The Bikini Bottom Massacre Incident: Lost Spongebob Script Acts I-III
Act I
Patrick Star: *thinking to himself* Look at all those fools...they really are all gullible enough to fall for my act.
Spongebob: *knocks on Patrick's rock* Patrick! Wanna go jellyfishing?
Patrick Star: *time slows down* *continues thinking* At first, I liked the little square man, but he became increasingly annoying and baby-like as the years pressed on. *holds up Spongebob's Christmas party photo* I can never forgive him for what he tried to peak his nose into. Nothing like this should ever slip by again.
Spongebob: Patrick!
Patrick Star: *continues thinking* There is only one option available that can completely rid of his behavior. *Pulls out a second secret box* I was lucky that he never found the second secret box. *Pulls out a silencer pistol* *laughs menacingly*
Spongebob: Patrick!
Patrick Star: *hides weapon in his shorts* Cumming! *rock flips open*
Spongebob: Ready to go jellyfishing?
Patrick Star: *in a happy and seemingly dim-witted voice* Jellyfishing!!?? Sure!!!
*hops out of his rock with a smile*
*Pulls out a jellyfish net*
Spongebob: *happily* Let's go! *Starts walking*
Patrick Star: *follows Spongebob with a smirk of sweet victory*
End of Act I
Act II
(It's a quiet day at Jellyfish fields, with only the sounds of a few buzzing Jellyfish to fracture the silence)
Spongebob: Hmmm...there's not enough jellyfish around here. Let's move further away into the desolate wilderness.
Patrick Star: *smiles out of excitement that he gets to be further away form the nearby town*
Timecard: a few thousand steps later...
Spongebob: Oh darn! There's even less jellyfish over here! In fact, I don't even see one.
Patrick Star: *walks behind Spongebob* *pulls out a silencer pistol* *mafia music begins to play* *aims silencer pistol at the back of Spongebob's skull* I'm sorry, Spongebob...*smirks*
Spongebob: *eyes widen*
Patrick Star: *pulls trigger*
Spongebob: *jolts body* *freezes* *rolls eyes* *falls on the grass, leaving a growing pool of blood*
Patrick Star: Heh...heh-huh...*viciously smirks*
Spongebob: *squirms* *tries to stand up* *wound regenerates* *bullet slowly pushes out of skull*
Patrick Star: NO!!!!!!!!!! *pulls out jellyfish net* *begins to rapidly beat Spongebob to death*
Spongebob: *freezes* *continues to constantly bleed* *passes out*
Patrick Star: *pulls out jellyfish whistle* *blows on it*
*a horde of jellyfish appear*
*Patrick Star begins to run back to Bikini Bottom*
*The jellyfish smell the warm blood of Spongebob and flee towards the bludgeoned Sponge*
End of Act II
Act III
(The post-season 3 Spongebob writers are discussing the script's development so far)
Writer 1: *happily* A-a-a-a-and then we have a Squidward torture porn scene!
Writer 2: Oh my god, that's genius! Great for the kids!
George Lucas: Yeah! And then we have Jar-Jar appear out of nowhere and do a hilarious-
*a nearby door bursts open with a flash of light*
George Lucas: *hisses* MY EYES!!!!! *shields himself with a box set of the Star Wars Prequel trilogy* *melts into liquid shit anyways, because he's the shithead that had full control of the Prequel trilogy and the re-releases of the original trilogy with CGI added in*
Writer 1: Who is this glorious god?
*a figure begins to walk out of the light*
Being: Give me back my show!
Writer 3: Says who?
Being: Says your god!
*The being walks further out of the light*
Writer 3: *gasps* It can't be!
*The being's form is revealed*
Stephen Hillenburg: *smirks* Oh yes it can...
End of Act III
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