Sonichu.exe

I'm a total Sonichu fan much like everyone else, I like Chris-chan's newer videos, but I don't mind watching the classics. I don't think I've ever played glitchy or hacked games before, though I don't think I want to play any after the experience I had...

It started on a nice summer afternoon, I was watching the video where Chris curses Liquid (I like the part where he roars, "DUHIEEEEEE YEWWWWW!!!") until I noticed, out of my peripheral vision, that the mailman had arrived and put something in my mailbox as usual and left. I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail... The only thing in the Mailbox was a CD case for computers and a note. I took it inside.

I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend Ken (Let's just call him that), whom I hadn't heard from in 2 weeks. I know that because I recognized his handwriting, though what was weird is how it looked; it looked badly written and scratchy and somewhat difficult to read, as if Ken was having a hard time writing it down and did it in a hurry.

This is what he wrote...

"Todd,

Be sure to play this. Whatever you do, DON'T destroy it. Trust me, you don't want that.

This CD contains a perfectly ordinary game that you should play, and you won't regret it at all.

oh god what have i become

-Ken"

Well, that was certainly weird. Even though Ken IS my best friend and I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, I didn't do what he asked me. After all, the plot couldn't work without me being a complete idiot and doing the opposite of what any sensible person would do...

ANY way, I looked at the disc and it looks like any ordinary computer CD-R disc, except it had black marker on it written "SONICHU.EXE", and it was much unlike Ken's handwriting, meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else, like a pawn shop or eBay. When I saw "SONICHU" on the writing of the CD, I was actually excited and wanted to play it, since I'm a a BIG Sonichu fan. Maybe this is the legendary Sonichu Adventure?

However, Ken wanted me to play it, and that would be sensible. Can't have that!

I snapped the disc in half, and went back to my video. Nothing of note happened, until I went to bed.

I had a horrible nightmare. I was trapped in a maze, filled with hyper-realistic blood. I was wading through the maze, looking for a way out, when I turned a corner and tripped. As I pulled myself to my feet, I realized I'd reached a large room. It stretched off into the distance, both ahead of me and to my left and right. The blood was much deeper, and even more hyper-realistic than usual. While the blood was only deep enough to reach my knees before, I could no longer see the bottom.

As I stood there, trying to decide which way to start swimming, a hyper-realistic skeleton popped out of the blood. I figured it was just a glitch, so I ignored it. Then it walked up to me, held out its bony hand, and pressed something all too familiar into mine.

When I woke up, the SONICHU.EXE disc was in my hand. I sighed in resignation, then went up to my room and turned on my computer and put the disc in and installed the game. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it resembled a hack of the first Sonic game. Sonic had been replaced with Sonichu, as you would expect. I was like "Awesome!" The first thing I noticed that was out of place was when I pressed start, there's was a split second when I saw the title image turned into something much different, something that I now consider horrifying, before cutting to black.

I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to black; it was a picture of Chris-chan in his tomgirl outfit, staring RIGHT AT ME, and his smile had stretched wider up to the edge of his face. I was rather disturbed about that image when I saw it, though I figured that it was just a glitch and forgot about it. The fact that there was no real reason for that file to be on the disc didn't occur to me. After it cut to black it stayed like that for about 10 seconds or so. And then another weird thing happened, the save file select from Sonic the Hedgehog 3 popped up, and I was like "WTF? What's this doing in the first Sonic game?", anyway, then I notice something off, the background was the cheerful cloudy sky from Kirby's Dream Land 3, and there were only three save files. The music was the character select theme from Streets of Rage. And the image for the save file where you see a preview of the level you're on was just text for all three files.

It read:

"This preview image is Still Yet to be Completed. Given that inspiration is a Big Variable, and I may have been Lacking of It, the image will be Completed as Soon as possible. Thank you for your Patience and Patronage."

What freaked me out more was the character select, it showed only Rosechu, Wild Sonichu and to my surprise, Toadfish from Bart the General! Now I was sure that something was up, I mean, what's Toadfish doing here?

Yeah it definitely looked hacked, it was really creepy, but as a smart gamer, I wasn't scared (or at least I tried not to be), I told myself that it was just a hacked game and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyways, shaking off the creeped out feeling I picked File 1 and chose Rosechu and when I selected and got started. The game froze for about 5 seconds and I heard a creepy laugh that sounded an awful lot like Tidus's laugh from Final Fantasy X before cutting to black.

The screen stayed black for about 10 seconds or more, then it showed the typical level title thing, except the simplistic shapes were different shades of red and the text showed only "PARK, ACT 1". The screen faded in and the level title vanished revealing Rosechu in McIntire Park, the music sounded like the starting garden music from Flower Town. Anyway I started playing and had Rosechu start running like you would in any of the classic Sonic games, what was odd was that as Rosechu was running along the level there was nothing but flat ground and a few trees for 5 minutes.

I suddenly saw something and I stopped to see what it was; it was Blake dead on the ground bleeding (That was when the music started to slow down), Rosechu had a shocked and saddened look on her face that I never saw her have before, so I had her move along, and she kept that worried look on her face. As he kept moving I saw the rest of the Chaotic Combo as Rosechu moved past them looking more and more worried as she moves past more dead chus, I was shocked to see how they all died, they looked like somebody killed them in rather gruesome ways; Bubbles was writhing in an electric chair, screaming "LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!", Angelica was chained to a tree, bleeding out from holes bored all over her body, Punchy was dead, covered in dozens of gunshot wounds... but worst of all was Magi-Chan. His limbs were bent at unnatural angles, and there was a gaping wound where his heart should have been. "MY AMENDS HAVE BEEN MADE" was written next to his body in hyper-realistic blood. I felt sick to my stomach at these portryals of death in horrifying, gorey detail and apparently so did Rosechu. After a few more seconds there were no more bodies and the music seemed to have stopped, I still kept Rosechu to continue.

After a minute passed after the music stopped, Rosechu was running up a hill and then she stopped, it wasn't until I saw why; Sonichu was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Rosechu with his eyes closed. Rosechu looked happy to see Sonichu but then her smile faltered, obviously noticing that Sonichu wasn't responding to her, if not acting as if he was totally oblivious of Rosechu's presence. Rosechu walked slowly toward Sonichu, and I noticed that I wasn't even moving my keyboard to make her move, so this had to have been a cut scene.

Suddenly I began to have a growing feel of dread as Rosechu walked closer to Sonichu to get his attention, I felt that something disgusting was going to happen. I heard faint moans, that sounded like the ones from Silent Hill 3 when you input the Konami Code- Jesus, does this game have ANY original resources?- growing louder as Rosechu was but inches away from Sonichu and stopped and stuck her hand out to touch him. That foreboding feeling in my gut was growing stronger and I felt the urge to tell Rosechu to get away from Sonichu as the moans grew louder.

Suddenly in a split second I saw Sonichu's eyes open and he smiled a roguish grin. He winked, and the screen turned black and the moans stopped.

It stayed black for about 7 seconds and then white text appeared forming a message, saying, "I'm itchin' for a little missionary cowgirl... you think you can handle it?"

At this point I was creeped out, I didn't want to continue with the game, and I DEFINITELY didn't want to see any "missionary cowgirl", but my curiosity got the better of me when I was taken to a different level with the level title now saying "HIDE AND YIFF".

This time I was in the Skidda's Row level from Donkey Kong Country 3 and it looked like everything was on fire... somehow.

Rosechu looked as though she was twitching with anticipation this time. She actually looked at me and made frantic gestures to me as if she wanted to get out of the area she was in as fast as possible. I was starting to get freaked out by this...I mean Rosechu was actually breaking the fourth wall, trying to tell me to get her out of there.

So I pressed down on the arrow key as hard as I could and made her run as fast as he could, the music from the first part of Frost Walrus's stage in Mega Man X4 playing as I made Rosechu trek through the desolate tundra, trying to help her make it to Sonichu.

Suddenly I heard that fucked up laugh again... right after 10 seconds have passed as I helped Rosechu run through the tundra, and then I started seeing flashes of Sonichu popping everywhere on the screen, holding... ugh... a pack of "raincoats".

The music changed to "Sonichu Zip" by Christian and the Hedgehog Boys as I see Sonichu behind Rosechu slowly gaining up on her FLYING; Sonichu wasn't running, he was actually FLYING! The flying pose his sprite was making looked very similar to Bubsy's flying pose in the Bubsy games, except it was just Sonichu, and THIS time he had the most sleazy looking grin on his face, he looked as though he was enjoying the torment he was giving me as he gained up on his wife.

Suddenly when Rosechu tripped (another cut scene) the music stopped and Sonichu vanished. Rosechu laid there and started panting for 15 seconds. The scene was rather upsetting to watch and I kind of teared up myself. But then Sonichu appeared right in front of Rosechu and Rosechu looked up in anticpation.

Hyper-realistic navy started to come down from Sonichu's eyes as a grin slowly grew from his face as he looked down at the salivating Electric Hedgehog Pokemon. I could do nothing but watch.

And then...

I was forced to watch a hideous, hyper-realistic yiffing scene. The fact that it was constantly interrupted by diagrams explaining the characters' anatomy only made it worse.

The text returned only this time it said "Aren't the lovehogs so romantic?" and then I heard the laugh again.

I was so shocked by what had happened... could this game have been made by the Illuminati? I shook the shock off as I was brought back to the character select, the save file that had Rosechu was different; Rosechu was no longer in the box itself but in the TV screen itself, which was flickering with white static, Rosechu' expression scared me, she was smirking and giving a thumbs up, and to my horror, she was stark naked. Trying to ignore it I picked Wild next.

I heard Tidus's laugh and the screen cut to black again and stayed there for another 10 seconds, this time the level said "EVAN KILLED MOMMY".

I was really freaked out by now, I couldn't really tell if this was a glitch, or a hack, or some kind of sick twisted joke... or anything really. But despite my fear of what happened next, I kept playing.

The next level looked much different, it had the ground of the Forest of Doom from Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin, but the sky background looked like the background from the third eversion layer in Eversion. (More stolen assets...) But it was the music that depressed me the most: it sounded like the map theme right after Emmeryn dies in Fire Emblem Awakening. There were weather-beaten gravestones scattered in the background and foreground. I also noticed that Wild looked afraid just like Rosechu did, though not as much, more rather he looked a little unnerved. He broke the fourth wall just like Rosechu and looked as if he wasn't sure about going on, but I made him move anyway.

He ran down the straight pathway in the graveyard, and as he did the screen started to flicker a couple times and then that maddening laugh played again.

Then after a few seconds of running I notice several navy stains on the earthen ground, I felt a growing sense of fear again thinking something horrible is going to happen to Wild. He looked nauseated walking down this comeuppance-stained road, but I still kept him going.

Suddenly as Wild ran, he paused in front of a large gravestone. A name was carved into it:

"SIMONLA ROSECHU"

Wild fell to his knees and began sobbing. "I couldn't protect you..." he moaned. "I knew it wasn't going to work out, but..."

After 15 seconds of this, Wild shakily got to his knees. The music stopped.

"At least Simonchu understands me..." he sighed.

Then he froze. He looked off to the left, and Tidus's laugh played again. A message flashed on the screen:

"I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD, HOMO JERK!"

I was back in control, Wild looked like he was panicking, and Sonichu was nowhere to be found. And this time, "Knight of Fire" from Xenogears was playing.

Was this some kind of boss battle with Sonichu? I hoped to God it wasn't, honestly.

Suddenly Sonichu appeared right behind Wild in what appeared to be hyper-realistic black smoke, I made Wild turn and then Vine Whip Sonichu, but Sonichu vanished in black hyper-realistic smoke before I could even land a hit, that terrible laugh went off again. Then Sonichu appeared behind Wild again and then I made him use Razor Leaf instead, and Sonichu vanished again laughing. Wild was panicking even more, and even I felt like I was going crazy, Sonichu was practically playing with us, he was playing a sick twisted little mind game with me and Wild...

Another cut scene played as Wild fell to his knees and clutched his head sobbing, I felt his agony, Sonichu was actually driving us BOTH crazy.

And then in a split second Sonichu grabbed a nearby shovel and sliced Wild in two.

The music stopped.

Wild screamed the Wilhelm Scream as he bled out, then he was still.

Sonichu paused for a moment, making sure that Wild was dead, then began digging.

Oh no. This is where I draw the line. I lunged for the power button on my computer, only to hear an earsplitting cacophony. It sounded kind of like the Crazybus theme with the Sanic theme overlaid, only played in reverse, vocoded, sped up, lowered, and put through a high pass filter. (I'm a Music Theory major, so I'm good at recognizing altered music.)

I instinctively put my hands over my ears... and as soon as I took my finger off the power button, the noise stopped. Well, if I had to listen to this, I didn't have to see it.

As soon as I closed my eyes, the "music" started back up. I sighed. Why does this haunted game have to give me so much stress? Don't the people who make these know that stress hinders the emotions and physical abilities as swiftly as a bullet?

Fully resigned to my fate, I settled back in my computer chair and watched Sonichu dig up Simonla's corpse and... you can probably guess the rest.

Another text message appeared, "Wild was a homo anyway. Don't feel bad for him!"

What the hell... Just what is going on? I started to think Sonichu was actually trying to talk to me through the game... But I was too scared to think that.

I was brought back to the main menu and this time the second file box had Wild in the TV screen, his green fur had darkened to a reddish grey, his vines were dripping with navy and his eyes were black and bleeding too, but he had a wistful smile on his face. He was injecting himself with something, which I assumed to be the gay vaccine. Now Wild can give up his Homosexual Lifestyle for Straight Heterosexuality, enjoying the pleasures of yiff... wait, what am I saying? I began to think that the game was brainwashing me into being a furry, but I couldn't believe it... I didn't want to believe it...

So I shut off the game and took a break. I took a nap, wish I hadn't, 'cause I then began to have the most disturbing nightmare, I was in pitch black darkness, though I was under the light given off by a lamp that hung high above my head. I could hear the cries of Wild and Rosechu nearby. They were saying stuff like, "Join us..." and "Why haven't you bought a fursuit yet?" and "I'm a furry, you're a furry too..."

Their cries died out as I heard Evil Patrixxx's voice.

"I'm only in this story because of contract reasons, so don't expect any help from me."

I was scared and looking around for the source of the voice...

"I bet Jeff the Killer and BEN are gonna show up any time now..."

I saw him walking toward me, flickering in and out in several directions...

"on lo k ow the speling and grmaier is goin to hel 2..."

den h gebed me an i wo4ke up. it was spuky

After a couple of hours I decided to continue playing the game. I don't know why, but I had to know, I had to figure out why this was happening... So I turned on the computer, turned on the game and selected Toadfish next.

I still thought that was wacky, playing as Toadfish, but anyway the level title appeared again and this time it said "BOO", which I found really freaky.

This time I was in some kind of soup hotel, didn't really look like it was from any of the classic Sonic games, though it has the pixelated style; the floor was shiny and checkered, the walls were an eye-searing shade of green and a few dark comeuppance stains here and there, and the wall was decorated with drawings of Sonichu. The music was the final boss theme from Donkey Kong Country 2.

Toadfish didn't look entirely nervous like Rosechu and Wild did, but he did have a suspicious look on his face as if he was just a bit paranoid. He did a little animation when I just left him standing, he pulls a phone out, and summons Stonefish. They look around, then Stonefish jumps back into the phone and then Toadfish shrugs at me, as if he has no idea where he was or what was going on. Even though I was scared outta my mind about what was going to happen, I had Toadfish continue onward. He did his usual running animation (You know, from Bart the General) as we continued going through the hallway.

Then I stop at a long flight of stairs leading downward, now I was nervous, even Toadfish seemed unsure of himself, though I pressed onward.

As I led Toadfish down the stairs, I noticed that the walls have gotten lighter and more whitish. Then we landed onto another hallway, this one was longer than the last one (or at least it felt like it) and then we headed down another flight of stairs down, this one was much longer, took at least 5 full hours.

And then I heard that horrid Tidus laugh again and then the music slowly faded until it was quiet, as it did the walls turned a hideous polka dot pattern.

When Toadfish landed onto the 3rd hallway, I noticed he now looked really creeped out, though he tried to hide it, I couldn't blame him, I was scared too.

Suddenly, Toadfish paused, and the camera scrolled to the right. Sonichu was holding Christine Rosechu in a tight embrace.

"C'mon, father!" she moaned. "Let's engage in some good, STRAIGHT incest!"

I suddenly turned to the side and vomited. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Toadfish vomiting too, so that was something we had in common.

Toadfish charged forward. Clearly he'd had enough of Sonichu's shit.

"You hit my bad side, I'll fucking kill you!" he spat. "I'll break your legs!"

Sonichu dropped Christine and hovered in place. His face showed no emotion.

"You hit my bad side already, I'm gonna screw you!", Toadfish sneered, as he ran faster. "Go on, get out of here. I'm taking over!"

Then the screen cut to black. A message popped up:

"SORRY, I RAN OUT OF MONEY FOR THIS PART. JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION."

After a a while, it went back to the level. Toadfish had been ripped into 666 pieces of hyper-realistic gibs, arranged in the shape of Slenderman and the Rake playing catch with Happy Appy. Sonichu stood proudly, admiring his artistic masterpiece while Christine clung to his arm, looking at Sonichu with a sickening expression of love and admiration on her face.

Then the Law theme from Shin Megami Tensei played, as Chris-chan descended from Heaven. He hovered over Sonichu, and another message popped up...

"I AM GOD."

It was when I read that message while looking at Sonichu when it hit me, I realized right there and then.

This game sucks. Also, Chris-chan has a god complex, but I already knew that.

Then the usual poorly-animated yiffing happened.

Then it stopped and showed nothing but black screen.

As I sat there staring at the black screen, one last text came up.

"Ready for Round 2, Todd?"

The Tidus laugh, now sounding more clear as if Sonichu was right behind me, played again 3 times as I looked at that text in shock and confusion.

Then I got booted back to the main menu and this time the third save file had a TV image of Toadfish. His skin was a dull grey, his dreadlocks drooped and had blackened, and he had a mere dead like expression on his face.

I looked at Toadfish and I cried a bit, I pitied him for the agony he's going through, he was forever trapped within the game, forever tormented by that horrid hedgehog, and always will be.

Then the computer shut itself off, I couldn't turn it back on no matter what I did.

I sat there for maybe 25 seconds, horrified by what had just happened...

Sonichu is the very embodiment of evil, he tortures people who play his game in more ways than one and then when he gets bored he turns you into a furry..

I can't get the game outta my computer. I think it's stuck in there, but at least I managed to turn it back on now.

And as soon as I did, I popped open a browser and went looking for fap material on FurAffinity.

ALSO YOU'RE NEXT LOL

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