The Candy Game

there's a disturbing new game kids are playing called 'the candy game'. it's where you eat candy literally all night long on Halloween. literally though. if you stop eating candy for more than five minutes, you're disqualified. the results of this game go on your permanent record too, so they have lasting effects your sperm count (yup, even girls) and your credit score. the game is grueling. candy selection is critical. my five year old nephew said a kid from his school ate so many m&m's that he became an actual m&m and got lost under a teacher's desk at school. the silhouetted outline of the m&m was visible when they crouched right down to look under the desk but they couldn't get him out. the office called his parents to tell them the bad news but the connection wasn't good (public school) and they just heard that their son was the teacher's desk now, which they didn't question (public school). can you throw up? no. it's candy, it's physically impossible to throw it up, it's simply too yummy. for years scientists have tried to make a hazard symbol for non-throw-up-able substances but just showing a guy not throwing up is surprisingly meaningless as a safety label. can you shit it out? yes, it's your only hope. you really want to get that candy through your system as quickly as possible so chocolate laxatives are considered fair game. but you'll want to avoid opiates and barbituates because they're drugs and not candy. there isn't a prize for this game, you just get fat and full of chocolate and maybe a few demons sneak in there too or ghosts or leprechauns if you're Irish. Happy Halloween!

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Credited to fishnshrimps 

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