TRUE STORIES FROM SEAN'S CHILDHOOD 3

AT SOME POINT, MY SISTER AND I GOT INTO A SAVAGE FIGHT IN THE BACK YARD OVER THE USE OF THE SLIP-N-SLIDE. THAT IS TO SAY, IT WOULD BE FAIR FOR US TO TAKE TURNS BUT BOTH OF US WANTED TO SIMPLY SLIDE BACK AND FORTH ON IT WITHOUT INTERRUPTION. AS WITH MANY WARS, CONTROL OF NATURAL RESOURCES WAS AT THE HEART OF THIS CONFLICT.

I MANAGED TO GET BEHIND HER, AND TWISTED HER ARM AROUND, RENDERING HER HELPLESS. USING MY ARM-LEVERAGE I FORCED HER OVER TO THE FLOWER BED, AND DEMANDED THAT SHE EAT A HANDFUL OF MUD, OR I WOULD PUNCH HER IN THE FACE. UNHAPPILY SHE COMPLIED, AND THEN RAN INSIDE TO TELL MY PARENTS ABOUT THIS "TREATY OF VERSAILLES"-STYLE ABUSE OF MY VICTORY. MY DAD ANGRILY CALLED OUT TO THE GARDEN FOR ME TO COME INSIDE BECAUSE "WE HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT". MY OTHER SIBLINGS HOWLED "PUNISH HIM", HOPING FOR A RARE SPANKING. HE TOLD ME THAT WHAT I DID WAS WRONG, AND THAT I WOULD HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.

WHILE I WAITED FEARFULLY, HE PRONOUNCED HIS JUDGEMENT: I WAS TO GO TO MY ROOM FOR HALF AN HOUR. MY SISTER CRIED "WHAT??????" IN SHOCK AS I RAN UP THE STAIRS LAUGHING.

TO THIS DAY, SHE CONSIDERS THIS ONE OF THE GREATEST INJUSTICES THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN.

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Originally from 711chan

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