Simpsons: Hit & DIE

Hello there. My name is Logan. I am a huge fan of the game The Simpsons: Hit & Run. I recently purchased a PS2 from a local game store and needed games. I went on eBay and looked for The Simpsons: Hit & Run because I loved that game a lot as a kid. I was browsing through and to my surprise a lot of the listings were crazy expensive! Though, I found one listing for the game in near mint condition that was only $6.66. I bought it immediately and it shipped really quick. When it came in the mail, I was very excited to play my old childhood game again! But, that was what I thought before I started playing…

I opened the package (it was very poorly packed) and took out the game. The case was cracked but I didn’t care. All I knew was that the game was in perfect condition. I immediately went over to my PS2 and put the game in. I was giddy! I sat down and waited for the game to load up. When it loaded, it said “The Simpsons: Hit & DIE”. I thought it was just a glitch, and didn’t care all that much. The game opened weirdly, since Homer was immediately in his car. I began to drive around and hit pedestrians, but the difference was that when I hit them, the game would play a scream, like, a real scream. It sounded like someone was actually being run over by a car. There was also bone crunching sounds when Homer ran over someone and there was also lots and lots and lots of blood, I mean, a LOT of blood.

I was very disturbed. I tried to take the disc out, but Homer came out of his car and came up to the screen when I tried to take the disc out. He said “You can’t do anything, Logan. You will be my next victim in Springfield! I will kill you. You’re next.” I was terrified. How did the game know my name? And how on earth was I going to get to Springfield? Then, Homer pulled out a revolver and committed suicide right in front of the screen. The screen was then covered with hyper-realistic blood and Homer screamed as he died. But, Homer was not dead, and in fact, IN. MY. HOUSE!

I turned around to see a life-size Homer statue. It came to live and it had a bloody knife with him. He said “You’re going to die now, Logan!” I grabbed my trusty flamethrower and burnt that fucker to the ground! He screamed in agony and I blasted him with flames, but I didn’t care. I just wanted the Homer statue GONE. It turned into ash. I rolled up a joint with the ashes and hotboxed my living room. Smoking on Homer pack made me faded than a motherfucker. I am currently baked writing this, and I just finished my Homer pack. Thank you for taking the time to read my experience and my story about this game. I will never, ever play a Simpsons game ever again…

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