Super scary sanic poopsa.

To whoever is reading this: listen carefully and let my grim tale be of warning to you. Know these are my last words, my final message to humanity, for soon, very soon the horrors which I experienced will take their toll and whatever is left of my sanity will finally abandon me.

But first, a premise: I've never been a fan of a particular video game series and I never cared about any particular franchise, I just used to rent whatever looked a fun game at  a blockbuster near my house, for this reason I had very little knowledge of most gaming "icons".

Also, contrary from what some haters I had the displeasure of meeting said, I am NOT a furry and/or in a closet. Thank you very much.

Now that these important premises have been stated it is time to start my story.

One day I rented a sonic game for the Playstation 2. I had no prior knowledge of the Sonic franchise as I had never owned a Sega console.

I'm not sure about what its name was but I think it might have been called Sonic Heroes. Also the fact that in the back of the cover there was a white bat with a remarkable cleavage did not influence my decision of renting the game because I'm not a furry.

Nothing unpleasant happened while playing and I recall that I had a good time with it; it was nothing special but I had fun nonetheless.

But now that it's too late for me I finally understand what that game was: a bait! A way to trick you into entering the horrifying world of Sonic!

Disaster struck few years later.

I think Blockbuster went bankrupt or something so I had to buy my games at a nearby gamestop. Luckily I was from a rich family so I could actually afford their prices.

I don't remember what I had the intention of buying that day, because as soon as I saw the cover of that game I decided  to buy it. I remembered having fun with a game from the same franchise and this one looked...special. The cover simply read "Sonic the Hedgehog".  I saw the pictures and the description on the back of the cover and it looked like an amazing game. I also thought that since the franchise was so loved and famous all of its games must have been at least good if not exceptional.  Thinking back there must have been something else that made me desire that game so much, maybe it was a subliminal message designed to enthrall simpler minds. No, that can't be it! I was and still am a smart gamer! A subliminal message couldn't have affected me! It must have been something more... sinister. Something dark. An evil force that resided within the game and is probably still there, Lurking, hiding, waiting for its next unwitting prey.

As soon as I arrived home I placed the game into the console and I started playing. The initial cutscene had impressive graphics judging from the ten of it I watched before I decided to skip it.

Because, seriously, only nerds watch cutscenes.

After an interminably long loading screen I was in the game. I was playing as Sonic, and following me was Tails (I know the names because I did a lot of research on Deaviantart.com. You wouldn't believe the stuff I saw Rouge the Bat do; the sight of  which, by the way left me completely unaffected). I was in the town I saw in those ten seconds of cutscene.  I could feel there was something a bit ...off but at that time I couldn't figure out what it was.  I couldn't freely explore the town because some guys with a ridiculous looking uniform blocked the way.

I headed in the only direction I could: forward.  After a while I saw an old man with a blue exclamation mark on his head and I thought it would have been a good idea to speak with him. I walked to him and pressed the "A" button.

Loading screen.

He told me something I didn't care about enough to remember.

Another loading screen.

I then had to do some sort of mission where I had to run through  rings. The mission would have been relatively easy if the developers didn't have the idea of having the camera purposefully rotate 180 degrees at the most inconvenient times. I thought it was an original idea to add more difficulty to an otherwise easy minigame. And then...

Loading screen.

The game then proceeded to rate my proficiency. I was then rated with a C and then the old man spoke some gibberish again and gave me one hundred rings.

Loading screen.

I started to wonder about the utility of those loading screens. Surely you didn't need to reload the whole city every single time something happened. No sane developer would publish a game with these load times I thought. Then why? What was the reason behind those loading times?

Then for some reason I had to buy new shoes and entered the first level. To reach the entrance of the level I had to press square near a long row of rings to slide through them, which would allow me to "fly" over a tract of sea to a small rock where the portal was situated. When I was about halfway through the row of rings I heard a muffled cry that sounded a lot like Tails. The level was one, massive, beach.

That's when it all started.  It was so sudden, there were glitches everywhere. Sonic would just ignore the laws of physics,  sometimes when near a small rock he would glitch out for a second and start standing upright on the side of the rock at a 45 degree angle, sometimes he would just start shaking at an impressive speed while still standing upright and never changing from his default standing  pose. Other times, while in a section where you have to run very fast he would be hit by non-existing obstacles  which sent him flying around uncontrollably while flailing his arms and legs wildly, clearly experiencing  an unbelievable amount of pain. Surely a game this glitched could have never been released by a respectable company like Sega. This had to be intentional. This had to be the deliberate creation of a deranged, cruel mind. Or was it the game itself, torturing the poor hedgehog and intentionally messing with the player? Was the game haunted by some mysterious force? I later found out that that was the case.

The level finally ended. I promptly skipped the cutscene that  played after another one of those loading screens, because, again, not a nerd.

It was after I returned to the town where you start the game when I finally understood everything; the reason behind the loading screens and what was off about the town.

The loading screens were there to give the player enough time to process all the terror the player was put through. To let the rising fear turn into sheer horror. It was a smart move, I must admit it.

And the town... oh god the town! The town itself wasn't the problem. It was the people! When they talked they moved the their mouth and gesticulated like a normal person would, they were trying to speak, to scream, to warn you to turn back, to tell you to shut off the game, but the only thing that came out of their mouth was a dull and lifeless "Hey". Everyone was like that. Some dark force, some malicious entity was sucking the life out of them.

I knew I had to watch the next cutscene to see what was going on but it consisted of teasing some sexual tension between Sonic and an underaged human girl called Elise so I skipped it because it made me feel unconfortable.

The next level wasn't any better or any worse than the beach level, except there was no sea. I will not describe it because I would just repeat myself. I'd rather get to what happened after that level.

I skipped the next cutscene too because the SonicXElise ship was giving me conflicting feelings. And then I met him. The dark energy had taken a physical form. At first it looked like a lazy palette swap of Sonic, it looked just like him, except with grey fur, green eyes and a marijuana leaf on his forehead, but I knew Sega was better than that. It took me some time of just staring at him but then I understood the meaning behind his looks; this was clearly the work of an evil genius. His form mocked you by reflecting your looks and your flaws  and the color of his fur...grey... was just the manifestation of all the boredom, the depression and the lack of care that the game exuded .

I tried fighting him. He was standing still for most of the time not even trying to block my hits, but I was too scared to attack. Sometimes he would throw chairs and tables at me with his psychic powers but through sheer skills I avoided them all. I Kept running in circles around- him trying to find an opening, I lunged at him with a homing attack but he blocked it effortlessly. Before throwing Sonic's limp body away with his psychokinetic powers he uttered three words which are still seared in my mind, three words which I keep hearing in my nightmares : "IT'S. NO. USE".

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