SHREKDROWNED.exe

After an all day Shrekathon (where you watch every Shrek movie consecutively while jacking it nonstop) I got really hooked on Shrek, so I went to thepiratebay and downloaded an emulator for my favorite childhood game, SHREK SWAMP KART RACING™ EXTREME II: FAR FAR AWAY boogaloo

I DLed it and scanned it with Norton and it was all legit so I opened the folder piratebay sent me. Inside was a file called shrekdrowned.exe and as soon as I saw it the sky turned blood red and a ghost appeared in my house and some creepy shit appeared in my window. I thought it was all normal though so I started the .exe.

It started with absolutely Shrektastic gameplay and I could feel my boner rising like a dragon out of a lake of pants as I played.

but as I played I noticed the music was reversed and the level said LEVEL 1-666 and a message said I'd die if I kept playing but I thought it was a game glitch so I kept playing.

I got through the first level and into the swamp and then I met Donkey with his cool-ass sunglasses. My erection was now as large as fucking Hogwarts and the level started, but I died and I noticed when I died Shrek looked at the screen and pointed at me.

"oi laddy," the 8-bit text read, "YOU CAUSED ME TO DIE."

The game reset and flashed to Shrek in water surfing on an onion while drowning. I freaked out and threw my computer out the window and into the path of an oncoming banana truck. The next day though I found the computer in my room with the start screen to shrekdrowned sitting there. I figured it was just some glitch so I kept playing.

But this time the level said -666-SLENDER-666-.EXE-.BAT and shit was fucked up. Shrek pulled out a gun and killed Farquaad and then pointed to me and said "oi laddy," the 8-bit text read, "shoulda CHECKED YOURSELF FORE YE shrekked YOURSELF". The screen blacked out and Shrek was gone, but in the shadow of the light behind me I saw a gigantic boner. I turned around and saw a hulking green figure behind me.

I never finished shrekdrowned.exe.

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