SpongeBob Conspiracy No. 8
I was a fan of Alex Bale since before he even made SpongeBob videos. I remember when his most popular video was about a theory that states that Teletubbies brainwashed children into accepting government authority. He always made me laugh and think about shows in ways that I never thought of before. However, I stumbled upon one video of his that scarred me for life. It made me question reality to the point where I can never watch another Alex Bale video again. I found it while I was scrolling through my feed on April Fools' Day, 2022. I was expecting to see a lot of silly joke videos from channels I've subscribed to. It's a wholesome tradition that I've always participated in every April Fools' Day. However, this video in particular is not an April Fools' joke. The title of the video is SPONGEBOB CONSPIRACY #8 (not an april fools joke). And considering what I saw in that monstrosity, I now have absolutely no reason to distrust that title.
I excitedly clicked on the video, as I usually did with Alex Bale's content. When it started, I immediately noticed something strange. It started with what looked like a computer boot up screen. I didn't think much of it, probably because I was so excited. It then cut to Alex greeting the audience in a slightly robotic voice. I thought to myself, "Did Alex make a text-to-speech program for his voice?" I entertained the idea that it's some kind of April Fools' joke, but the title made me think that it's not. Alex then prepared the audience for what they're about to watch, as he usually does, saying that everything they know about SpongeBob will change and that it's his "darkest theory yet". He began what he called The Squidward Theory by saying that Squidward is a mysterious character without much of a backstory and that he's a big jerk to SpongeBob and Patrick. It seemed like this would be a theory dissecting where Squidward's jerkish personality came from. He then stated that it's weird that Squidward has the last name Tentacles, despite being an octopus. He even said that both squids and octopi have tentacles, so I wasn't sure what he was going for. He then theorized that Squidward is related to King Neptune because squids are part of the ocean and Neptune is the god of the ocean. At this point, I was pretty certain that this video was just an April Fools' joke. He added to his theory by saying that Triton is a big jerk like Squidward, so that could mean they're related.
Alex then starts talking about something completely different: Sandy being ostracized by everyone in the episode Squirrel Jokes and being told that she'll never be good enough to work at the Krusty Krab, which isn't exactly what happens in the episode. He then claims that Sandy is a metaphorical representation of how robots are told that they're not good enough to do jobs that humans do. At this point, I believed I got the joke of the video: Alex was satirizing the robot revolution with a fake text-to-speech AI voice. Although I'm making it sound like I was confused when I was watching this, I actually found it funny. I believed that robots aren't even close to being advanced yet.
A few more jokes about the AI being confused were made... until I noticed something weird about the images displayed on-screen. After the AI mentioned that Larry the Lobster isn't yellow (stay with me here), a few glitched out and/or blurry images of Larry and other characters were shown. "Maybe the 'robot' started to forget what the SpongeBob characters look like?" I thought to myself. The images kept getting weirder and weirder to the point where they kinda started to get creepy. The AI kept getting more and more off-topic and nonsensical about the theories as well. It even said that SpongeBob doesn't have a house, which I was confused about. How would the AI not find information about SpongeBob having a house? After all, everyone knows that SpongeBob lives in a pineapple under the sea. The video even showed images of SpongeBob's house (which were distorted, but still accurate to his actual house).
I started to have a hunch that what was created for the video was made by an actual AI, despite the AI apparently thinking that SpongeBob doesn't have a house. "What kind of sicko would make pictures like this?" I thought to myself. I couldn't believe that Alex would make these pictures; he always seemed like a nice and charming person. I noticed that GIFs of sometimes SpongeBob-related things were even being put in the video. They moved in really unsettling ways and they looked kinda like realistic pictures of distorted houses and humans. At this point, I was really disturbed by what I was seeing, but I was still oddly intrigued, so I kept watching. The AI then started to get even more confused, seemingly talking about the setting and main characters of the SpongeBob cartoon, and it showed an unexplainably distorted picture. It looked like a bedroom in the middle of a subway with a group of little girls staring at the camera. The music started to distort as well. It then cuts to two SpongeBob-looking creatures next to a couch being warped as the camera zooms in. The robot also started speaking Chinese. You might think I'm on some gnarly kind of drug, but you'd be wrong because I showed this to my dad and he saw the same shit I was seeing, so HA!
What then followed is the most disgusting and horrifying thing I have ever seen. A robotic version of Alex started looking at the camera and spouting incoherent nonsense about characters being related to other characters in the show. It then slowly fades to fused human heads and facial parts growing out of each other and floating towards the camera making demonic faces. I can't describe it any better because I wanted to look away from it as much as possible. It looked so realistic; it's like I was witnessing Satan corrupting God's creation right before my very eyes.
The video ended with a computer crash screen and Alex admitting that he tried to have an AI make a SpongeBob conspiracy video for him and that everything we just saw was the result of the experiment. That makes total sense to me, because there is no way in Hell that a human is able to make something like that from scratch. After seeing all that, I will never be the same again. It makes me question Alex Bale's sanity for letting that vile creation be seen by human society. I now wonder where and when life begins and ends. What I've seen makes that hard to figure out. I do know one thing though: Humanity does not know what it's getting into. We need to stop playing God, or else tragedies beyond comprehension will transpire.
The video this pasta is based on...
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