Shrek 5: The Shrekoning part 2
Part one here.
You know that DVD I told you about, Shrek 5: The Shrekoning? I got the DVD back from the mail, and I was confused. I was at my house one day, and I was looking at the DVD I retrieved. I remember this movie, and due to my curious mind, I chose to re-watch the movie. Big mistake.
Remember when I told you guys last time about the scene where Shrek kills people with an axe and onionades, and burns down the village? The scene replayed again. I sat down and watched it, and it got to the scene where Shrek said "You're next" and punches the screen. Well, that didn't happen this time. I was confused by this. Shrek instead came to another town holding an axe, and then walked into the other town. The next scene made Shrek's other kills seem tame in comparison. He grabbed a man and he bit the man's head right off. He chewed the man's head and there was blood everywhere. He then threw the headless body into a wood chipper, and blood splattered everywhere. Shrek then ate a man whole, and it showed the man dissolving in Shrek's stomach acid. It was extremely graphic and I almost threw up. "Have a good time... IN MAH BELLEH!" Shrek said. Shrek then swung his axe at others and chopped their heads off, and then threw onionades everywhere in the town. The onionade stench poisoned the town and killed many people.
"Hey, you remember when I said 'You're next,' (my real name)?" Shrek asked. How did he know my real name? Shrek then jumped out of the television, and Shrek was standing next to me. He was holding an axe and 5 onionades. He swung his axe at me, and I rolled out of the way before he could hit me. "OY LADDEH," Shrek said, "are you ready to be Shrek'd?" I was extremely scared. Shrek swung his axe at me and I rolled out of the way again. I ran away from Shrek and he threw one of his onionades at me. I covered my mouth and held my breath, and it exploded. I ran into the bathroom, and I got away from the poison onionade gas.
Shrek swung his axe at the bathroom door. It made a hole on the door, and then Shrek looked at me through the door's hole. It reminded me of the "Here's Johnny" scene from The Shining. Before he could get at me, John Madden broke into my house and fought Shrek. John Madden shoop da wooped Shrek and while he was doing that, I ran out of the bathroom, grabbed the Shrek 5 DVD out of my DVD player, put it back in the box, and ran out of my house.
I looked inside from the window and Shrek and Madden were still fighting. Shrek threw an onionade, and the stench killed Madden. However, Madden got back up after the onionade, and used god powers on Shrek. He threw a giant football at Shrek, and I ran back inside. Shrek grabbed his axe and chased after me, but Madden used the force and stopped Shrek.
"Why are you doing this, Shrek? You are love, you are life," I said. Shrek dropped his axe, and I ran next to Madden and kicked him so hard that he dropped Shrek with his force. Shrek then killed Madden with his axe, and Madden was dead for real this time. "God, his games were horrible," I said. "But you... You are love and life." Shrek chose not to kill me and went back inside the Shrek 5: The Shrekoning DVD.
I am never going to watch Shrek 5: The Shrekoning again, so I gave the DVD away. I went to a random neighborhood, and put the DVD in their mail slot on their door. I am glad that Shrek 5 is gone forever. I went back to my house and re-watched the first four Shrek films. John Madden came back to life when I was delivering Shrek 5, and made more of those crappy Madden football games.
The End.
Credited to Whatsit88 and Justin Menard
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