The Holder of Badassitude
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house in you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit something which calls itself "The Holder of Badassitude". The moment you say that explosions will randomly occur and a slow-mo shootout will begin, you will be randomly handed a gun and you will start shooting. Your loved one will randomly appear and a stereotypical villain will abduct him/her, at this point you MUST perform a badass vault over the counter and chase him!
As soon as he enters through a door, you must break the door down in a badass fashion and go through a series of slow-mo gun fights, once you reached the stereotypical villain you must kill him with your shear badassitude! Failing in doing so will result you in spontaneously combusting while falling down in slow-mo and shooting random bad guys.
If you succeed in killing him with merely your badassitude, you have exactly 5 seconds to tell your loved one to get back to safety, at wich point he/she will randomly appear back to his/her home, and you must run in a badass fashion for the room will explode, locate the first window and jump through it like a badass.
You will now run down a series of crumbling stairs, as long as you run in a badass fashion you will not fall down in the pit of shaming void of non-badass.
Once you see the stairs end, jump in the most badass way possible, for the stairs themself will explode, due to killing the villain with your mere badassitude you will land on a platform leaving a badass crack on the floor.
Note: do NOT look at any explosions to maintain high level of badassitude!
Once on the platforn you will see the most badass door EVER! You must smash it open with your head in the most badass manner possible! At this point you will see The Holder of Badassitude that will offer you these tasks:
- Destroy the Destroyer of Worlds
- Strangle the Devil with your teeth
- Wrestle God for his respect
Do NOT accept these tasks, but instead say "I'll beat your bitch-ass in arm-wrestling any day!", at this point a badass table table will randomly appear in a badass fashion in the middle of the badass room with two badass chairs opposing each other at each ends of the badass table.
If you are not a true badass, and you will loose you will die the most badass death in all of history, and everybody on earth will know of your badass defeat.
If you are a true badass, and you beat him, after he kneels before you shed a single badass tear of victory, be careful tho, that tear will be so badass that if it hits one of the hot chicks that are grabbing your badass feat, they will instantly die of badassitude shock!.
After you shed your badass tear close your eyes, you will be transported through an explosion of tremendous badassitude outside of the mental institution, you will be given no item as nothing can make you any more badass!
Instead every being in all of creation will instantly know how badass you are!
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