The 21st
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NSFW WARNING
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I had erectile dysfunction to begin with. If you remember one detail, dear reader, remember this, or the events that transpired will hold no horror, no chills upon your body, no mind numbing terror. So you shall forgive me for stating that which bears repeating: I have erectile dysfunction.
It was a bitter cold day in a suburb of Nashville. The thin blankets of frost kissed the ground, providing a fragile yet satisfying crunch with every cautious step. Had the sun endeavored the courage to meet the world, it might have transformed it all to a nourishing quench to the barren land. But alas, no such plans came to fruition. This was bittersweet, for while I amused myself with a melodic gait, I soon greeted the all too familiar sting that comes with being ill prepared for a day such as this. That is to say, I was a smidge on the cold side due to not wearing adequate winder garb.
As I approached my destination, my mind suddenly vacated. I froze, as a single name permeated my consciousness. Frieda.
Ah, Freida! What would I give to gaze upon her elegant, swanlike neck. What would I pay to spend just one more day warm in the bask of her warm, caring gaze. Oh how she would gaze! Now, she was but a distant ember in the hearth of my life.
I wondered why I thought of her now, if all times, of all days! But then, my curiosity was sated. However, what transpired made me wish I had never stepped out of my humble abode at all. Read on, my dear sweet cherished reader, read on! You will scarcely believe your senses, as the haunting tale unfolds.
As I pondered, another thought was able to shimmy and squeeze into the folds of my brain. It was getting colder. Yes, as brisk as it was, it was about to get even more brisk. I wasn't sure if I was up for such briskness, but knew I had to reach the ATM. For how was I to purchase a delicious bagel with schmear (forgive my abrasive slang, but I must confess that I am of Judaic faith and have a coincidental fondness for plain cream cheese) from my local Einstein Bros?
I was naught but five steps away from my destination, when I could go no further. Not physically, mind you. I stopped due to noticing with rapid speed a phenomenon not easily explained. The wind collected into a tight swirl. A strange translucent shape began to build within.
A swirl, a twirl, a... Girl? Well, yes. And no. It was a girl, faintly appearing before my eyes. And yet, I could see the frost untouched, unsoiled, below her feet. At this moment, I was sure of three things. This was the spitting likeness of my long lost Freida. That it took all my strength not to emit a shrill screech in fear. And that I was in for an experience of a lifetime that I would not soon forget.
There she was: a ghost. "Oh, shit," said I. Then, my blood ran with both the consistency and temperature of ice. The ghost then tried to give me a blowjob. But I couldn't get hard. For hours she tried, but a boner never came.
The end...?
Credited to CommaDelimitedList
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