Snuff Out the Light (Sitting Ducks Lost Episode)
Everybody needs a Thneed, a fine thing that all people need. The Thneed is good, the Thneed is great, and it's only 3.98! Well, I should start this off by prefacing that I initially thought Thneeds were great and the fine thing that everybody needs, but in retrospect I'd really have to fight to give them a star on Amazon. Let me tell you something ladies and gentlemen, I have had a bit of a bad time recently after my prick cousin The Once-Ler threw me out onto the streets as if I was some kind of street urchin to him. My wife and I had come to The Once-Ler's crib over in Russia in an attempt to help him expand his Thneed business, but even though he personally asked for our help, I knew from the very beginning that he didn't like me. Upon arriving in the Russian countryside, I ran up to Oncie and gave him a huge all the while proclaiming, "hey I love this guy!" I then proceeded to rub my chin all over The Once-Ler's neck as I do happen to have a thing for necks, and this is what caused Oncie to lose his trust in me. I am infuriated with my cousin for letting me go as I had helped his company raise bitcoins after bitcoins. I even helped his marketing people lie to the masses by pretending to be a charity worker named Mel. Disguised as Mel, Once-Ler threw a fat stack of cash into my collection tin, but I was very stupid you see as I ended up removing my fake beard in order to wink at the camera. This was the final straw for my cousin, and the rest is history as they say in Germany. My wife was so angry with me for costing us our big money opportunity with the Thneed business that she ended up leaving me for a handsome scuba driver in Bikini Bottom who goes by the name of Greg Hamilton. All roads lead to Hamilton am I right?
Seeking to get over my wife leaving me and my massive debts, I agreed to assist my new lover Edgar Balthazar in robbing some motorbikes from the Bazooka City countryside. Sadly, the heist didn't go very well as both Edgar and I failed to realise that the stacks of the hay in this area could walk and talk and sing Queen. Also, the countryside was occupied by incredibly dangerous gangster dogs who want to murder people or in the very least mug them out of their hot sweet car insurance. Can you blame them honestly? Edgar and I only just managed to escape the countryside unscathed. Those bastard dogs bit my legs which caused them to look even smellier than they already were. Following that disaster of a heist attempt, I decided to kill some time by watching my favourite cartoon of all time: Sitting Ducks. Have you seen Sitting Ducks before son or daughter? No? How could you do such a thing!? No just chewing the dog bros that how I am, what I really meant is that I will quite gladfully give you a small plot synopsis about the show if you'd just hang tight for a mo. Sitting Ducks is all about a duck named Bill who always get into shenanigans with his best friend Aldo a lumbering but all around kind hearted alligator from the neighbouring town of Swampwood. The sweet natured Aldo must fight his natural instincts so that he doesn't beat his best friend. Although it is never explicitly stated, I completely believe that Bill and Aldo have some romance going on. Honestly, they are my one true OP as my kids would say. Am I cool yet Trevor? Sorry about that, my son can't even read because he has no eyes. No seriously, he has no eyes instead he has two tongues which act as sensor agents whatever that means.
Anyways, I sat myself down on my couch with a bag of Monster Munch and a glass of pine needles in order to watch a helping of my favourite show, but that's when Edgar came in carrying two large buckets full of hay for my horses to eat. Side note; I named my two horses Bill and Aldo after well you know who respectively. After placing the buckets down onto the coffee table, Edgar ran up to me and pulled my face close up to his as he asked in a quiet whisper, "can you keep a secret? Oh, of course you can!" "What's the word hummingbird?" I asked as Edgar started putting on his suit and top hat. Sadly, the secret wasn't really a secret as what happened is that Edgar had found a fancy new dinner theatre in the Truffula Forest Part II. Why is it called that? Well it's a very long story, and I take a very long time to tell stories so we'll save that for another day. Oh won't you stay another day? According to Edgar whose eyes suddenly became sly for a brief moment, the place was called The Swan And The Tomato, and the place looked like a massive swan. It's incredibly hard to find, and you'll never find it by looking on Google Maps or anything like that. No, the only way you'll find it is if you actively seek it out like some kind of Mr Krabs. I hadn't eaten anything all dinner so I agreed to accompany Edgar there. Edgar had helped to influence my decision by mentioning that the restaurant serves baked beans on toast a mainstay placed onto the restaurant by their frequent patron and small time philanthropist Duke Hampshire. Furthermore, I also learned from Edgar that as a result of hefty copyright strikes when the restaurant showed Beauty & The Beast without permission, The Swan And The Tomato now only show old Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, and Nickelodeon shows. One of those shows is of course Sitting Ducks, the show that they like to show the most at least according to Edgar that is.
Learning that my favourite show could be shown on the screen time, I grabbed Edgar by the ear and threw him and myself out of the living room window. We then hitched a ride on our horse and carriage and headed onward to The Swan And The Tomato. The Swan And The Tomato oh man what a sight to see! I couldn't believe my eyes! Never in my life had I ever seen anything quite as beautiful as this. It looked like an actual swan well at least I think it was supposed to be a swan as according to Edgar, some people claim that is actually a duck. Inside the restaurant, there's a portrait hanging from the ceiling of Bill and Aldo from Sitting Ducks. The portrait is dedicated to Duke Hampshire and was apparently made by world famous artist: Fernando Tater. Sadly, things got off to a bad start as I was escorted to my seat by the head waiter; Bruce Campbell. The restaurant has no seats only bean bags and I ended up sinking into mine as I asked Campbell about what cartoon would be showing tonight. "Oh, we've got a real doosy son, tonight we're showing an all new never released episode of Sitting Ducks which was banned from ever being shown on television." "You people really like Sitting Ducks don't you?" Edgar asked Campbell as he began scanning a menu. Suddenly, Campbell swiped the menu right out from Edgar's hands and glared at him as did the rest of the patrons at the restaurant. Campbell then pointed at Edgar as he said in a very threatening tone of voice, "don't you dare diss Sitting Ducks! Not now not ever!" In order to further scare Edgar into submission, Campbell grabbed Edgar's face to look at him as he growled at him. Campbell's teeth were incredibly sharp and as sharp as an alligator. Feeling very hungry, I decided to order my beans on toast with a side of eggshells while Edgar ordered a pumpkin as pumpkins were the only thing he could eat after all. While Edgar got off on the wrong foot with Bruce Campbell, I ended up getting on the front foot or rather the wrong feather you could say with the restaurant's mascot Eddie Seagull.
Eddie Seagull is an incredibly scary seagull as he never speaks, but yet his mere presence seems to radiate danger in some way. He hated me for some reason as he poured boiling hot coffee onto me trousers. How incredibly rude! I kind of like it. Ahem! Sorry about that, anyways, Eddie Seagull has always been a dodgy bastard. He used to work for the Birkland Bears, but he got himself fired from the team after he got caught eating a massive chicken leg at the biggest baseball game of the year between the Birkland Bears and the Empire Bay Cannons. People didn't know that Eddie was just a guy in a costume and thought he was a cannibal so they ran his ass out of town. Embittered by his incident especially after his lover Jerry Smelly Hound left him for a robin who lives in Butcher's Creek, Eddie became a very scary seagull who began dining at The Swan And The Tomato. Over time, Eddie grew to become immensely defensive towards the place as he would attack or sometimes even kill anyone who dared mock it. His talent it was said was that he could kill anyone or anything no matter the price, but I must ask what had I done to earn his wrath? I later learned Eddie hated me because I hadn't said, "thank you," to Bruce Campbell after ordering our food. Anyways, after finally receiving our din dins, I was about ready to tuck in when Eddie took my plate away and instead gave me a more heathy dish which was this really disgusting looking beetle. I was forced to eat the beetle in front of everyone, but before I could get a chance to confront Eddie about his behaviour towards me, Bruce Campbell blew into his mighty whistle as he announced that it was time for Sitting Ducks. Bruce asked, "now everyone did you remember to bring your costumes?" Everyone aside from Edgar and I, all got out of their clothes and got themselves into these really scaring looking duck costumes which were so scary that they made me gag. Now, not everyone were dressed as ducks as some people were dressed as alligators. Not having a costume of either creature, I was threatened and held at gunpoint by Eddie Seagull as I was forced to put this really horrid duck mask on which Edgar laughed at until he had to do the same thing that is. He had it even worse as his mask had shit all over it.
The TV in the restaurant suddenly started to make strange sounds as it came to show a brief advertisement for The Swan And The Tomato. The ad featured the restaurant's CEO; Chicken Chuck sitting on a sun lounger eating some chicken wings which had tangy hot sauce on them, but that's when he tried mixing it with another more boring hot sauce as he declared it the best thing he's ever eaten. He then held the chicken wings up to the screen as he asked, "wanna try some?" It kind of reminded me of the time I was pestered at a family picnic to eat a nasty fry up which looked really nice but smelt like harmonic reinforcements. It's worth noting that from here on out, Eddie Seagull kept glaring at me as I began to wonder where was Chicken Chuck? Maybe he's a little seasick? Wink. Whatever the case maybe, after that brief plug for The Swan And The Tomato ended, it did a really smell cut to the main theme song of Sitting Ducks. The theme wasn't right as there was no music, but given the fact that this episode was never supposed to be aired, I assumed it was cut very early during development so the creators didn't bother to add the music in. The theme was completely different in the sense that it didn't show clips from previous episodes instead it showed clips including Bill dancing with a really disgusting looking mop which had a picture of Aldo taped onto it, a scene in which Aldo is shown taking a dump in a trash can in front of some very important but quite frankly very smelly Northwestern alumni, a scene in which some ducks are dressed up as my local bishop, and a scene where Bill and Aldo are shown driving their motorbike but they ended up crashing into a tree. What scared me most of all was the fact that Aldo was 1% greener than normal which made me vomit very aggressively. Edgar started gagging violently into his glass of ass as the title card came on screen.
The title card showed Bill standing on a step ladder trying to grab The Sun meanwhile Aldo who is holding the stepladder up for Bill looks at the camera with a very confused face. The title of the episode was, "Snuff Out The Light." Unlike the theme song, the title card actually featured music but it was so loud it made my ears bleed. After the theme song ended, the episode began at the newly built Ducktown Cathedral. Ed, Oly, and Waddle walked past the cathedral only to get pulled inside by the beak. Once inside the cathedral, Waddle held his beak in contempt as he asked, "hey what's the big idea? What's the word hummingbird?" At that moment, a large scary looking vulture monster appeared in front of the trio. He asked the three if they'd like to confess to which Ed responded by confessing he once ate plump goose stuffing at a costume party in Kentucky much to Oly and Waddle's disgust. Though in Ed's defence, he was not informed at the time that it was goose he was eating as he thought it was Aunt Bessy's Spotted Dick. Hang on a second; spotted what!? The incredibly scary vulture finally addressed himself as Archbishop Rasaclov and he had a rather interesting thing to ask the trio. "It's come to my attention; that a gator lives among you and your fellow duck is that correct?" Archbishop Rasaclov asked as he began ticking Oly's head with his feathers all the while pulling the most sinister face you'd ever see. Although, Archbishop Rasaclov appeared to be a scary bastard in reality, he was a very sad vulture who is only trying to look tough in order to appease his brother who left him and his mother many moons ago to join a motorcycle gang. It's quite a long and sad story but there simply isn't enough time for that now. This is after all, a Sitting Ducks episode not The Ballad Of Archbishop Rasaclov.
After Ed, Oly, and Waddle confirm there is indeed a gator living in Ducktown goes by the name of Aldo, Oh, perhaps you've heard of him? Wink. Archbishop Rasaclov threw a nearby altar into the air as he proclaimed, "excellent! Now you three listen closely cause I shall say this only once and I really do mean only once. Well maybe twice actually if you don't hear me the first time to which I suggest have you considered buying some of Old Man Patton's Patterned Hearing Aids?" While saying this, Rasaclov held a box of hearing aids up to the screen. What is this episode sponsored by hearing aids or something? The thought of sponsorship made me very sick so I took off my bowler hat and began vomiting violently into it as Oly asked, "hey can you get on with the story now or sometime this season?" To make a long story short, Archbishop Rasaclov basically explained to the trio that he and his fellow vultures run a cult known as The Light Seekers who believe in a conspiracy that alligators are planning to trap The Sun and move it permanently to Swampwood. Once they've gotten The Sun safely in Swampwood, the ducks who are going to be suffering from the ill effects of not having any Sun anymore they will come knocking on Swampwood's metaphorical doors in order to ask for some sunlight. Once lured into the trap, the alligators will have themselves a feast of unimaginable proportions. Now because Ed, Oly, and Waddle are so blooming stupid, they obviously believed Archbishop Rasaclov's story with no questions asked. Waddle looked at Ed and Oly and asked, "you really think this is true guys?" Archbishop Rasaclov then proceeded to put his feather around the trio as he asked, "now do tell me; where can I find this Aldo?"
Meanwhile at Bev's, Aldo was shaking uncontrollably. Why? Well because his urges to eat ducks were coming back and they were coming back hard like a fart. Aldo was really started to suffer with these urges lately. He had been trying his best to combat them by taking part in hobbies that hopefully keep his mind off from eating ducks. He got a hobby collecting stamps. In particular, gas stamps from the Office of Price Administration. Just don't tell Henry Tomasino will you? Aldo's stamp collecting hobby was going well until he kept getting pestered by this really annoying ant who has the most annoying voice you'd ever see. The ant was really stupid as he secretly wanted to eaten after he saw his homie Aardvark get put on the Mafia's hit list after he accidentally threw a splinter into the foot of an elephant. Though I and so many others know that the ant was the true evil mastermind in this situation as do all who truly believe. The Ant hopped onto the table that Aldo was working on and started talking about his time loading bodies of water in Antarctica. Aldo imagined The Ant to be a massive smelly burger the kind of smelly burger that he had once eaten while taking a walk at Northwestern Medical School with Bill. He then proceeded to shove The Ant into his massive gob, and though The Ant was screaming on the inside I think he had indigestion, and that's really something to think about. Following this, Aldo gave up his stamp collecting hobby in a vain attempt to control his duck eating ways by taking up the art of meditation but that didn't really help either. That's when Bill entered the shop carrying his diamond copy of Shrek 2 on Xbox, and upon noticing his sad friend he asked, "hey what's the matter Aldo?" "Bill I..." Aldo sighed as Bill sat on the booth across from him and said, "now look we're best friends, so just know you can be 100% honest with me."
After giving the matter some thought, Aldo ultimately decided to come clean and admitted that his urges to eat ducks were once again back at an all time high, and now he has also developed a taste for ants following the encounter with you know who. Bill pulled the smuggest face you'd ever see as he placed a feather on his head and said, "hmm maybe Cecil could help." The pair then made their leave and began running down the streets of Ducktown only to get intercepted by Ed, Oly, and Waddle. "Hey what's the hurray Bill?" Ed asked. When Aldo brought up the fact that his urges to eat ducks were back, the trio's eyes suddenly became very sly as they claimed to know someone who could help Aldo with his problems no questions guaranteed. Bill and Aldo looked at each other with confused faces as the screen cut to show an establishing shot of Ducktown Cathedral or rather the back entrance of the Cathedral. Aldo was escorted through to the premises by Archbishop Rasaclov who assured Aldo that he was in a safe place. Just before he closed the door on the others, Bill tugged on Archbishop Rasaclov's tail feathers as he asked, "hey can I come too? Aldo is my best friend, and I don't really want him to get hurt ya know?" "Sure!" Archbishop Rasaclov proclaimed happily before continuing with, "the more the merrier as they say in Tuscany." Bill was brought inside the Cathedral, and both he and Aldo were given a brief tour of the premises before Archbishop Rasaclov quite rudely pushed them towards a small damp and quite frankly very smelly deserted hallway. At the very end of said hallway, there was a big blue door which had words written on it. I couldn't really make out what it said until the screen zoomed in on the words and I saw that it said, "Duck Urges Prevention 101." Aldo and Bill once again looked at each other confused, but then they gave each other a shrug.
As Bill and Aldo headed inside the room, the sign on the door suddenly fell onto the floor revealing another sign in it's place which read, "Catching The Sun 101." Little did Bill and Aldo know, but they had walked into a trap. It was a large empty room apart from the large altar located in the very centre. Suddenly, Mark Pig appeared dressed up in stereotypical priest clothes and revealed himself to be Archbishop Rasaclov's business partner. Oh, you don't know who Mark Pig is do you love? Well, perhaps you oughta to think about buying yourself the official Bruno Tattagllia/Oliver Charles funnypasta guide in a half shell. It's quite a read but I think you can handle that can't you? Finally sensing that something was up, Bill asked, "okay what's going on here? I thought this was Duck Urges Prevention 101." Mark Pig pointed accusingly at Bill as he said in a very nasty tone of voice, "you really are stupid Bill! We only have one bloody gator in this stinking town why would we need a damn prevention course for that? Bastard." I leaped up into the air and i leaped so high that I ended up clutching onto the chandelier above my head for dear life. I hung there for awhile until i was eventually brought down by Eddie Seagull. Of course, Eddie Seagull decides in torturing me so as he began hitting me with a broomstick in an attempt to get me down. He ended up hitting me right in the Thneeds if you catch my drift and he did like that 5 times until I was eventually brought down by Bruce Campbell? The reason for my over the top reaction? Well, I'll be honest hearing such vulgar language in a show as beautiful as Sitting Ducks would be enough to make anyone lose their cool. Putting the chill on my thrill know what I mean?
Upon returning to the episode, I was rather confused to see Bill, Aldo, Archbishop Rasaclov, and Mark Pig just staring menacingly at me as if they were waiting for me to finish my little fit of mass hysteria. The episode then went back to normal as Archbishop Rasaclov explained his real reason for wanting an alligator. Archbishop Rasaclov was very insane as he fully believed the tall tales that his Gran Gran had told him when he was a young vulture about how alligators had the power to remove the Sun from the sky. Archbishop Rasaclov then had himself a little musical number where he and Mark explained they wanted Aldo to help them snuff out the light by putting a massive blanket over it. "Snuff out the light, claim your right. To a world of darkness. Snuff out the light, little duck and gator. Of a world of darkness." Archbishop Rasaclov sang. After the song ended, Bill and Aldo clapped for a good two hours before Aldo eventually brought up the million dollar question. "Why do you two want to snuff out the light anyhow? Don't you know that the Sun is important to the natural order of things?" Aldo asked. "You are right to ask these questions my son, and I shall give you the answers." Archbishop Rasaclov said as he then continued with, "you see; with the Sun completely covered up, all the ducks and alligators in Ducktown and Swampwood are going to go mad looking for their precious sunlight. Once they realise that I am responsible for covering it, I will be able to get both cities to pay me an incredibly large ransom which will allow for Mark and I to retire to the Bahamas." "Wouldn't it be easier just to steal the Sun?" Aldo asked. Bill pulled Aldo aside and asked, "Aldo what the heck are you talking about? There's no way we're doing this!" Bill yelled at the very top of his lungs.
Realising that the pair were going to refuse to their deal, Mark Pig pulled out a Winchester Repeater and started shooting at Bill and Aldo, but the pair had already managed to flee the scene. As Bill and Aldo made their way to Bill's apartment, Ed, Oly, and Waddle decided that they would pay Archbishop Rasaclov a visit in order to see what was going down. Arriving inside the backroom, Ed was grabbed by the neck by Mark Pig who yelled, "that damn gator refused to help us? What the heck are we to do?" "Oh please don't hurt him Marky!" Archbishop Rasaclov cried as he covered his beak with his feathers. Ed then suggested using mores code, while Oly suggested that the pair check Swampwood as it is the alligator's home turf after all. Mark Pig threw Ed at the wall as he yelled, "news flash! I'm a pig! How the fuck do you think that is going to slide in Swampwood? I'll be grilling on a BQQ come sundown." Oly rubbed his beak in concertation as he said, "maybe Cecil could help." Oh, and you're probably now also wondering what Ed, Oly, and Waddle wanted from this business venture with Archbishop Rasaclov and Mark Pig. Well my friends, the trio wanted a nice slice of the ransom money and some of their own Sun shards. The trio planned on selling these Sun shards to the Grierson Gallery of California. The Gallery would provide the trio with even more dough which of course they would then spend on milkshakes at Bev's. Think of all the milkshakes they could afford with that much dough! They'll be drowning in milkshake come the evening sky. Beyond the evening sky. Now that there is something to think about.
Cecil was in the middle of performing tooth surgery on a very smelly duck. He was getting ready to drill a hole into the duck's tooth as the door suddenly swung open as smoggy smog began to enter the area. "Oh buggering buggerton!" Cecil cried as he ended up drilling right through the duck's face killing them instantly! Cecil began whistling nonchalantly as he proceeded to scoop the duck up with a shovel before tossing said duck into the furnace. Why was Cecil keeping a furnace in his dentistry office? Well it's just another sign of the times Miss Jones. Sorry about that, now in any case, Cecil was very intrigued when Archbishop Rasaclov brought up his idea to snuff out the light, but Cecil being Cecil of course had a few questions regarding the logistics of the house of lamb, and by that I mean he had a few questions regarding the plan. "You uh do know that the Sun is scolding hot right? You'll be a roast vulture if you even go within ten yards of it." Cecil said in a rather sarcastic tone of voice which seems highly out of place for a duck such as himself. Oh, and by the way this is going a little bit off topic, but in regards to Aldo's returning urges to eat duck, it is never brought up again for the remainder of the episode. Well it is mentioned in a throwaway line where Bill says that Aldo learned to focus on his toe and inferred grill. Whatever the sausage that means. Cecil turned out to be of very little use as he then told the group that there was only person in the world who could handle a job like shutting off The Sun, and that would be Dingodille who occupies an underground bunker over in Swampwood. But what Cecil failed to realise was that Bill and Aldo had bugged his dentistry office many moons ago. Why had they bugged his office? How the heck should I know?
Hearing that the group were going to hire Dingodille to shut out the Sun, Bill and Aldo caught the first bus to Swampwood. While on the bus, everyone got out from their seats screaming when Aldo made his way towards his seat. After sitting down, Aldo started farting violently as the bus finally began speeding towards Swampwood. Aldo turned to face Bill and asked, "say Bill, what do you suppose we say to Dingodille anyhow?" "Leave him to me Aldo. I know how to handle that rude carrot onion." Bill said as the screen cut to show the pair arriving at Dingodille underground bunker. Now at first, Dingodille was very cordial towards the pair but he then turned hostile as he said, "I heard you boys have got your feathers into some treasure, and I want a piece of that pie." "Uh what?" Aldo asked dumbfounded which caused Dingodille to shoot some fireballs out from his flamethrower at him. The balls thankfully didn't hit Aldo, but they did cause the platform he was standing on to shoot up into the sky. Aldo ended up crashing through the ceiling while Bill had an epic fight with Dingodille. Dingodille and his flamethrower made him incredibly dangerous, but Bill was able to defeat him for his reflexes were much stronger. Dingodille fell to the ground in defeat and Bill left him to be burned alive in the underground chamber as there was lava all around the fricking arena. Probably should have mentioned that fact earlier. Yes earlier. Anyways, don't worry about ole Dingo as he moved to Louisiana where he started his own successful restaurant ably named; Dingo's Diner. I uh wouldn't recommend eating there however, as I once ate a possum burger from there and it made me think too much in the bathtub about my local bishop. Sorry love, I'm getting a little bit hot under the collar. I'll let some steam out as I tell you that upon leaving the bunker, Bill and Aldo were confronted by Ed, Oly, and Waddle who looked very aroused... angry! I meant angry!
Ed, Oly, and Waddle pulled out machine guns which were actually loaded with strawberry jam. They just wanted to scare the pair so that they would move away from the bunker's main entrance so that they could attend their audience with Dingodille. Bill adjusted his red bowtie as he said, "I'm afraid you three are already too late. Aldo and I have sent our friend Dingodille to the backstreet side lot." Oly looked at Ed and Waddle as he asked, "what the fuck does that mean?" I got sick and tried to run to the bathroom only to get forcibly restrained by Eddie Seagull who forced me to continue watching the blooming episode. Bill and Aldo then basically explained that they had dealt with Dingodille much to the trio's annoyance, but what the group didn't know is that Archbishop Rasaclov had actually sent them on a wild goose chase as he was already getting ready to shut off the Sun with the help of a Sun Maker named Sunny McRunny. Now that may sound like a rather cute name, but trust me when I say that Sunny McRunny was anything but cute. He had this incredibly sinister glare that was always plastered onto his face which made it look as though he wanted to bite Bill's head off. Even Aldo was scared of him. Having finally had enough of this nonsense, both Bill and Aldo finally decided that it was time to put a stop to Archbishop Rasaclov and Mark Pig's evil plan.
Over in the square centre of Ducktown, Archbishop Rasaclov was shown holding up a stepladder for Mark Pig who busy holding Sunny McRunny in the air so that he could do a special little chant which would hopefully shut the Sun off for good. Oh, Sunny also knew a magic chant which would bring the Sun back in no time. "Can you hurry up there boyio?" Mark asked as he began smoking a cigarette when Bill and Aldo came running towards the pair. Aldo grabbed a hold of Mark Pig and gave him a flower. Meanwhile, Bill dealt with Archbishop Rasaclov by telling him that the Sun isn't what he really wanted and what he really wanted was a friend. "You're right!" Archbishop Rasaclov cried at the very top lungs as Aldo smiled a very smelly grin. Aldo then said, "Mr Rasaclov there's somebody that we'd like you to meet." Aldo then moved out of the way so that Archbishop Rasaclov could come face to face with an incredibly scary looking man computer named Colby. Despite being a man computer, Colby was actually a Man Of The Cloth or so the papers claimed. Just remember to charge their doings to them, and not us okay love? OKAY!? Anyways, Archbishop Rasaclov and Colby then proceeded to take a slow walk around N Sanity Beach as they talked about all kinds of things like the time Cobie got a skateboard for his friend who was an incredibly awful ITV extra. Colby ended up keeping the skateboard for himself after seeing the extra dancing at Bev's with a bunch of other really cringey ITV extras. Colby had also been inspired to keep the skateboard in part thanks to his mentor Russian Noah who told him that if ain't broke don't fix it. Not really sure how that would inspire Colby to keep the skateboard for himself, but whatever just whiff it.
Mark Pig made peace with Bill by giving him a Truffula flower. After getting handed the flower, Bill looked at Mark who gave Bill a small smile much to Aldo's jealously. Aldo had indeed grimaced when Mark gave Bill the flower. Hmm I do so wonder why. Even McRunny forced himself to smile a smile. Sadly, the Sun ended up collapsing down onto the floor breaking into a million tiny bite size pieces. "Oh buggering buggerton!" Bill cried as he turned to face Aldo who simply responded by shrugging a rather aggressive shrug. The episode then ended by mimicking the title card image with Bill standing on a stepladder trying to put the Sun in place while Aldo holds the ladder up for him. The episode of course then ended with no credits but instead showing a SICK clip which had Mark Pig taking a dump in a washing machine all the while reading a newspaper about sweets in Germany possibly being contaminated with ass flu. After that disgusting clip ended, I looked over at Eddie Seagull who held his feather up towards the sky. I had no time to see what he was pointing as all of the sudden several alligators came crashing through the chimney. The alligators all had Sun shards strapped to their chests indicating that they had also seen the episode much to mine and Edgar's surprise. Edgar walked up to one of the alligators who was wearing a pirate hat. Edgar grabbed the alligator's face and pulled it close to his as he asked, "can you keep a secret? Oh of course you...." Edgar was cut off as the alligator held a dagger underneath his throat and demanded to know much a swan sings in Swan Lake.
The entire restaurant including myself and Edgar were forced onto the floor, as the alligators announced their reasonings for crashing The Swan And The Tomato. They had done so because they hated how the restaurant always showed Sitting Ducks. They viewed Sitting Ducks as an offensive program as it promoted duck and alligator relations much to their chagrin. Edgar and I tried our best to crawl our way towards the fire exit only to have one f the alligators (presumably the ring leader), step on my back pinning me to the ground as he asked in a rather condescending tone of voice, "and where are you going?" "Um phone a friend?" I said awkwardly as the pirate hat wearing alligator from before held a dagger up to my jugular as he threatened me with, "start talking cookie." Just as it seemed as though all was lost, the doors to the restaurant suddenly swung open as.... OH MY FRICKING JINGLY JANGLE COVERED IN A BACON WRAP! It was Bill and Aldo! They were real this entire time! Aldo was holding a massive fire extinguisher which he used to spray foam all over the other alligators. The pirate hat wearing alligator walked up to Aldo and asked, "what you doing hanging out with a duck Aldo? Wanna dunk a piunk?" Aldo started poking the alligator and his posse in the chest as he basically went off on them about how Bill is his best friend in the whole entire universe, and ain't nothing gonna change his love for him. "You know something? You pricks could learn a lot from hanging out with a duck even for a day." Aldo said. Also while performing this little speech about Aldo, Bill smiled an incredibly cheesy smile like some kind of Mr Link. The alligators were all moved by Aldo's speech, most especially Cy the O'Hare delivery guy who sang, "you don't know me, but my name's Cy. I'm just the O'Hare delivery guy, but it seems like ducks may be worth a try. So I say let's be friends."
The rest of the evening was a complete delight. Bill had sent up a call to Ducktown and all the ducks came to party with the alligators including Bev, Cecil, Oly, Ed,, Waddle, and Fred. Even Aldo's baby cousin Andy and blind uncle Artie came to join the celebrations. Artie spent his time amazing the guests with his rad dancing moves. "I learnt this trick back in 64, before you were born!" Artie sang as he began waving his walking stick in the air like a mad man or rather a mad gator I should say! I got a chance to chat with my heroes Bill and Aldo who were understanding towards my situation with The Once-Ler, Aldo asked me, "why don't you just call him and apologize?" "You know something Aldo? That's not such a bad idea!" I proclaimed as I then began leading a massive conga. Myself, Edgar, Bruce Campbell, Bill, Aldo, the ducks, and the alligators then made our way down the streets in a massive conga we were unstoppable. The following day, I caught a bus to Ducktown after being invited to milkshakes at Bev's by Bill and Aldo. Arriving at Bev's, I discovered a massive Helped Wanted sign stuck on the window, and sensing an opportunity arising, I promptly went and asked Bev for a job application. Long story short, I am now a permeant resident in Ducktown and work as the cleaner at Bev's. Sometimes, I even make the milkshakes. It's worth noting that after telling The Once-Ler about this, he told me that he had never been more proud of me than he is now.
I do now begin to wonder if it would be possible to shut off the Sun, and claim my right? I highly doubt that, but then again keeping in mind that Bill and Aldo are indeed real, I suppose that anything is possible. Oh and while serving Bill a new slice of pie, I noticed that Eddie Seagull was spying on me from a nearby street corner. Pfft, I wouldn't worry too much about him anyhow. He'll be singing a different tune once I reveal I convinced Bev to give him free milkshakes in the hopes that he'll stop being such a limey Tic Tac centred turkey baster and a half shell. Well, love its been fun but I got to go as Bev wants to serve some milkshakes to her new alligator homies. Ta ra! This is Uncle Ubb signing off!
Credited to Bruno Tattagllia
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