Teh Holder of Holderz

In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit someone who calls itself "Teh Holder Of Holderz". The worker's face should twist, and he should look at you like you're some kind of idiot. Ask again, this time more firmly. The worker will grow angry and say "Get the fuck out."

Laugh like it's a joke and walk out of the building like you're drunk. Make sure to ramble on nonsense to make it seem more convincing.

If you did it right, the worker should call his co-workers and tackle you down, strapping you in a strait jacket and throwing you in a dark padded room.

The cell shall remain silent for a few hours, but when you finally think you need to piss your pants, a small shitty television set should roll in from the darkness.

From there you will be forced to watch every lame cliche creepypasta lost episode ever made. Do not utter a single word during the presentation, or you will be stuck in a relm of horrible pastas for eternity. Do not look away from the television screen, or else the television's feelings will be hurt and the presentation will stop, and will never start again unless you seriously apologize. If you haven't noticed, its hard to apologize to inanimate objects, so basically you'll be stuck in a padded cell for the remainder of your life, or until the mental institution is closed down and they discover your dead body.

Once the presentation concludes with the final cursed Phineas and Ferb episode, the bottom of the cell with turn into a dark void and you will be sucked in.

You will wake up in the middle of Wal-Mart. I reccomend that you go to the check out area first, but you can take a couple of items while you're at it. After all, its hard to resist taking a couple of items while you're all alone in a Wal-Mart.

Go to check out lane 69. A man wearing a K-Mart employee shirt should be standing at the cash register. Do not give him the items that you stole, as he will take them from you and force them into a cheap, plastic bag. Instead, ask him the question, "Aren't you supposed to be at K-Mart?"

He will look down at his T-shirt and sigh, taking off his T-shirt and walking out the door. You look at the items you stole; if you do not have at least one food item, one electronic item, and one usless item you will spend your life trapped in a Wal-Mart where the Wi-Fi on your Ipod will suck eggs and the reception on your phone is crap.

If you do have these items, you will be transported to a dark, damp place that smells like salt. You realize you can't breathe and begin coughing. You make an attempt to breathe once again, but it's almost like you're...

Underwater.

You try to swim to the surface of wherever you are, but you will fail. You look around and see a familiar looking sponge staring at you. If you make direct eye contact with him, he will shoot himself in the head and a bunch of idiots will make up stories of how they saw this Sponebob episode because they were interns at Nickoldeon. If you do not make eye contact with him, he will laugh and hand you a jar of white substance, similar to mayo, but not as thick. Before you have a chance to taste any, you are teleported back, soaking wet, sleeping next to Bob Saget. Sneak out of his house, and return home. When you walk through the front door, you will find an animated jar of white substance near the shoes.

This jar of jizz is object 666 of Pi. Make sure to coat all of the objects you have collected in this jar of jizz, causing the object to become ruined, ruining your quest to find the rest of the damn items.

It's alright, anyways, because the guys at the mental institutions are getting pretty fucking tired of you coming in and asking for some Holder of something.

Comments • 0

Loading comments...