Someone lives at my house, but it's not me
I was all curled up in my warm bed. The mattress was too firm for my liking and the bed was too high off the floor. I would not have bought a bed this tall and this hard, but complainers can't be losers, or whatever the phrase is. Beggars can't be believers... but that's not right either. Believing is seeing, that's the one. But I soon heard a sound down stairs. A faint creaking of footsteps, very careful footsteps. I became scared. I grabbed the gun from under the bed that was not mine, and clutched it in my shaking hands. I tried to be quiet but soon I felt a scratching in my throat. Oh no. The scratching got worse and worse. I tried to swallow but I had no good salvia. I smoked it all to nothing. I tried to muffle the cough but it was not satisfying. I could hear the feet come up the stairs. How did they get the key? I didn't have one, I couldn't find it. Where did they find one? Soon I could not hold my cough any longer, and I let it out. "WHO'S IN MY HOUSE!!??" I didn't say, but the person downstairs did.
I was scared. Who was in this house? How did they know. Many questions floated around my brain as I slowly tip toed to the closet where I hid. Soon the feet were in the room. "I ALREADY CALLED THE COPS. I CAN SEE YOU IN THE CLOSET" Fuck, I was sure to put on the slippers I found in the bathroom to hide my feet. "TAKE OFF MY SLIPPERS" Oh no, this was terrifying. They knew everything. "WHY DID YOU SHIT IN THE KITCHEN SINK" I was trembling. I came out of the closet, but I wasn't gay by any means, in fact I have slept with over 200 women, half of those by the time I was 15. A woman was standing there, a very old woman. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE." I decided it was time for me to leave. I'm sorry I said. Thank you for the shower and warm bed I added. I will leave now, and then I bowed. "GET THE FUCK OUT. AND TAKE YOUR SALVIA" Maybe I had left some. But I ran out of the house, but I still had the slippers.
I will be alerting the authorities soon. Thank you.
Credited to kbanbury
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