Taking a shit in the middle of a store
This is a fictional copypasta... obviously.
AITA for taking a shit in the middle of Dillard's because God told me to?
I (46M) have always been a very spiritual person, and enjoy experimenting with different ways to reach higher states of mind. One day after some research on spiritual/metaphysical focused internet forums, I learned that some kinds of drugs can induce a more divine understanding of the universe when in effect. One of the drugs listed was Benadryl, which I happened to have in my house thanks to allergy season. That night I decided to try it out. I took about 40 pills to be sure I was going to experience the fullest effect.
Naturally, the Benadryl did what it does best and made me fall asleep very quickly. I remember I was dreaming quite vividly when a large man (∞M) with a perm, a bright sparkly blue suit, and white sparkly cowboy boots approached me. He told me he was God. I was flabbergasted and expressed in every way I could how honored I felt to be in his presence. The man then silenced me and informed me that he beckoned me here because there was a sacred prophecy that needed to be fulfilled, and that I was the Chosen One. He told me that the only way for the prophecy to be fulfilled was to take a shit on the floor in the middle of a random department store. I graciously accepted and he sent me on my way.
That's when I woke up drenched in sweat, knowing I had a decision to make. If the internet forums were correct, I actually achieved reaching a transcendent state of being. After a bit of pondering, I decided I needed to do what I was put on this earth for. I got in my car and drove to the nearest mall. I meandered around inside, feeling a bit nervous, until I finally found a department store. I walked into the store and browsed for a bit while contemplating the events from the night prior. I knew that God was counting on me. I found an open area that I determined would be suitable for such sacred procedures, made sure no one was paying attention, and pulled down my pants. Now in hindsight, it probably would have been wiser to pull my pants down as far as I would on a toilet instead of stripping butt ass naked. Obviously I can't change the past, so I will acknowledge my mistake and move on.
I squatted down on the cold linoleum tile, and fulfilled the prophecy. I stood up and stared at the newly formed religious symbol, unsure of what was to happen next. I noticed several employees walking towards me. I presumed them to be acolytes preparing to bathe me in wine and adorn me in the finest garments. Apparently I was wrong about that and they kicked me out of the store and called the police. I am currently writing this from jail while awaiting a response from my lawyer. I've been pondering this and need to know, am I the asshole?
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