The Ballad Of Boo Boo Chicken (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Lost Episode)
When you want a Diet Coke; you want a Diet Coke. Ahem! Sorry about that; now personally, I despise working on a farm. I very rarely use that type of language, but I'm sorry there's no way I can hold back when talking about my utter distain for working on a farm. I own a small rundown farm in Walnut Pass, and that might not sound that bad but let me tell you this. Every day, I have to deal with either bandits or greedy worms coming to rob me of my entire supply. It's out of blooming control I tell ya! I'm not joking here; worms are probably my least favourite animal on the entire planet. I don't even know why we've got them to be honest with you. They do nothing but ruin a perfectly good garden, and I see no problem in them going extinct to be honest with you. To make matters even worse, I live right next door to a nuclear powerplant and because they're quite the bastards they pour loads of hazardous materials onto my crops. The worms of course eat said crops, and this causes them to become super mutant worms with sharp teeth. Teeth as sharp as knives which can cut through my feathers like a knife through a yule log. I have tried my best to hire people to kill the greedy worms, but people are not usually very willingly to help me with my problems as they are far more interested in stealing my power crystal supply. Yes, I hoard power crystals in order to scare away the moths. Power crystals are the one thing that moths are truly afraid of, and if you've got a fear of moths I start collecting those gosh darn crystals if I were you!
Moving on from my immense hatred of worms; I should also mention that one of the main damning reasons behind my hatred of working on a farm is because of the amount of enemies I've amassed since working on one. My two biggest rivals in the market are Amos Slade and Farmer Francis, Both men always got out their way to wreck havoc upon my land. Farmer Francis though not as intelligent or as ruthless as Slade was far more dangerous as he had a kinship with Terrence The Tractor. As a matter of fact, Terrence worked for Francis and during the Winter the pair plough through the snowy streets of Oakton City allowing for cars to pass through without the fear of sliding all over the place. As you might have expected; this snow ploughing business has brought the pair a great deal of revenue. Well it's brought Farmer Francis a great deal of revenue as since Terrence is ya know a tractor he obviously has no real use for money. That's kind of sad honestly. I would shed a tear for ole Terrence, but that prick deserves it after he and Farmer Francis did a drive by of sorts on my house. One chilly evening, Francis and Terrence drove past my house and threw huge clumps of mud at the house. I got caked in the mud since I was out on the front porch reading a magazine. I certainly hoped it was mud anyway. Smelt more like harmonic reinforcements if you ask me! The only good thing I can say about ole Francis is that he is pretty dumb, and if anything he usually tries his best to avoid me because I remind him of his brother Michael. Francis' brother Michael owns a hotel in Lost Heaven, and the pair well to put it bluntly don't see eye to eye. An eye for an eye is certainly not the phrase to use when describing Farmer Francis and his relationship with his brother. Ahem!
Now, Amos Slade on the other hand was the crueller man and was far more ruthless than Farmer Francis could ever hope to be. Although in all fairness as the years have passed, Amos has started to become less and less ruthless. This change in personality like stemmed from 2006 when he got caught stealing pies at the local carnival in Walnut Pass. Amos was forced under threat of death to make a public apology to the bakers of the pie, and he albeit very reluctantly did it. The old Amos Slade never would have done that! He'd of said; "bullocks to that!" But now? Well people; let's just say that Amos Slade has really gone down hill. Now in stark contrast to Farmer Francis who mainly loves to pull practical jokes on me and my farm. Amos Slade prefers to use more underhanded tactics shall we say to get back at me. For example, Slade once convinced the entire farmers market that my apples had been laced with rat poison. "That's not true goddammit!" I yelled at the top of my birdy lungs, but nobody believed me. Desperate to prove my innocence, I asked a local fish monger to try one of my apples. I wish I had never done that, as the fish monger ended up coughing his guts out as he cried, "oh no!" He then proceeded to spontaneously combust into a million tiny bite size pieces. I guess you could say that the fish monger is sleeping with the fishes. Actually don't say that because this is serious peeps. As a result of that incident, I was banned from ever attending the farmer's market again. It probably didn't help that the fish monger was one of the main judges for the farmer's market which helped influence the other judges' decision to ban me from ever attending again.
I knew fully well that Amos Slade had laced that apple with rat poison. He had always it out for me just because I won the number 1 prize for the largest pumpkin at the farmer's market in Autumn 2003. Ever since that incident, Farmer Francis and Amos Slade have been conspiring together to make my live a living hell. They annoy me to no end, and the problem is that we're not very far from one another. Amos Slade's farm is located just up the hill from my own while Farmer Francis is just a few blocks away. I did however manage to get my own back on a couple occasions like when I tricked Farmer Francis into eating an entire tube of raw cookie dough. He been led to believe by me that it was actually just a sausage with raisons. Oh Farmer Francis you foolish corndog you! Farmer Francis ate the entire tube right before he went to give an incredibly important and rather boring speech in front of a much agriculture students at Coolidge College. Needless to say; it was not a pretty sight and even to this day that damn assembly hall smells like rotten meat and pretty much anything rotten than you can possibly imagine. I also pulled a prank on Amos Slade which involved me driving around his land on my tractor in the dark of night. In the dark of the night where people will find Cleese! Could it be Jon Cleese? In any case, Amos was very angry especially when I 'accidentally' destroyed his priced picked fence with my tractor. Angry beyond any reasonable mention, Amos shot one of my rear view mirrors off with his shotgun as he threatened, "if you destroy my fence again I'll blast you! And the next time; I won't miss!"
Wanting to leave the farming life behind for good; I decided my darndest to join up with the Oakton City Bikers led by Mitch Baker. The Oakton City Bikers are an incredibly powerful biker gang whose main businesses include arms dealing, robberies, and murder for hire. The gang also love throwing illegal street races, but most of the time the cops don't bat an eyelid due to a grand majority of them being on the gang's payroll and for big money too. Mitch Baker was a very short sighted man mainly because he refused to wear his contacts despite his mother urging him to do so. At first, Mitch refused to accept me into the gang as he didn't like birds because as a child his mother bought him a pet canary as a birthday present. That canary ruined Mitch's life... well not really because Mitch eventually threw the bastard into the furnace of his grandmother's place. The canary used to mock Mitch for his ghastly ps2 looking face, and he also played rocking 2000's rock music every morning at 5 am. If that's not bad enough; the stupid little shithead plays the music at the highest volume despite Mitch urging him to turn it down a little. "What's that ya say? Turn it up!?" The canary would proclaim each and every morning. I think it's abundantly clear why Mitch had to kill the fecker, I mean what would you do if you were in his situation. Really, Mitch was the smart one.
The Oakton City Bikers operate out of a small bar in Downtown Oakton, and I went there in order to introduce myself to Mitch and his chief lieutenants. Now as I said earlier; at first, Mitch was not very fore coming to the idea of a bird joining his gang. Mitch scoffed at my hideous hat as he said; "this ain't no country club son; can you handle a bike?" I scoffed at the remark and joked, "can you sit on a stool and drink?" I can honestly guarantee feather on heart that I will never get another zinger quite like that one again. I guess Mitch must have been impressed by my little comeback as he turned to face two of his boys and said, "Cougar Zeppelin go see how this bird handles a bike." Mitch wanted me to prove myself by winning a street race against some of his top retainers. I think Mitch really needs to think about who he's recruiting into his ranks as the majority of his men kept falling off their bikes during the race. Heck, one guy ended up crashing into the side of the local English pub. I ended up winning the race with no problems whatsoever, and that evening I was brought back to the bar to meet up with a very pleased Mitch Baker. "Welcome to the Oakton City Bikers son!" Mitch proclaimed happily as we spent the rest of the night drinking wimp rat juice and cruising around town making a general ruckus. I learned more about Mitch and the gang's history.
After leaving home, Mitch joined the army where he learned how to shoot and ride a bike. He got kicked out of the army for organising street races, and he went on to join the Oakton City Bikers. He gained control of the gang after getting involved in a violent blood feud for the title of gang leader. He managed to kill the original leader by throwing him into the old car crusher in Harwood, and following that incident, Mitch took control of the gang for himself and has since established himself as one of the most fearless and deadly men in Oakton City's vast and expansive criminal underworld. For the next month or so, I managed to fully intergrade myself into the gang as a trusted enforcer and I felt as though I had finally found a place to call my home. I was getting ready to close up shop, and sell my farm but that's when it all came crashing down. I ended up getting in Mitch's bad books when I agreed to aid some of Mitch's boys in robbing a gas station against Mitch's wishes. Despite his rugged tough guy persona, Mitch was actually very intelligent and all of his robberies had a great deal of planning and care behind them. He warned me and the others from robbing the gas station due to it being frequented by cops. Mitch preferred to target the gas stations in lower class areas like Burbank Avenue and Edbrook. Mitch was having enough trouble with the cops lately as it is, and he didn't want to run the risk of running afoul of Baron Gwyn Claude, and getting his private army after the gang.
The gas station job ended up going terribly. No surprise there really was there? Because I'm pretty dumb I thought that I would be a good idea to shoot at the gas tanks which caused the entire station to explode. All of the bikers who accompanied me on the job were killed in the explosion, and I only just managed to escape the chaos and ran all the way back to the bar when this time an angry Mitch Baker was waiting to greet me. Mitch was prepared to call a hit out on me for taking part in such a disastrous job, but I pleaded and pleaded with him to reconsider it. Mitch agreed and gave me an incredibly simple task in order to earn my crust whatever that means. He tasked me with getting his prized bike back from the Molinari Crime Family. The Molinari's had recently began taxing Mitch's bar for protection money, and one of Mitch's lieutenants decided to pay off the debt by giving the Molinari's Mitch's most prized possession. I must admit; the bike looked pretty sick as it was decorated to look like the American flag and it had red neon lights. The bike had cost Mitch a fortune in grocery bills. Oh man can you even imagine the grocery bills? Makes ya think don't it? Mitch gave me strict orders not to kill anyone holding the bike as he and the Molinari Family had a truce or a parlay of sorts. I didn't head Mitch's advice as I ended up going in guns a blazing! I killed all of the Molinari pricks, and stole Mitch's bike right from under their nose. I laughed hysterically as I rode the bike back to the bar, but it was Molinari who got the last laugh as I ended up crashing my bike into a nearby lake where Shrek was taking a steamy dump. I tried to act unknowingly, but Shrek could see through my ruse. Shrek sees all!
The failed gas station robbery combined with me destroying his most priced possession caused Mitch to put a hit out on me. I headed to the bar and only just managed to get past security by claiming I needed to take a really big dump. Mitch was incredibly angry as he grabbed me by the beak with his immense strength as he yelled; "I thought I told you never to come back here traitor!?" I struggled to get words out as I said, "Mitch... come... on... man... think... of all.... the good.... times." Mitch threw me onto the woodened floor as he said, "a lesson you need to learn kid is that being one of us ain't just about brawling. It's about being part of a family." Mitch then proceeded to pull a DVD out from his ear and handed it over to me. "What's this?" I asked as I looked the DVD over. It was a small blank and downright smelly DVD case. On the front cover there was a terrifying picture of Mickey Mouse which had been drawn in pot noodle sauce. "I want you to give this DVD to the Molinari's at their social club up in Midtown as a sorry for killing some of their top guys. They'll pay anything for some prime bootlegs." I then went on to ask Mitch about the contents of the DVD, and this is when he explained to me that the DVD contained a never before seen episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse which briefly aired for 45 seconds on Disney Jr until it was taken off because it caused an old lady in Bedfordshire to jump out of a three story window. I agreed to hand the DVD over to the Molinari's, and Mitch informed me that if I was successful in doing so he would happily call the hit off.
Leaving the bar, I made my way down the streets towards the farm and took a quick stop at Tesco's in order to buy some a 12 pack of Snickers because I ain't delivering no DVD on an empty stomach. On my way out of Tesco, I got pulled aside by Amos Slade who greeted me with, "Ernest! Farmer Ernest! Good to see; listen I wanted to talk to you about something." "Yeah? Well I haven't got time. My boss gave me this DVD and I..." I was cut off as Amos Slade gave me a massive slap across my beak. I held my beak in pain as Amos Slade asked, "have you even checked the DVD to see if to works?" "Well uh no." I said rather awkwardly as Amos Slade made the bold suggestion that I watch the DVD with him before I deliver to the Molinari's. Oh if only I hadn't listened to him. Now in retrospect, Amos Slade's suggestion was actually pretty smart as watching the DVD before handing it into the Molinari's would give me a chance to make sure the DVD actually worked. I also must admit I was very curious to see this so called never before seen episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. As a child living in Greendale, I was practically raised on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and I think it's the best show ever made. If you disagree then write your favourite show down on a piece of paper, and then tie that piece of paper to an albatross. Then light the thing on fire because to be frank I don't care about what your favourite show is. We all have differing opinions after all.
Now back then I wasn't the smart bird that I am now so I agreed to watch the DVD with Amos. We took the DVD to Amos' farmhouse and he seemed to be rather out of character... to me at least. Amos seemed to be very happy as he allowed for me to enter his house without taking my shoes off. Yes we birds wear shoes too didn't ya know? Amos has a strict rule where people coming into his house have to take their shoes off. Upon entering the living room, I was nearly mauled to death by Amos' pet dog Copper. As soon as it saw me, Copper pulled an incredibly scary face and he tried his best to attack me. For the next two minutes, I ran around the living room getting chased by Copper. I have a serious phobia of dogs; a phobia I have had ever since I was two years old when my uncle Harry got eaten by a Doberman at his nest on top of Chichester Cathedral in Empire Bay. Copper eventually managed to tackle me onto the cold hard ground, but before he could eat my face off he was called off by Amos Slade who said, "get off of him Copper! He's good people I hope he stays around for awhile." That may not seem like much, but hearing Amos Slade say something really made my beak ache like a pasta bake. I nearly cried for it was a time for big emotions, but Amos was having none of that and busied himself by popping the disc into his newly bought DVD player. DVD players were incredibly cheap as of late due to a hole in the satellite picture. Wink.
I sat myself down on the sofa while Amos sat down on an old rocking chair and practiced his knitting skills. He crochets ya know? Amos warned me not to tell anyone about his love of crochet or else he'll send Copper after me. "Look Amos you've got my word." I said as Amos responded under his breath, "I'd better." The DVD started by showing some copyright warnings, and then the Disney Fast Play screen came up. "This DVD has been enhanced with Disney's Fast Play." The announcer guy could be explaining in the background. I didn't give a hoot about Fast Play, but the announcer guy didn't like that as he yelled, "CLICK THE FUCKING FAST PLAY BUTTON RIGHT NOW!!!!" I clicked that button faster than I ever could have done, and was then forced to sit through loads of really boring commercials including one commercial which featured three Chips Ahoy cookies getting melted in a microwave, and even after they were killed one of the cookies managed to say; "guess they want an encore." What the duck is wrong with you Chips Ahoy cookie? How could anyone be that stupid? It's simply just not done that way. In any case, after those commercials ended we found that there was no main menu for this DVD instead it cut straight into the main theme song.
Mickey Mouse walked up the path to greet the viewer as normal. "Well hey everybody it's me Mickey Mouse!" Mickey greeted as he then asked, "say you wanna come inside my clubhouse?" For a little bit, things seemed to be going back to normal as Mickey made the clubhouse appear by saying the magic words, and then the role call occurred. Everything seemed to be going on well until a fricking boat crashed into the side of it which caused Mickey to pull a horrified face. Also something I failed to pick up on until this moment was that all the characters looked completely normal with the exception of Mickey himself that is. He had a huge floppy nose which made him look an elephant, and his skin had wrinkles and looked like it was melting. He also looked really sad for some reason. Anyways, Mickey struggled to make his way into the clubhouse due to the boat being in the way, but he eventually managed to get inside and flicked the switch as the title of the episode appeared on screen and it read, "The Ballad Of Boo Boo Chicken." For those of you not in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse fandom, Boo Boo Chicken is Donald Duck's pet chicken and for some unexplained reasons Donald seems to have a thing for the little chicken shall we say. Oh Donald you cheeky little motherclucker!
The episode then began with Donald waiting in line at an EB Games until he was eventually called up to the front desk. The front desk manager looked terrifying. He had a neck like a giraffe and he also looked like he was going to break down and cry at any moment. The front desk manager also looked as though he wanted Donald because he kept checking out Donald's beak. "Whoa hey guy welcome to EB Games!" The front desk manager greeted happily. I got sick. Really sick as Donald then asked if there were any PS5's in stock. "You're just in luck." The front desk manager said as he then proceeded to explain that as part of a deal EB Games made with Sony, the company has managed to get their hands on about 500,000 PlayStation 5's. Of course, EB Games really wanted to make said deal with Microsoft, but Microsoft was a very short sighted company as they preferred more powerful recognisable companies like CEX and GameStop to make the brand deal with. The front desk manager pulled a PS5 out from his ear as he said, "that'll be $200,000." "What!?" Donald cried in despair. He only had 450 bucks on him, and that price was way beyond of what he had in stock. Not having nearly enough money, Donald elected himself to the fact he may never be able to afford a PS5 as every other store he checked after leaving EB Games were all sold out of PlayStation 5's.
Depressed, Donald headed on back to his crib which had up to this point never been shown on the show before as he decided to get his minds off things by taking his beloved pet Boo Boo Chicken out for a walk to the clubhouse in order to inform Mickey of the bad news. Heading towards the house, Donald was spotted carrying Boo Boo Chicken on a lead by none other than Richard Fatchurd and his PA Fritz. Upon eyeing Boo Boo Chicken, Fatchurd proceeded to lick his lips for a good 10 minutes which made me feel extremely uncomfortable as Fatchurd decided he needed that chicken and he needed it fast. Now at first, Fatchurd planned on stealing Boo Boo Chicken right from under Donald's beak, but Fritz had other ideas as he simply suggested that instead of robbing Boo Boo Chicken they simply buy the poor thing from Donald. "An excellent idea!" Fatchurd proclaimed happily as he and Fritz only just managed to catch up with Donald just before he reached the clubhouse. Fritz grabbed Donald by the shoulder as he asked, "I say old boy what are you doing carrying that chicken on a lead?" Richard Fatchurd then appeared from behind Donald as he said, "I could buy that chicken from you my pork!" "No way!" Donald responded, but that didn't last for long as Fatchurd reached inside his tie pocket and pulled out a large steel briefcase. Fatchurd opened the briefcase up revealing it to be filled with $200,000. Donald's pupils turned into dollar signs and his mouth began to drool. Without any further hesitation, Donald threw Boo Boo Chicken at Richard Fatchurd who held the dear sweet chicken tightly in his arms. Meanwhile, Donald picked up the steel briefcase in a mad rush, and made his way back to EB Games.
Returning to EB Games, Donald bought the PS5, and took it back to his house only to then be horrified to learn that the console came with no pack in games. Donald sighed heavily as he got ready to return to the store again in order to pick up some games for the system only to then come to the realisation that he sold his beloved pet chicken to Richard Fatchurd. In truth, the sight of Fatchurd's money had caused Donald to lose all care and control which of course resulted in him easily giving Boo Boo Chicken away with no questions asked. Donald realised that he wanted to get his precious Boo Boo Chicken back and made his way over to the front door. He opened it only to be greeted by Mickey and Goofy. "Well gee what's the matter Donald?" Goofy asked who looked bloody nasty. He looked like he was on crack as Goofy was addicted to the stuff after all ever since 2005 to be exact when he got caught by the LOL's dealing to Gus Griswald. Well at least someone who looked exactly like Gus for they had an onion head and incredibly sharp teeth sharper than any knife that had come before it. Donald then explained to the pair about he had sold Boo Boo Chicken to Richard Fatchurd which caused Mickey to say, "gosh you're just an idiot Donald. I mean seriously what do you think that fat fuck Fatchurd is going to do with Boo Boo Chicken anyhow?" "Send him to a free range farm perhaps." Donald suggested rather sheepishly which caused Mickey to slap him across the beak as he yelled, "NO! Fatchurd's gonna eat Boo Boo Chicken for his dinner right Goof?" Goofy didn't respond to Mickey's question instead his left arm fell off and onto the floor.
Donald, Mickey, and Goofy then decided that they were going to get Boo Boo Chicken back from Richard Fatchurd even if it was the last thing they ever did. They headed to Fatchurd Manor, and peered in through the kitchen window. Fritz was shown setting the table for tea time, and was then shown holding an incredibly larger rusty meatcleaver. Fritz left the kitchen for a couple of minutes, and then returned holding Boo Boo Chicken in his hands. He placed Boo Boo Chicken onto the table, and readied the meatcleaver to cut the poor thing's head off. Before Fritz could finish the job however he heard the doorbell ring. "Well now who do you suppose?" Fritz asked himself as he made his way over to the front door only to get pushed down onto the ground as the door got kicked in by Goofy who was holding a canister of tear gas. Goofy threw the canister onto the ground which caused the entire house to become engulffed in a mess of tear gas. Meanwhile, Mickey and Donald made their way into the kitchen and retrieved Boo Boo Chicken from the table, Donald gave Boo Boo Chicken a massive hug as he proclaimed, "oh Boo Boo Chicken!" Mickey looked very disgusted as he asked Donald, "uh do you two need a room or something?"
The pair's celebration was cut short however as Donald and Mickey could hear the kitchen door slamming shut tight behind them. The pair turned around to see that Richard Fatchurd was now in the room with them carrying a massive double barrel shotgun which was larger than the Empire State Building I'm telling ya! "Somebody is going to die tonight." Fatchurd said ominously as he made his way into the kitchen by thankfully Donald was able to avoid his and Mickey's death by throwing some carrot sticks which were on the kitchen side into Fatchurd's mouth. "Carrot sticks? Oh no!" Fatchurd cried as his face turned green like Shrek, and he fell to the floor in pain and he began rolling around at the speed of sound. With Fatchurd incapacitated, the trio made their way out of Fatchurd Manor and onto the busy streets. Meanwhile, Fritz came into the kitchen dressed up as a green pepper. He was dressed this way due to his mother's friend making him dress up a green pepper when he was a baby in order to entertain her daughters who were most likely getting their kickbacks from the Men of the Cloth. Believe me reader these so called Men of the Cloth are as strange to me as they are to you. Charge them the bill for your coat not me OKAY? Fritz looked at Fatchurd who was shaking and crying on the floor as he asked. "I say Sir what is the matter, and where oh where is the groom?" An incredibly loud trumpet noise could be heard playing in the background after Fritz asked that question. Despite being in constant pain as a result of the carrot stick he had unwittingly taken into his body, Richard Fatchurd ended up getting the last laugh as Boo Boo Chicken ended up swooped out of Donald's grasp by an incredibly sinister vulture named Multure.
Multure was... or well is an incredibly sinister vulture who is actually very nice once you get to know him that is. He served as the adoptive father of the PG Tips Monkey, but that still didn't change the fact that he was an incredibly sinister looking bastard. In a similar vain to what he did with the PG Tips Monkey, Multure wanted to raise Boo Boo Chicken as his own son which is why he was shown carrying Boo Boo Chicken off to his nest located in the Bongo Hills. The nest was located on the very top of the highest hill in all of Bongo Hills which caused Donald to ask, "how on Earth are we going to get up there?" Mickey stroked his smelly chin knowingly as he said, "I think I have an idea. Let's head on back to the clubhouse." It's worth noting that Multure was eyeing the trio as they made their way back to the clubhouse. Arriving at the clubhouse, Mickey was delighted to see that Professor Von Drake was in the kitchen area of the clubhouse performing a really bizarre improve style cooking show. Von Drake made a gingerbread cookie appear magically as he then proceeded to shove the thing into his mouth. Von Drake was a real evil duck as he loved to eat gingerbread men for every lunch and dinner, and his love of eating gingerbread men came from the fact his high school sweetheart ran off with a gingerbread instead of attending the prom with Von Drake. And as a result of getting ditched at the prom, Von Drake has held a contempt for all gingerbread men ever since. Not all gingerbread men okay Von Drake? You bigoted asswipe!
Mickey and the others borrowed some climbing gear from Professor Von Drake who then proceeded to flee the scene in Rocket from Little Einsteins. So that's where Rocket went off to after Little Einsteins got cancelled. Von Drake had fled the scene in order to escape his overbearing mother who couldn't stand Von Drake eating the gingerbread men as she would have preferred for him to have been protestant. Not really sure how that ties in with Von Drake eating gingerbread but in any case, using the climbing gear, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy were able to climb up the hill and reached Multure's nest. They were delighted to learn from a local drug dealer that Multure wasn't in and was attending a seminar up in Winchester. Against Mickey's orders, Donald made his way inside of the nest and retrieved Boo Boo Chicken who seemed to be rather impassive about the whole entire thing. He was far too busy playing Shrek 2 on Xbox to even bother acknowledging Donald's presence. Good to know that Boo Boo Chicken's got an excellent taste in video games isn't it reader? "Oh Boo Boo Chicken I thought we'd never see you again I thought.... oh buggerton buggerton." Donald muttered as Multure made his way inside of the nest. "Give me back my son!" Multure demanded to which Donald responded by grabbing a large plank of wood and holding it high up into the early evening sky. "I'll never give in ya bastard vulture!" Donald yelled angrily as he got ready to clobber Multure's brains out when Boo Boo Chicken being a very stupid little shithead decided that it would be a good idea to leap out of the nest. "I got him! I got him!" Goofy cried, but he didn't have it Remy he never did. Boo Boo Chicken fell towards the cold hard ground below the nest. "Oh no!" Donald and Multure cried at the very top of their lungs as they saw Boo Boo Chicken continue his decent towards the floor. If you get caught between the moon and Multure's nest the best that you can do is fall in love.
According to IMDB, Multure was intended to play a much larger role in the remainder of the episode by acting as Mickey's ambassador with the Corleone charities, but he left the episode early as a result of a pay dispute with Disney Jr. What a turd! With Multure departing the episode, the trio of Mickey, Donald, and Goofy used the climbing gear to climb down the hill and were at first overjoyed to learn that Boo Boo Chicken had managed to survive the fall, but were annoyed when they saw Boo Boo getting driven off in a hearse towards the local church. Donald sank to his knees as Mickey gave in full vent to his anger. "If you hadn't gone straight into the nest like a fricking Mole Ron then none of this would have happened!" Mickey yelled but Donald didn't seem to be that fazed by Mickey's rant, as he was more perplexed by Mickey calling him a Mole Ron. A Mole Ron was that like a moleeeeeeeeeee? "Now just calm down both of you!" Goofy demanded as Mickey and Donald both stopped their little squabble in order to listen to what Goofy had to say. I guess that Disney Jr was getting really cheap as of late as for the remainder of the episode Goofy was no longer played by his regular voice actor; Bill Farmer and instead he was now played by Avery Carrington. "Why would Carrington be playing Goofy?" I asked Amos who responded with, "this used to be my office." "What?" I asked as Amos this time actually answered the question by saying, "well ain't it obvious son? Carrington's construction company helped fund Disney Jr's headquarters in London and in Oakton City which is why the company felt the need to give him a role in this episode due to Bill Farmer being real busy. Really busy like seriously you cannot grasp the extent of how busy he is." I lit myself a cigarette as the episode then transitioned to show Mickey, Donald, and Goofy waiting outside of an old abandoned terrace house in order to confront Boo Boo Chicken's kidnappers.
Kicking the door down, the trio made their way inside of the house only to learn that this was some kind of a cult which had been organised by Mickey's local bishop who goes by the name of Brenton. "Ah Mr Mouse so glad you could join us!" Brenton greeted happily as he began lighting some candles. it's worth noting that while lighting said candles, Brenton was pulling an incredibly smug face which made my feathers itch like a stich. "What is this place and who are you people?" Donald asked to which Brenton responded by sitting down on a large can of pineapples as he said, "it's a long story son, but the long and short of it is that we are a cult known as the Chicken Lovers. Our job is to sacrifice chickens to our lord and saviour Chicken Man." According to Brenton, Chicken Man was a human chicken hybrid who always wore a three piece suit. One day in the Summer or perhaps the fall of 2010, Chicken Man got stung on the beak three times by a bee, wasp, and an ant with tuberculous. Chicken Man fell sick with TB for a good seven months until he received a visit from his local preacher Gabriel who convinced Chicken Man to found his own cult dedicated to sacrificing chickens. As a result of his TB, Chicken Man did not have the sense to realise that Gabriel was using him. Chicken Man eventually passed away in January 2011 after getting ran over by a bus. He had just been cured of his TB after stuffing some herbs up his beak, and ran out of the house in order to tell everyone all about which resulted in him running across the street without looking both ways and well...the rest is history. Gabriel meanwhile never showed his face at the Cult's meetings due to him being rather infamous on Reddit after he made a post about wanting to save chickens in Turkey. Chickens in Turkey? Hmm what a bobby jaguar!
After learning the story of how the Chicken Lovers came to be, Donald asked if he could have Boo Boo Chicken to which Brenton laughed at hysterically before saying, "ha ha no!" The trio were then forcibly evicted off from the premised by Brenton's hired guns or hired priests shall we say as Donald and Mickey began contemplating on how to get inside the Cult, and save Boo Boo Chicken before he is sacrificed to Chicken Man. "Hey guys come check this out." Goofy said who was busy hanging around the dumpster outside the McDonalds across the street from the church. Reaching inside said dumpster, Goofy revealed three conveniently placed chicken costumes. Having no other options to speak of, Mickey and Donald both decided to go along with Goofy's plan and got into their chicken costumes. "Let's go get these cluckers!" Mickey proclaimed happily as he and the others made their way back inside of the church where a very pleased and possibly aroused Brenton was waiting to greet them. Brenton seemed to have fallen for the trio's disguises as he said, "the big boss will want to meet you." I must admit I was rather confused by what Brenton had said, as I assumed that he was the boss but I guess not. Mickey, Donald, and Goofy were then brought into the backroom of the church where they were introduced to the head of the Chicken Lovers. The leader was an incredibly sinister looking eggplant named Landon Eggplant no relation to incredibly rude news reporter Gareth Eggplant I assure you.
In a similar fashion to Brenton, Landon Eggplant accepted the trio with open arms, but then he told the trio that if they were going to continue working for him they needed to pass the ultimate test. "Okay and what is that?" Mickey asked as Landon began singing a little song; "the bunny the bunny oh I love the bunny." For the next two minutes, Landon sang a song all about how he's addicted to chocolate bunnies and that his love for the bunnies has caused him to forget about all the important things in life like friends and family. "I won't go to church! I won't go to school!" Landon proclaimed which caused Mickey, Donald, and Goofy to all pull incredibly shocked faces. After finishing his little song with the help of his backup singers the Celery Mafia, Landon asked what the trio thought and Donald responded with, "it was great now about Boo Boo Chicken." "Oh don't you worry about him my little chicken sandwich." Landon said as he began licking his lips. He then went on to explain that the ultimate test was to enjoy his little song and not criticise it in anyway. If they dared to criticise the song, Landon would respond by having Brenton throw the trio into the furnace. Landon was truly an evil bastard even before developing his addiction to chocolate bunnies as he used to be a member of Luca Brasi's gang. He wasn't much of a member, and more like a glorified errand boy or errand eggplant I should say! Now that they were officially part of the Chicken Lovers, the trio's first job was to deal some chicken nuggets with a chef named Leo Teal over on an alleyway in Sand Island. "Sounds a little too simple." Mickey remarked. "Don't worry about it Quinton. Now get going!" Landon commanded as the trio left the cathedral in order to complete their assignment.
Arriving in Sand Island, the trio were forced to deal with the zany antics of the local performer who essentially threatened Donald with his guitar to give him bags upon bags of sand as he thought that Sand Island was the ideal place to get sand, but boy was he wrong or was he wrong? After handling that business with the performer, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy reached the aforementioned alleyway where they ran into Leo Teal who was sitting outside an old rusty cutting lodge smoking a cigarette, and watching Among Us videos. Mickey went up to the chef and said, "I'm guessing you're Leo Teal." Donald said as Leo Teal responded with, "that's right you got my merchandise?" "Present and accounted for. Mick show him the stuff." Donald said to Mickey who responded by pulling out a fricking AK47. He then proceeded to blast Leo's brains out. "MICKEY!?" Donald cried at the very top of his lungs as he then continued with, "what the fuck are you trying to do get us killed!? Landon Eggplant is going to kill us now because of you!" "I didn't trust that guy Donald. Did you see the way he looked at my shorts. That piece of crap was properly gonna rub us out anyhow. I'm telling ya Eggplant is onto us." Mickey explained. At the top of the alleyway, three more chefs appeared holding butcher knives in an attempt to avenge Teal's death. Thankfully, the trio managed to escape getting killed by the chefs, and during the ride back to Chichester Cathedral Mickey kept going on and on about how Eggplant hired Teal and his chef army to take them down. Take them down to Chinatown! "It's time to save Boo Boo Chicken!" Mickey proclaimed happily as the trio made their way towards Chichester Cathedral.
Using their car, Mickey smashed the door of the cathedral down as Donald and Goofy started fighting off against the Chicken Lovers. Brenton had not come prepared for this sudden gunfight so he ended up fleeing the scene and ran down the streets crying like a little bitch. Not so tough now ay Brenton? The shootout was long and boring until the trio finally confronted Landon Eggplant in his office. Landon remained seated at his desk as he said, "I trusted you boys. I'd of had you Made..." Goofy tried to charge at Landon, but he ended up tripping on a conveniently placed banana peel resulting in him falling into the nearby furnace. Yes, Landon kept a furnace right to his desk because well why wouldn't he? "Oh Goofy!" Donald cried as he began humping the floorboards. Meanwhile, Landon attempted to make a break for it only to get grabbed by Mickey and Donald. The pair held Eggplant high up into the air as they then proceeded to chuck him into the furnace. Ladies and gentlemen; Landon Eggplant is toast! "I guess you could say that's one toasty eggplant" Donald remarked as he dawned a pair of sunglasses. "Right; now let's go find Boo Boo Chicken! He's got to be around here somewhere." Mickey said as he and Donald began searching around Landon's office. "Wait a minute what's that sound?" Mickey asked as he and Donald could see strange noises coming from the greenhouse located outside the church.
Mickey and Donald made their way towards the aforementioned greenhouse, and were horrified to see that the greenhouse was actually a mini slaughterhouse and that Boo Boo Chicken was placed on a conveyer belt by two zealots. Upon catching sight of Donald, the two zealots started to lick their lips very amoursly as they decided to ditch Boo Boo Chicken in favour of sacrificing Donald Duck. Donald killed the two zealots by tying them up with logical mathematic equations. Donald knew some really complex mathematical equations which one may expect from someone who spent a weekend in Mathemagic Land. MATHEMAGIC LAND!? That's the dumbest fucking name for a place I ever did hear in all my days! Good look trying to sell that one on TripAdvisor! Donald practically threw himself onto the conveyer belt, and managed to throw Boo Boo Chicken off the conveyer belt where he was caught by Mickey. Sadly, Donald had no time to get off the conveyer belt for himself. Actually tell a lie; Donald had like two hours to get off the conveyer belt, but he just sat there bored as he fell into a pot of boiling hot lava and was boiled to death. Heartbroken over the deaths of Donald and Goofy, Mickey's first course of action was to kill Boo Boo Chicken for all the trouble he got him and his friends into. Mickey grabbed Boo Boo Chicken by the neck, and got ready to drop the little annoying fecker into the pot of boiling until; "STOP!" Cried Brenton who had heard the news of Eggplant's death from a local shoe shiner. Brenton pointed an accusing finger at Mickey as he yelled, "look what you've done to my church!" "Your church?" Mickey asked rhetorically as he placed Boo Boo Chicken down onto the ground.
Brenton then suggested that instead of killing Boo Boo Chicken, Mickey take care of the chicken and raise him as how just like Donald would have wanted him to. "You know something Brenton? That's not such a bad idea." Mickey said as he gave Boo Boo Chicken a hug all the while pulling an incredibly sinister face. The sinister face had made Brenton feel just a tad bit uneasy, but he neglected to comment on it. Though in retrospect, maybe he should have done. Mickey as it turns out was not a very good parent as he pretty much exploited Boo Boo Chicken for his own gain. Throughout the course of the 2020's, Mickey made about 50 films dedicated to Boo Boo Chicken and when Boo Boo Chicken became too tired to work any further, Mickey forced the chicken under threat of death to start taking heroine. Boo Boo Chicken became one of Disney's biggest stars, and even got his own star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Meanwhile, Mickey became incredibly powerful and the success of the Boo Boo Chicken movies his company kept putting out; he was able to acquire DC Comics and DreamWorks. Heck, Mickey was even able to take control of Blue Sky and turned it into Mouse Sky. So in the end, Boo Boo Chicken managed to survive, but what exactly did that achieve him in the long run? In reality, Boo Boo Chicken was properly better off being dead and eaten than being alive and in constant pain. Meanwhile, Brenton did nothing to stop Boo Boo Chicken's torture as he had gone on tour with his fellow bishops in a road show he likes to call; "Bishops On The Road." Must of taken you a really long time to come with that one ay Brenton ya big mouthed prick! The episode then ended with the normal credits, but only Brenton was shown dancing during them. Fucking Brenton!
After the episode ended, a post credit scene played which showcased a blob of creme named Joey Creme who was on a 15 hour long bus journey to Santa Monica when two chocolate Chips Ahoy cookies made their way onto the coach. Now, the coach wasn't that full and there were plenty of empty seats for the two bastard cookies to sit on, but they didn't seem to be interested in any of them. No instead, those two bastard cookies decided to squeeze right up next to Joey Creme who appeared be in a great deal of discomfort. "Squeezed in a middle!" Joey Creme sang at the very top of his lungs and the two Chips Ahoy cookies joined in with his singing. Those bastard cookies! First Jerry Beal and now Joey Creme whose next Chips Ahoy? Huh? Whose next!? After the clip ended, Mickey's face came on screen as he said, "I once punched a cow." The DVD player then proceeded to shut itself off, and then the bloody system blew up. This was because Amos Slade kept his mug of coffee on top of the DVD player which caused it to overheat badly.
Now, I have to say I really enjoyed that episode. I mean it was kind of depressing to see how Boo Boo Chicken was so badly mistreated by Mickey Mouse and Disney as a whole, but whatever that stupid little turd should of known better than to cheat a friend as his guilty talons have got rhythm. I know he's not a fool so he should have been better! I turned around to face Amos Slade who was still sitting in his rocking chair crocheting all the while pulling an incredibly smug face. "What are you smirking about Slade?" I inquired as I began dusting myself off. Slade began laughing hysterically as he said, "you really are dumb kid ya know that?" "What are you talking about talk out loud!" I yelled angrily as I grabbed Slade by the collar and lifted him high up into the air. Slade was laughing so hard that he was honestly struggling to get his words out as he said, "your Biker friends are Downtown fighting against the Molinari Family." "Why?" I asked to which Slade responded with, "oh my goodness Ernest how stupid are you?" He then continued with, "the Molinari Family never got their Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVD so Don Molinari thinks that the Bikers are trying to screw with him. He's sent up his crew to eliminate the Bikers. Its' over and what makes it all better is that the Bikers are totally gonna blame you for their little misfortune. So tell me Ernest what will you do now?" "This!" I bellowed as I threw Slade out the living room window, and grabbed Copper by the collar and threw him out of the window as well. Don't you worry Mitch I'm coming to save you! Oh! That Amos Slade is cunning I tell you what! I should have known that he was setting me up I mean how could I ever have been so stupid?
I made my way on over to Downtown, Oakton City and sure enough the Bikers and the Molinari Family were involved in a violent shootout, The Bikers were an incredibly powerful gang with strong enforcers, but the Molinari Family had much larger numbers and they practically controlled Oakton City's criminal underworld. The Bikers were on the cusp of losing, and Mitch was trying his best and struggling to keep the Molinari's at bay. In order to earn my crust and to say sorry to Mitch, I decided to start singing Forget You by my idol Cee Lo Green. Oh Cee Lo marry me I love you! Ahem! Sorry about that, anyways, I started singing with, "I see you driving around town with the girl I love and I'm like forget you ooh ooh!" "I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough I'm like forget you." Mitch sang and after two minutes the entire Downtown area of Oakton City was electric. The Bikers and the Molinari's were singing their hearts out. Heck, even some a SWAT team provided by the Oakton City Police Department (OCPD), were joining in on the singing. Even Amos Slade and Farmer Francis came by to join in on the singing. As nice it was, to be honest it was a rather cringy display and I honestly had to fight myself to avoid the urge of vomiting out my little birdy intestines. While the improv musical number was very cringy in the end it had been worth it, as the Molinari's and the Bikers ended up making peace with one another. The world was as it should be, and Mitch offered to recruit me back into his gang. "Thanks but no thanks Mitch. I realise now that being a farmer is what I was born to do and what I was meant for." I said to which Mitch responded with, "well that's certainly a very beautiful way of thinking Ernest. Do tell me what made you come to that realisation?" "I don't fucking know." I said rather nonchalantly.
Now that's not to say I stopped hanging out with the Bikers all together following this little exchange. Far from in fact, as I finally managed to get some sweet revenge on those two pricks Amos Slade and Farmer Francis. Mitch and I began speeding around Amos' farmhouse and threw really disgusting smelling chocolate all over it, and then we proceeded to release Amos' pet chickens and they all got eaten by a fox. Copper didn't nothing to help his master out as he was very tired and was sleeping inside of an old barrel which used to store shoes in the 1960's, My shoes! Slade gave chase to us on his tractor, but he ended up crashing into an old oak tree. We then got Amos further pissed off by throwing a cherry pie at his face. After giving Amos Slade his just deserts, Mitch and I got our own back on Farmer Francis by paying Terrence a small loan of a million dollars to wreck havoc upon Francis' land. Farmer Francis tried his darndest to call Terrence off, but he was far too late as the little tractor ended up destroying all of Francis' hard earned vegetables. Farmer Francis then sank to his knees as he cried, "oh I should have gone to Vice City!" He then let out a series of really loud and obnoxious farts while Mitch and I exchanged a friendly hug as we finally departed from each other's side on friendly terms. I still tweet at Mitch and his boys from time to time.
Not wanting to face any further wrath from my awesome biker friends, Amos Slade and Farmer Francis both agreed to stop bullying me and they ended up moving far away from Oakton City for good. Amos packed up his bags and bought a new farm over in London while Farmer Francis moved to Walnut Pass to try and get into the local theatre where the actors laugh at people who cover their ears. They may think its funny, but the people are actually covering their ears in order to try and drown out the actors and their horrible performance which somehow manages to get 5 stars in the Walnut Pass Inquirer. How the fuck does that even work? I guess its true what they say; society is to blame. Cue the saucy music. With Amos and Francis gone, I managed to establish myself as a career farmer and I became the most rich and successful farmer in all of Oakton City. Well there was no more competition in the area so of course I was going to be the most popular farm now. DUH! In any case, I'm getting pretty tired and I need to go and dip my beak into some Al Pacino flavoured tacos so we'll end it here. Oh actually one more thing before we conclude, I've recently become something of a divot Catholic, and every Sunday I go to church and light a candle with an incredibly scary old Italian lady who doesn't want me eating anything before service. What do I light a candle for I hear you not asking! Well simple; I light a candle for the souls of Donald Duck and Goofy.
Credited to Bruno Tattagllia
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