The Day My Computer Was Filled With Gerbil Porn
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NSFW WARNING
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One day I was surfing the internet, as usual (fyuck you, don't judge me). Suddenly, I came upon a strange YouTube video link labeled "The Ballad of Richard Gere". Thinking this was fucking stupid, I clicked on it anyway, because I liek stoopid shit. It started buffering for an inordinate period of time, and I was like WTF!!! Then I realized the video was only 1 minute and 43 seconds long. Just as I was about to hit the " back" button on my browser, it finished loading. I could not fucking believe what I saw! The video faded in on Richard Gere standing against a Christmas themed background, wearing a Santa costume (this makes no sense, but FUCK LOGIC!). He mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't make out (giggity!), and walked off screen with a disgruntled expression on his face. After 10 seconds the song "Livin on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi faded in, but the lyrics were different:
He says, "We've gotta hold on to our buttocks
It doesn't make a difference if we spread them or not
We've got 5 gerbils inside and that's a lot.
For love we'll give it a shot."
[Chorus:]
Whoa, we're half way queer
Whoa, livin' like Richard Gere
Bite down on this rag - they're crawling deep in your rear
Whoa, another part goes here
Jimmy's got a firm grasp on his cock
Now he's holding in gerbils
He took from a purple tube sock
So deep, they're deep
The song faded out as Richard Gere walked back into view holding a spent paper towel roll and a hamster wheel covered in hyper realistic semen, while hyper realistic blood poured from his eyes, streaming down his face (again, this makes no sense, but fuck it, why not?). Then this picture flashed on the screen for a second of Richard in a black sweater, with red eyes holding a gerbil. I screamed and closed the browser window, only to be greeted by a new folder on my desktop simply named "jimmy". I stared at it for a minute before finally double-clicking it, afraid of what might be inside. My eyes grew wide when I saw what was there... The folder was filled with German gerbil porn!! MOTHER OF GOD!! After seeing this, my mind snapped and I went insane. The next day I moved to northern Idaho with Richard Gere's cousin, Jimmy (dun duh DUUUUHHH) where I live out my days as his sex slave on a gerbil farm.
The End
...and then a gerbil popped out
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