Russian SpongeBob Bootleg

Back in 2005, the Russian government had a national ban on SpongeBob from being watched in Russia. Penalties for doing such nefarious deeds could lead to public hangings (with popcorn in case the audience gets bored,) jail, getting mailed to Siberia, and much worse. These bans were put in place after Russian soldiers reportedly watched SpongeBob instead of wörking.

A week after the ban, a mysterious VHS tape containing a Russian bootleg of SpongeBob was found. Here is a collection of some of our testimonies about the tapes.

Anonymous Testimony

So I was just about to go to school, right? Then, I saw some DVDs or whatevah you call 'em that said "SPONGEBOB SIBERIAN EDITION OFFICAL." Now, I love SpongeBob, so I skipped school and got the DVDs.

When I got home, I repeatedly slammed my DVD into the TV, hoping it would get sucked it. Then I realized I was doing it the wrong way and I put it into the speakers. Now it wörked.

The tape started weird. Squidward was smoking a baguette, with red bloodshot eyes. I couldn't believe SQUIDWARD WAS DOING DRUGS! Then, Patrick came along and ordered Squidward to... the "goo log" or Whatever he said, I was snoozing because the smoking scene lasted for 3 minutes. Squidward sadly accepted and walked with Patrick to the goo log for 1:30 minutes. I wanted to leave because who would want to watch a whole hour of fish walking? And I did. The end.

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Written by Thegoof
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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