Tales From the Burgerverse: Generic Blockbuster Movie with Action and High Name Actor

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wun day JEFF THE KILLER went to da store wit his hunee JANE DA KILLER and then ALL OF MY BLOOD WAS PUNCHED OUT AND MY SKELETON POPPED OUT AND ZOMG IT WAS 2SPOOKY4ME!!!!!!!!!!1!

Then! Jack Black joined and played the same tired character he has played for the past 20 something years.

AND THEN A MOTHERFUCKING EXPLOSIONG AT THE GROCERY STORE WHERE ALL OF THE CREEPYPASTA CHARACTERS GET THEIR TOMATO SAUCE

Coming this summer: Jeff the Killer vs Jason Vorhees

With Jack Black played Jason and Jeff playing Jeff.

Directed by Some Corporate Jackass.

Script below:

[15 minutes of opening credits]

Opening Scene: Establishing shot. Establish that Jeff the Killer lives in a house. Establish location as Gary, Indiana.

todo HOW DID THE PROGRAMMING WIZARDS GET IN HERE fix: how do we work with the fucking director when he wants us to program a blender

sudo GIVE UP

Scene 1: Jeff the Killer, played not by Jack Black but by some random guy pulled off the road, kicks down door. Stock woman scream. Stock knife stab sounds. Stock blood effects.

Queue dialogue: "I FINALLY FLAYED THIS FETID MORTAL OF THEIR MATERIAL SKIN!"

note from script writer: Corporate made us write this. Also when did Jeff have cybernetics?

Abridged memorandum: Corporate probably made him with whatever the janitor could find.

Scene 2: Jeff turns to looked at the camera. Slash effect. Title splash.

Note from effects department: HOW DO YOU MAKE THE SLASH FROM THE LEFT MAKE A RIGHT SIDE SLASH

Scene 3: Establishing shot of Camp Crystal Lake, somewhere in New Jersey. Jason Vorhees swims across the largest lake to catch a boat. Gives person inside a life jacket. Proceeds to slam tackle box into fisher's head.

note from lore nerd: fuck this i quit

Scene 4: The boat explodes as Jason swims away. Have Jason teleport to Gary, Indiana via Greyhound bus.

Scene 5: Queue boring character.

"Did you hear about..." they start.

Cut camera to Jeff the Killer at the gas station. Buys hot dog. (Not actual hot dog. Just a prop made with a rug)

Scene 6: Jane the Killer walks in the same gas station. Queue 20 minutes of unbroken dialouge.

note from script writers: we can't work with this!

End draft.

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