The Great Virginity Heist
|
NSFW WARNING
This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations. |
Despite popular rumors, many people didn't lose their virginity through sex. Infact, in 2000, many lost their virginity through an infamous heist. This was known as the great virginity heist, at the Moron Bank. This is a tale of what happened.
It was a sunny day, when Jim Carrey burst through the front door on his legit MLG motorbike. Firing a sub machine gun at the counter, the manager choked on his dick that was shot off into his mouth and died. Unsheathing a knife, he cut the telephone line and wire to the alarm, then whistling for his crew to come in.
Bob Marley, Obama and Shrek then burst through the window. They all had jobs; Jim to crack the vault and get the virginity in bags, Obama to help carry the bags, Bob Marley to keep the crowd in control, and Shrek to hold off the cops with an M60 he bought from Walter White on Craigslist. It was all going smoothly and no one else was killed, the vault was drilled, and the bags were getting to the van. Then, the cops arrived.
It was a fierce fight, with Shrek losing a nipple and eventually tactical nukes arriving. Due to the chief SWAT guy being blind all hostages were killed so they were forced to leave under heavy fire from bazookas and bullets. They all got in, covering the van as it left.
The following morning, women as young as 3 seconds woke up pregnant, and men woke up with jizz everywhere, but no trace of a wet dream found in their minds. They roamed the land, desperate for sex, and the population of hookers tripled in the US alone. There was only one virgin left, and his name was:
Rick Perry.
OOOOH KILL 'EM
Written by Jerrika12
Content is available under CC BY-SA
| Comments • 0 |
Loading comments...
|
