The Attack of Zombie Reagan
One night Ronald Reagan returned from the dead, screaming "LOW TAXES!" in a deep and gravelly voice. Then he saw how Obama was running the country and got pissed off. He killed a fresh zombie to return himself to regular human form and went to his personal armory hidden under the Washington monument to get some guns. He walked outside, dual-wielding two miniguns with lazer-shooting sunglasses. He called his gigantic bald eagle and jumped on its back, flying around the White House.
Then the police showed up and started shooting at Reagan, but the bullets just bounced off of him. The eagle swooped down, grabbing most of the cops and causing the rest to run away.
Then Reagan's eagle opened its mouth, revealing a missile launcher. It fired a missile at the White House, blowing up most of it and forcing Obama to jump out and stand on top of the Washington monument like some kind of ninja or something.
Then Obama got out two big shotguns and aimed them at Reagan after he jumped off the eagle and onto what was left of the White House's roof. "I refuse to let you end my dictatorship." Then Obama fired flaming shotgun bullets and Reagan dodged them like in The Matrix. I mean these guys were going at it like in a fucking anime or video game or something because the Washington monument is, like, three blocks away from the White House. I checked on Google Maps.
Then Reagan fired his dual miniguns at the Washington monument below, causing Obama to fall and get trapped under the rubble. Reagan came up to the ruins of the Washington monument. "I win ..." Reagan dropped his miniguns and stared at the rubble, enjoying his victory.
Then Obama jumped out and kicked Reagan in the chest, sending him back forty miles. He walked up to him and said, "No, I win." Then Obama brushed off his suit and smoked a victory cigar.
"I still win." Reagan put his lazer sunglasses and fired them at Obama.
Obama lied on the ground, screaming like a bitch over his eye that Reagan lazered off. Just as the former president was about to finish him off, Obama had one last thing to say: "WAIT!"
Reagan stopped. "What?"
"I want a BB gun for Christmas!"
"You'll shoot your eye out, president ..." Reagan quickly dug a hole going down one-hundred miles and kicked Obama into it.
"I'll be back," Obama said like in The Terminator.
Then Reagan covered up the hole and the government decided to re-inaugurate him. President Ronald Reagan decided to celebrate with a victory freedom burger.
Meanwhile, Obama sits in his underground prison and plans his revenge.
Written by ThatCelticFurry
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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