Super Mario 64: The Black Painting

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I was playing my favorite copy of Super Mario 64 one day... and then I saw this small star door I've never seen before in the castle, located right next to Jolly Roger Bay, but on the wall facing away from it next to the front door, where the camera almost couldn't reach.

"Oh my god!!" I screamed in excitement, because I thought I stumbled upon a secret nobody ever found. But I was dead fucking wrong.

I went into the room and it looked exactly like the Bob-Omb Battlefield room. The painting was just a black canvas. I didn't say blank... it was BLACK. Nothing was there. So curiosity got the better of me and I moved Mario towards it to jump inside, and when I did, Mario merely jumped through to the other side. I kept moving him forward in excitement, hoping it was a secret room. Then I saw a television at the end of the black room. Mario went "wahoo!!" and jumped into it... and the screen went black. Nothing happened.

Then, all of the sudden, a fat man with a mustache, overalls, and a mustache fell out of my TV! He got up and said "Mama Mia.... what-a the fuck are you doing in de castle?"

"This isn't the castle. This is my room."

"What?!" the fat plumber said. He looked really weird and creepy. "Where is Bowser? Tell me or I'll..."

He went and picked up my plate of mushroom ravioli I didn't finish earlier. He ate it all and then he started GROWING!

"Mmmm... that's-a good..." the fat man said, growing ever larger. "Mmm....."

"Wait... are you MARIO?" I screamed out loud, but the fat realistic Mario started growing so large he knocked a hole in my roof.

Mario didn't say anything. He jumped up and ground pounded me down until I was flat, and I died.

Actually, this wasn't the narrator writing this story. This is just his friend that came over and I guessed that was what happened to him. Sorry to bother you with this pointless story. Goodbye. (RIP John J. Johnson)



Written by Meaty
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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