SonictheHedgehog.ELISEXE

Have I ever told you that I'm a humongous Sonic 06 fan? Nah, of course I haven't. I'd get flamed to no end. Anyways, I tell you—this game is a master piece. I have both the Xbox 360 and the PS3 versions. The glitches aren't really anything, you all are just pansies. If any of you assholes had the damn patience the loading screens wouldn't be so bad. Camera? Fuck you, lazy asshole, I control it myself! The voice acting is marvelous; I just love how Tails is constantly shouting. The graphics are very high quality. I think Eggman is sporting his best design yet. The story was perfect, so much better than the Adventure series. Controls? Best I've seen yet. The whole Sonic and Elise thing? I totally support it. What? They make a cute couple! All in all: a fabulous game, indeed.

Not too long ago, my baby cousin came over to play. He took my beloved Sonic the Hedgehog (not that piece of shit from the 90's) for the PS3 and smashed it with a hammer. So, after I killed him and buried his body in the backyard, I went online (Ebay, of course. Where else?) to buy a new copy.

I took about 10 weeks to get here. The wait was excruciating! Who would have thought the postage from China was that slow? To think I hadn't played this game in 10 weeks! I opened up my new game and saw that there was no label on the disc. Now that I think about it, the cover didn't have one either. I was a little baffled because this was supposed to be a new copy. I put the disc inside my PS3 and began to play. The loading screens were 100 times longer. Oh well.

I noticed right away I could play as Elise. I was so ecstatic! She ran slowly and her controls only allowed walk, run and jump. Fairly limited, I'd say. This must be a prototype! I actually have a prototype of the best game ever made!

She wasn't in any of the playable hub worlds or levels. In fact, she was inside her castle! It sounded like her theme was playing in the background, but slowed down considerably and reversed! Awesome, right?! Anyways, the hallway she started in was very dark. I couldn't move the camera and it was lock into the direction face in front of her so I could see the back. I made her run. Unfortunately, she couldn't turn or anything. He stayed facing the same direction, so I could only go forward.

At this time, I made note of how slow she actually ran. It was far slower than Amy, that's for sure! The frame rate was awful, it was like watching a slideshow, but the slides go faster than normal. I saw something behind her. I heard her scream "Sonic," over and over again, but to no avail.

It quickly caught up to her. I saw a vague glimpse of it. It was blue, with black eyes and glowing red dots in them, and an abnormally large, menacing smile. Sonic? He ripped her head off and I heard him cackle. Hyper-realistic blood spouted everywhere.

I sat wide-eyed in horror and was dumbfounded. Sonic harm anyone? Never! What was SEGA thinking? Then it hit me: SEGA planned to make Sonic evil! This Sonic I saw was the real Sonic and Sonic.exe isn't fake! SEGA planted that and endowed the disc with Sonic's evil spirit to murder people! They were going to reveal Sonic's true colors with this game! But the game had a rough development cycle and the producer, Yuji Naka, retired. So they had to omit this due to time constraints!

I've seen evil Sonic in the corner of my eye. He stalks me. He knows that I know. I'm surely dead.

I still have the game if anyone wants to see it. Only I can't show it to you because I lost it somewhere... also if you see it he might try to find you and kill you too!

Then I reasonably summed everything up in a logical, orderly explanation to preserve my sanity: it's all a glitch.

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