The Great Sea Beast of Murder
Salutations. My name is Spooneads. And I've had... an interesting day. And by interesting I mean SPOOKY SPOOKY!!! But before I tell you this, I should just warn you, this isn't like any other creepypasta, because this is 100% true story and actually happened. Don't believe me? I have proof. What is this proof? Well, I can prove it all in just 5 words.
IT WAS ALL SUPR HYPERREALISTIC!
So... now that I've proven that this actually happened, I should warn you... This story is cursed. If you read this story, then the Great Sea Beast of Murder will find you... and murder you. Why did I upload this if this is cursed? I guess I'm just a dick. Anyway, on to the goddamn motherfucking bitch-ass SPOOKY SPOOKY story!
I was walking down the street, when I noticed a garage sale to my right. I assumed it was just a glitch and walked on past it. I arrived at the store to buy some Hyperrealistic Cola. I was really looking forward to drinking some! It's my favorite drink you know, I love it more than I love h0m0seXual pr0nz! I went into the drink isle, eager to buy the drink,
when...
it happened...
THERE WAS NONE LEFT!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I ran over to the cashier and pulled out a bloody knife and shouted "BITCH, WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HYPERREALISTIC COLA?!?!?!" Then I realized that I was talking to a Self Service Checkout.
I stormed out, tears pouring out my eyes. I needed my Hyperrealistic cola! I loved that drink more than anything in the whole wide world, more than my family, more than all of my possessions combined times infinity, heck, even more than my secret stash of h0m0seXual pr0nz (and that's something I hold very dear to me!)
That's when I had a eureka moment! No ordinary eureka moment, but the greatest fucking eureka moment in the history of all things ever like seriously no joke you guys!
I can just use the time machine I have in my basement to go back in time to when there was Hyperrealistic cola in stock!
I ran the fuck home, faster than anyone has ever ran before, and ran the fuck into my basement!
My basement was the same as it has always been. Dark, messy but not disorganised, and people lying on the floor tied up crying. I walked past my toolbox, stepped over my shelves, and approached my time machine. It was a beautiful time machine, and it had quite a history! It was the same time machine Sir Mix-a-Lot used to go forward in time so he could rip off Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" 21 years before it was even made!
And I was about to use it for a much bigger, much more significant cause: To get some Hyperrealistic Cola!
I hopped in, ready to travel, but that's when I realized: I have no fucking idea how to use this damn thing!
I walked over to the control panel, confused, yet determined. I pressed a button which looked like a "Give me some fucking Hyperrealistc Cola you bitch" button, but it turns out it was a "Go back in time by 1 year" button! I had pressed it 666,666,666,666,666 times though, so I had to go back 666,666,666,666,666 years in time. I didn't want to go that far, Hyperrealistic Cola wasn't even invented then!
So then I traveled back in time, only to find a massive ocean!
"So... this is what the universe was like 666,666,666,666,666 years ago..." i said aloud.
But I looked over in another direction, and I saw... well...
It was a crowd! But it wasn't a crowd of people. It was a crowd of Big Relentless Bagels, Spooky Pumpkins with Chicken Legs, and Mecha Waffles of Doom! It was really scary! I then saw the ocean turn into an ocean of Hyperrealistic Blood and it was really scary, and then there was a rumbling.
Those Big Relentless Bagels, Spooky Pumpkins with Chicken Legs, and Mecha Waffles of Doom clearly had a common master. And it was appearing now!
A large figure started emerging out of the water... and... I was in awe with the ungodly beast that I saw! It had a stick figure like neck and arms, holding up a massive head! It's nose was huge and pointy, it's eyebrows were large too, and it's tongue flung out, as if the beast was some sort of snake!
It was the Great Sea Beast of Murder!
Then there was a roar! It didn't come from the beast, it came from behind me! The Big Relentless Bagels, The Spooky Pumpkins with Chicken Legs and the Mecha Waffles of Doom all fled! I turned to find a bunch of epic fuxxxing fighter planes flying towards the Great Sea Beast of Murder, shooting at it, bombing it! I also saw ships sailing the ocean of Hyperrealistic Blood attacking it! The Great Sea Beast of Murder smashed one of the planes in half by bashing it with it's huge tongue like it was nothing! The Great Sea Beast of Murder was unmatched.
Then a beam of light from the heavens shone on The Great Sea Beast of Murder! The beast screamed, releasing a roar that was so loud and Hyperrealistic that it made my ears bleed Hyperrealistic blood!
I looked up in amazement when I saw... the Gods! These weren't cosmic bearded old men like Gods you see in storybooks, these were beautiful... gracious... they were the Cheese Flavored Bunnies Riding Chocolate Unicycles, The 6 true Gods that each control a different part of existence, and all work in perfect harmony!
Then they got bored and left. Me telling you this was totally pointless!
I was really scared! I had no idea what to do! The beast was going to kill me! I was so scared that I vomited Hyperrealistic blood everywhere and the Earth exploded for no reason whatsoever apart from the fact that I've officially ran out of ideas.
Then I remembered that I could have just left in my time machine. FUCK!
Oh, and it's said that every 666,666,666,666,666 years, the Great Sea Beast rises from the ocean and kills everyone. DUN DUN DUN!!!!
THE END?!?!?!?!?!
"0/10 Needs more Spooky Skeletons" -IGN
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