Stoned On Steam

So, I took a hit from the bong. I was already really high, but frankly, I needed to feel like I just jumped from Jupiter, to the fucking Sun. As a hardcore gamer I had this massive rig I had blew all of my cash on, which isn't much, but still I got like a Core i5 and 6gb RAM and shit. I don't need all of the fancy crap. I hopped on Steam, the mouse in one hand, a joint in the other; livin' the fucking life. Don't mean to brag, but I was level 8, higher than you'll ever be and had a collection of over 15 games (3 are DLC's, 2 are demos and 4 are fucking boring as hell but that's still like 7 games). Also, I about 8 friends, one of them even has a low-tier unusual on TF2, fucking awesome.

With my eyes as red as the hyper-realistic blood in all of those creepypastas, I set off to spend the night fucking around on Steam, more stoned that Jesus (It's not in bad taste, it was like 2000 years ago, get over it.). I drew up the chat with one of my very close friends; #YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69. 

TheWeedMan: hey man stoned as hell rite now what u doin?

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: fuck off man i don't even know why i'm still friends with you. how old r u anyways? like 50? lol

TheWeedMan: nah like 30

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: get a life loser

Then he un-friended me. What a chode. "Oh, fuck." I took another hit of the bong. "This shit is so weak. Dealer gave be the wrong stuff." I tried another conversation with a second friend; Gaben The Lord

TheWeedMan: brah you ever try weed? amazing...

Gaben The Lord: dafuq, thought i deleted u

TheWeedMan: wha?

THEN, he fucking deleted me. "Ah! Who needs this shit. I'm gonna play a game." I started playing TF2. A game I had clocked over 200 hours on but was still absolutle trash at it. My favourite class was the Spy but I still couldn't fucking work out how to cloak. Then, #YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69 got back to me.

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: Oh, hey bro. Sorry I reacted that way man.

TheWeedMan: its cool

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: smoking weed huh?

TheWeedMan: yeah boi. alright shit too

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: what kinda job u in?

TheWeedMan: oh i pick up the garbage

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: omg fucking loser

TheWeedMan: what?

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: did u actually think i was sorry? HA!

TheWeedMan: im confused

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: filming for Youtube, BITCH!

TheWeedMan: oh cool

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69: what? ah fuck this seeya!

YOLOSWAG_cod_fanboy_69_69 has gone offline

TheWeedMan: bye mate!

After that confusing shitpile of a mess, I was so high I could barely hold my joint. So, I took a deep inhale and threw the bud away. I was not going to make it through the night. Tooooo stoned. I went to bed and woke up to the smell of burning paint and smoke. The house was on fire. "Aw! Fuck me." I dashed out of the house, I could hear the echo of fire engine sirens. 

Moral of the story: Don't get "Stoned on Steam"

THE END

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