Sherlock Bones: Calcium Detective
Sherlock Bones hadn't always been a skeleton detective, once he had been a live man of flesh and blood. But the things he sees on the job had long ago made him jump out of his skin. Now, he and his sidekick Dr Long Wishbone investigate crimes against Great Britain's bone density.
One of his most Harrowing cases was the mystery of the missing milk. Schools across Scunthorpe had their weekly milk rounds snatched. What sort of scunts would commit such a crime?
TORY SCUNTS.
Of course! Sherlock used his lightning fast deduction to track down the local conservative party headquarters, where he saw a milk float driving away! He pounded after it in a thrilling chase, flagging down a taxi and giving hot pursuit. The milk float couldn't outpace him for long, and he soon rammed it.
But who should be the culprit but probable prime minister Liz Truss, doubtless on the prowl for fuel for more of her devilish, Calcium locking cheese, so much stinkier and less efficient at building young bones than an honest Carton?
Bones gulped, knowing his end was probable in such a tussle. He passed the wheel of his fear powered oldsmobile to trustworthy Dr Wishbone, and leaped onto the purloined wagon of Liquid goodness.
Truss turned on him, giving out a reptilian hiss.
"Fuck off you skinny cunt, you don't know what you're dealing with!" Bones was undaunted, and dived for the Float's wheel. the two careered off course into a local cemetery, where disaster struck.
Every milk bottle shattered at once, forming a river of liquid goodness that travelled all the way to Chelsea. The heartless individual and the Skelton were both swept along in the river of Calcium, Liz weakening in the melted form of what she loved most just as Bones grew mightier. but all that changed when they washed up at the grave of none other than Margret Thatcher.
The Milk whetted the Undead queen's appetite for the bones of Northerners, and she rose once against to Liz's ecstatic shrieks, ready to level down once again. Bones had only moments to prevent her marching to battle against Nicola Sturgeon, a battle that would doubtless tear the blessed isles apart.
"You are nothing Bones. It's all over. We're going to Neo your whole liberal elite into the ground!"
Bones gave back a Boney smile (Not that he ever stopped smiling, not having lips. It's all in the sockets with skeletons.)
"But I voted for Brexit. That makes you two remainer filth and more woke than me!"
Thatcher at once caught light at her dream of European intergration going up in smoke at the hands of her heirs, and Truss, although trying to pretend to be happy too, was soon up in flames the same shade as the lib dem badges she'd once proudly worn. Bone's spine snapped too under the weight of bile he'd unleashed, but he'd won, and could die smiling.
Credited to scannerofcrap
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