Scariest Creepypasta Ever (OOT)

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...Or in all situations, at any time, any place, and by any audience for that matter.


One day I found game itt wuz okarina of tim it was bootiful, so i put it in console and pley it but game is wrong and i can't play it anymore because screen is black, and then i see link and he red eyed, and i ask "y u red eye?" and he says "I dunno".

Then he goes and kills cuckoos, then shopkeeper comes and he has a shotgun, and then cutscene, and then link pulls out a grenade, and then shop man pulls out a bazooka, and link pulls out nuclear bomb, then he pulls out a black hole out of his ass, and link says "oh sheet" but cuts its head before he could move and then decorate it with flowers then. Then he e goes out and an unicorn comes from the heavens, but it happens it's not an unicorn because he has dolphin lower body and horse tail, then the unicorn says "I like to have tickle fights with Elmo and Osama Bin Laden".

Then a talking moose came swimming from the grass, and that doesn't even make sense, and he hitted the unicron with his dick and they started fighting, then Link uses rainbow Gary-Stu powers and kills them both, then he eats the grass for no reason, and I'm like "wut da fuq is goin' on". Then the talking moose comes swimming in my floor and I wuz scared, but then moose licked me in eye and gave vision. I was a wearing a viking suit and sliding down a ice-cream mountain with Bill Gates by my side and thousands of people watching from chair things that I don't know how they're called.

Suddenly a horse comes and says "Sup", and I say "Sup", and then link appears and says "u ded", and the horse says "oh sheet", and then I say "oh noes", and then horse explodes for no apparent reason, but then it appears he was filled with fake silicone boobs, and they flew everywhere and one fell in link's face and he ate it with his nose, and the fake boob went to his butt, and made his butt look like a big butt.

Then he pulled out a balloon and made weird annoying sound with balloon, and it was horriblu, but then saria appeared out of nowhere, and said "Sup betch", and then the universe exploded and I got pregnant, I dunno why, and i gave birth to a whale, which i loved so much, and then i died old because i ate too many bottles, and bottles weren't meant to be eaten, but no one taught me that, and then I was sad because I was ded.

But then i woke up and moose was eating my hair, and I was like "yo wat du fuq u doin", and the moose said "hair makes me moist", and then link went out of my screen, and I was like "nope", and started to do a silly dance, and in the confusion I got away in my private jetpack, with my pilot who was a stick, and he was good pilot and we got away, but then I go to bathroom and look at mirror, and mirror says look at toilet, and when I look at toilet, something horrible happens "Nooes!" someone left the toilet seat up "wat kind of monster could do dis?" and then link came up, with a tutu, and I asked "y u wear tutu" and he said "cuz pants are too mainstream" and it was horrible cause, he was evil, and hipster.

Then I ran away and jumped from the plane, cause I'm just smart like that, and then link is giving me a piggyback in the middle of a mall, and I'm like "weeee" and then I was falling from the plane, and landed in the flying unicorn dolphin, weird abomination of nature, and then he said "look at my ass", and i looked at his ass, and he happened to have a screen with wifi, and I started watching cat videos, cause they're funny, but then link comes up thrusting himself by peeing, it was like a turbine but with pee, and he said "ur dumb" and the unicorn said "nuuu" and he fell down, upwards for some reason.

And while I was going up I met god, and he said "hello son" and I said "hai", and he said "bai", and I said "bai", and then I landed in the land of teletubbies, don't ask how, and then me and link had an epic sword battle, thought I was using teletubbies as a weapon, and he killed them with sword, and I said "I don't like teletubbies anyway", and teletubbie said "wow ur dumb", and I stole link's sword and then murdered the teletubbie, and link was like "dude wut da fuq", and I was like "I not dumb he dumb", and he said "u sick", and I said "no u sick", and he said "no u sick", and I said "no u sick", and he said "no u sick", and I said "no u sick", and he said "no u sick", and I said "no u sick", and he said "no u sick", and I said "fuk it, ur dumb", and he said "well ur dumb", and I said "fak u".

He sliced my wallet, and for some reason that killed me, and then we both got sucked into a blackhole landed in japan, thought this time I was a power ranger, and he was godzilla, and I said "now u ded", and he said "no u ded", and then I pulled stone and said "activate weird thingy that I don't know how it's called!", and then nothing happened, and a japanese dude slapped me in the face and insulted me, in a language that wasn't even human, and then I throw thing and it happens to be pokeball, and I was trainer, and he trainer as well and, I threw pokeball and said "go magikarp!", and he threw pokeball as well, and said "go magikarp", and I said "magikarp use splash!", and he said "magikarp use splash!", and I said "magikarp use splash!", and he said "magikarp use splash!", and I said "magikarp use splash!", and he said "magikarp use splash! and I said "magikarp, use super mega omega deadly annihilating world destroying super duper incredible hyper beam" and then it shooted at link, and the universe blew up again, he was not ded, but his magikarp was ded, and he said "go arceus!", and then arceus came up, and I was like "oh sheet", and I said "magikarp use dubstep!", and then everyone started dancing dubstep, even the birds and the squirrels, and the bugs, and jupiter, and saturn and microscopic organisms and idontevenknow, but then link was like "nope", and he shot at a mountain, and he murdered the mountain, and the mountain said "y u do dis", and link said "shut up you ded", and the mountain said "oh ok", and it was ded.

Then we both had gentlemen suits, and he shouted "Objection! Ur too dumb!", and I was like "Objection! Ur more dumb!", and he said "Objection! Ur gay!", and I said "Objection! Ur straight!", and then a big t-rex ate us both. There we met pinocchio, but he was bad person because he said "get the fuk out", and we got out, and we were scared because we were homeless, but we started a business of pumpkin carvings, thought people were using them to vomit because it sucked so much, and I was like "da fuq". Then a big lady crept out of nowhere and said "pls save mah kitteh!", and we said "what kitteh", and she said "that kitteh", and she pointed at a tree "it's name is super fluffy cutetsy tootsy super delicious wait wut hair ball maker kittypet super dooper kawaii desu", and I said "K"

I called the cat "hey, super fluffy cutetsy tootsy super delicious wait wut hair ball maker kittypet super dooper kawaii desu!" but suddenly, it started to flip the fuck out, and fell in a sewer hole that was opened, because a butterfly had opened it, and it was like "oops", and I was like "it's cool bro", then the cat lifted into the heavens, and he said "I am jesus", and I said "no way", and he said "yes way", and I said "no way", and he said "nah i'm kidding, you're hallucinating", and link said "but i see u too", and the cat said "fak u all", and the cat made a kame hame ha and destroyed the world.

Then I was falling upwards again, and god was like "nope", and he dragged me down into a bouncy castle, and link was there, and he said "u ded muthafucka", and then sonic appeared and said "ur 2 slow!", and he left, and then link said "u ded", and i said "nuuu", and then I was ded, and I said "ur dumb", and link said "but ur ded", and I said "fak u, i'm going to mcdonalds".

I ordered a cheese burger, but they didn't have any, and I screamed "they don't have cheeseburgers?!", and link screamed "they don't have cheeseburgers!", and the guy that gives food said "pls don't kill me", and I said "nope", and a giant penis came from the heavens and squished him, I looked up and saw that it was the unicorn, he wasn't ded afterall, and the unicorn says "Remember kids, always brush your teeth! and if a stranger offers you drugs, say thanks! because drugs are expensive", and me and link said "thanks unicorn with dolphin body and a big dick!", and then he lifted his dick and went back to magic land.

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