorry for you, why are you even reading this still, yes, that is right, redemption arc baby, not as i am afraid you have to continue reading, the law enforcement wants me to write more as we need to wipe out the grammar nazis off the face of the planet, as we know it, many of them at this point has gouged their eyes out, and they were thrown in to jail, with their eyes removed of course, and as a reward for those who has been reading without any hacks or cheats or whatever you did, you do not have to reread this, and to the folks who have been rereading after many times, taking a guess that you have read this 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 times, then congratulations, you have reached the end of this incredibly long paragraph, if you did not get that, then let me repeat myself to make that clear, then congratulations, you have reached the end of this incredibly long paragraph, then congratulations, you have reached the end of this incredibly long paragraph, then congratulations, you have reached the end of this incredibly long paragraph, okay, got that, that is good, and this marks the end of this paragraph."
I am sorry for wasting your time with this punishment. Yeah, it was cruel, but just note, you didn’t really need to read (or reread) this. But chances are, you probably did, and there’s probably so much vomit on your screen… Sorry about that. Also, if you didn’t breathe once, there is actually something wrong with you.
Are you scared of the use of hyper-realism in the LONG paragraph? No? Okay, yeah, I expected that. Now, this is between me and you, the reader; let’s pretend this post never existed. It never did, actually.
The scariest part of this "story" actually is how what you’ve been reading doesn’t exist. And honestly, I probably don’t exist either, and gasp, maybe you don’t exist.
That’s the dead internet theory for you.
Credited to JosephTheSnail
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