TRUE STORIES FROM SEAN'S CHILDHOOD 2
IN OUR SECOND GRADE, EACH DAY STARTED OUT WITH THE WHOLE CLASS SITTING IN A CIRCLE ON THE CARPET WHILE THE TEACHER WOULD TELL US WHAT ACTIVITIES WERE PLANNED FOR THAT DAY. SHE WAS OLD AND GOT THE ONE CUSHION TO SIT ON. ANYWAY, THERE WAS A MILDLY OBESE BUT OTHERWISE UNREMARKABLE GIRL IN OUR SECOND GRADE CLASS NAMED JENN OR SOMETHING. ONE DAY, HALFWAY THROUGH THIS UNCOMFORTABLE AND BORING SESSION, SHE FARTED EXTREMELY LOUDLY, AND THEN SORT OF CASUALLY LOOKED AROUND AT THE CLASS WITH THIS BLISSFUL, OBLIVIOUS SMILE ON HER FACE. WE ALL STARTED LAUGHING AND THE SMILE FADED IN ABOUT HALF A SECOND, AND WAS REPLACED BY A FLASH OF INSIGHT FOLLOWED BY TEARS. SHE RAN OUT OF THE ROOM.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH DOMINANCE HIERARCHIES IN NATURE BUT FOR EXAMPLE IN A PACK OF WOLVES, THE BOTTOM WOLF'S LIFE IS COMPLETE, UNRELENTING HELL AS ALL THE OTHERS SAVAGELY TORMENT IT TO REINFORCE THEIR OWN MORE DOMINANT POSITION. ONE SLIP OF THIS HAPLESS PERSON'S CLENCHED BUTTOCKS INSTANTLY AND PERMANENTLY REDUCED HER TO THIS POSITION FOR THE ENTIRE REST OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. THAT IS, FROM GRADES TWO THROUGH EIGHT SHE WAS ABSOLUTELY REVILED BY US ALL AND HAD NO FRIENDS EXCEPT WHEN ADULTS - WHO COULD NOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THE INTRICATE LAWS OF STATUS - FORCED US TO INVITE HER TO OUR BIRTHDAY PARTIES. WE WOULD DEVISE GRIM POTENTIAL SCENARIOS: WOULD IT BE WORSE TO HUG JANE FOR 3 MINUTES OR HAVE TO HAVE ONLY NASTY SCHOOL SLOPPY JOES FOR LUNCH UNTIL YOU DIED? WOULD IT BE WORSE TO HAVE JENN SIT NEXT TO YOU OR LOSE A FINGER? WE YELLED THESE AT HER ON THE PLAYGROUND.
ONE SLIP OF THE BUTT-CHEEKS AND YOUR LIFE IS FUCKED.
Originally from 711chan
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