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...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.

Oh, god... I just need to tell this to you. To you, and whoever's behind you, peeking over your shoulder (It happens, you know).

What happened.

I went to Gamestop one day. I saw a copy of what seemed to be "STREET FIGHTER V." This is impossible, I thought, but I grabbed it anyway. I was saucin' (I censor myself, so I don't look white trash) excited. When I got home, I looked at the disc. It seemed to be a PS2 disc. I began setting up the PS2 and noticed that there was no rating on the games cover. In fact, It looked like it was made with the paint program. Here's the cover:

Anyway, I put the disc in the PS2 and began the game.

The opening was Akuma staring into the night sky. He seemed sad. The stars began to move, glow, and flicker. Akuma became shocked, then angry. I think he whispered "Messatsu," but I'm not sure. He leaped towards the stars, which were now falling towards him. The stars transformed into metal versions of Akuma with blue eyes that illuminated. They fought Akuma, who killed them one by one in 1-3 hits. Each time one died, blood would spray out of where they where hit. Blood's not an usual thing in Street Fighter games, I know that. Akuma turned around to see Ryu and another Metal Akuma. This Metal Akuma held Ryu captive. Akuma freed Ryu and killed the imposter. Akuma walked away from Ryu, who was confused at this point, then fog appeared on screen. The title showed.

I decided to go to training mode. The playable character's were Ryu, Ken, Dan, Sakura, Guy, Akuma, Hugo, and a new character named "Gou-Saru."

Ryu had no bandana on his head, and had blue gloves rather than red ones. Ken's hair was short, and his Gi was now dark-red. Dan was normal except he was seemingly depressed. Sakura's outfit was soaked in blood, but it went along with her demented smile. Guy seemed to have been changed greatly, due to him wearing casual-clothing. Akuma had no shirt, exposing a scar across his chest. Hugo was normal, he had Poison on his shoulder though. But Gou-Saru was more noticeable. He had a green Gi soaked in blood, similar to Sakura's school girl outfit. He had purple, long hair and grey gloves.

I chose to play as Guy. The CPU was a Metal Akuma. I had fun brushing up my Street Fighter skills, then went on to arcade mode.

Again, I chose Guy. I fought Sakura first. Guy was sitting down, but got up. Sakura was giggling in a creepy way. The stage was Street Fighter Alpha's stage for Birdie. Every time Sakura leaped into the air, she'd let out a scream of malice. I beat her with little difficulty. Guy's victory message was "I'm sure a straight-jacket will look good on you." I chuckled at this.

The next fight was Ryu in Ken's stage from Street Fighter II. Ryu was staring into the sky then noticed Guy. He then said "I'm ready to fight." He spammed Shoryukens, but I defeated him anyways. Guy's victory message then said "You're not ready. You're only eager."

Then I had to fight Dan, who resided in a new desert stage. He was balled up and crying, and when he saw Guy, he said "Leave me be." The fight begun, but Dan was still balled up, continuing to cry. I low kicked him, and he was now rolling around, screaming in pain. The fight ended. Guy then said "Let's not torture him. He's depressed enough already."

Ken was the next opponent, and we fought in his stage from Street Fighter Alpha 2. Ken was adjusting his belt, then said with a voice like Goku's (Dragon ball Z character)voice, "Let's get this over with." He struck first, but I countered him with a throw. He fell through the floor, which broke, and the fight ended. Guy looked down the hole and his victory message displayed. It said "Oops!"

The next fight was not on the character screen (It was the boss, so I guess it makes sense), and was a nude version of R.Mika called, "Succabus." A cutscene cued, starting with a shot of the desert, now in night-time, with the characters I previously defeated and other Street Fighter characters trapped in gimp-suits. Guy walked up to these characters, a shocked expression on his face. Then Succabus appeared. "Another sexy victim, I see," she said, "you'll be nice to play with." Guy jumped into his fighting stance. The fight begun, and Guy was easily defeated.

Succabus then trapped him into a gimp-suit. She cocked her head to me and said "Won't you join us, cutey?" I was scared somewhat. The game forced me back to the character select, except the only character there was... (Pausing for dramatic effect.)... ME! I was a chibi version of Guy in a light-blue shirt and dark-blue jeans, as well as black sneakers. It even had my name there!

I selected myself and saw another cut scene. She was really excited to see me, I knew that. She jumped up and down, saying "I'm going to enjoy and cherish this moment! I know it!"

My move-set had the special attacks of Guy, except the leap into the air move was not there as well as the spinning kick. But, I did have the Shoryuken.

I fought her and nearly didn't survive, but I defeated her with a super Shoryuken called "Jeiden Hiryo no ken." Succabus fell down. I had no victory message. A cutscene appeared, showing the Succabus melting and the other characters being freed, and earning their original clothes (Except Sakura, who was in a straight-jacket), and then celebrating. I turned the game off after entering my initials (I got first place!), then sat down.


I was reflecting on what happened, when I heard Succabus's voice again. She said "Don't forget your souvenir!" A pair of panties flew and landed on my head, then gave me a headache. Long story short, she had me "do" a favor in order to stop the torture.

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