Teeth (Like the Film) but They're in My Ass

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"I have teeth in my ass." I said, finally relieved to get the reality off of my chest.

"Wow." Said my gay friend, in a stereotypically flamboyant way (I can say this because I have a gay friend, so it is somewhat tongue in cheek and in no way homophobic).

"Thank god you're not gay," My gay friend continued. "As this would be like some kind of horrific reverse vagina dentata horror story."

"Yeah. Can you imagine? That's a lazy ass horror story waiting to be written."

"Probably already has been..."

"I can chop carrots with it you know. My ass. The teeth in my ass, that is."

"You can?"

"Yeah, it's good for salads and shit."

"You should try an enema, then you could do salads without the shit."

So witty.

For the next hour or so we did some things with the teeth in my ass. Sharpened pencils, diced cucumber, opened a tough jar of pickles.

"You know sometimes you get poos that are too big to flush? Not me."

"Cool."

"But I think I'm going to go see a doctor about it, because it's probably not normal or healthy."

"Good call."

"I bleed a lot from my anus."

"Yep."

---

Credited to koalazeus 

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