T'was the Night Before Grogstence

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I'll start out by saying, I'm a pretty big fan of obscure Christmas movies. Especially the really shitty direct to video Hallmark channel movies. Me and my roommate have this Christmas tradition each year to gift each other the worst movies we could find and then watch them all together. This year I got him like 8 different movies all called "A Christmas tree". Anyways, I was unwrapping his gift and started laughing really fucking hard. "T'was the Night Before Grogstence" it said on the front cover, with a crudely drawn version of what seemed to be Santa, clutching a Party City battle axe in his right arm. It looked fucking TERRIBLE and I couldn't wait to watch it. I looked over to my roommate to thank him and became absolutely horrified. His eyes were bulging out, his face smiling ear to ear. "Ryan, what the fuck-", I started, until he interrupted me. "DA MOO VEEEEE EYE GAVED UUU ESSS A SCARGEYYZ MOVOEOFSIIE ANNN ETSS GONSANQAA KILL LDF UUUUUU" He spoke in child-like gibberish, almost completely unintelligible. I reached for my phone to call 911, and started to dial until a life-size plastic skeleton was chucked at me. "DENN AA SKELELETENN POOPPED OUTT@!!!!1", Screamed Ryan, I started crying out of confusion as he splashed me with fake blood, aiming for my eyes. "AAAAA KNOOOOO UR EYEZ RR BLODODDSHOTT AND HYPERWEALISTIC !!!", Ryan yelled this repeatedly as I bawled my eyes out in visceral fear. He ran over to the bathroom and then proceeded to open the door, then dropped onto the floor and proceeded to sing "Walk the Dinosaur" By Was (Not Was).

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