The Curse of the Peepee Laundry
One day, I awoke from a deep slumber. My undies were drenched with a strange alien liquid. It was yellow. Soon I realized I had just pissed myself in my sleep. I got up to remove my clothes in a sexy manner before I realized the puddle had spread into my clean laundry. I sighed and went to pick up the basket. It was about time I cleansed my clothes with some detergents anyway. I shoved the basket into the washing machine somehow and slammed the door with the force of 1000 hulks. I pressed some buttons on the machinery and up started the whoosh of the waters flowing in. The basket was torn to shreds within the washer and all that filled my ears was plastic clanking on metal. "Fuck, my ears." I stated, visibly distressed with my tiny feeble 14 year old boy hands cupped over my audio receptors. I thought I heard a muffled "Fuc you." through the clankage of the plastics and I got a chill up my boner. It was a chill unlike any other. I turned around to see a large man standing in a crouching pose on my ceiling. "Get down asshole." I screeched. "I don't enjoy your kind." Before I could grab my flyswatter, I woke up in a dark room with a bloody spoon in hand. I was on the floor, which was really uncomfortable. "I rate one star, whoever did this will get a brief taste of soup before their face is beat in with this spoon." I yelled, my voice cracking every other nanosecond. A big tall guy was in the doorway suddenly and he spoke to me in his fuckin stupid voice, "He he heh feck you. Stay here for rest of eternity you fuckin degenerate aubergine." He closed the door and locked it, but not before blowing a good night kiss to me. I pondered in the complete darkness, wat de fuck do I do now? Me trapped, me ill, me craving for pastas. "I could go for some carbonara right now." I muttered. I rubbed my juicy fingers along the pitch black walls of the room until I found a switch which transformed the room into a lighter version of itself, almost as if light was suddenly emanating from the ceiling. I flapped my lips whilst exhaling to form the word "majicke." The big tall dude opened the door with a scrunched face. "You ever heard of a lightbulb idiot?" He said out of his pursed, wrinkled lips. This was my chance. I accelerated my body toward the man as I channeled the spirit of a 69 year old hawk and latched onto him with my extremely bendable toes. It was all clear now that I saw his ugly ass wrinkled face: Dat dude was me daddio. "DADDIO, I thought you was possessed by the spirits of 1000 demons from hell!?" "No son, I was gone because I'm a horrible person who was divorced by your mum and tried to throw you into a river." The only thing I could respond with was "FECK YOO DADDIO, let's get some carbonaras, me hungee." and all was good again. Me and me daddio got some carbonaras and then got along forever until I threw my dad into the river for revenge, killing him by piercing his body on a sharp rock. THER EnDE
Written by Bolognaman
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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