The Legend of Finger Guy

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GO BACK NOW!!!!!! OR ELSE YOU'LL HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!1

I live in a small town in north west Montana. There's a frightening legend that circulates every summer. There are some old, dusty woods on the east edge of town. No one lives over there. No roads go through the woods, and it's known that even early settlers avoided the area. Even animals refuse to live there. During summer months, people warn their friends and family not to camp or traverse that area. Most refuse to say why. They're afraid to even speak the creature's name. Only on bright, sunny days when the people are safe in their homes will they speak of... Finger Guy.

Finger Guy lives deep in these woods and viciously attacks anyone who dares to enter them. Finger Guy is a tall, dirty looking humanoid, though few people believe that he's actually a human being. He's been seen by hundreds of people going back to when white people began migrating west into the territory. Before that, the indigenous people told legends of a tall, crazy man who lived in the woods.

Finger Guy doesn't just attack people either, he sexually assaults them in perverse ways. His favorite means of attack is slipping into their tent just before dawn, and inserting a long, dry finger into the camper's anus while holding them down. Most of the people who camped in that area over the last decade managed to survive. But one unlucky man was actually killed by Finger Guy. According to local papers, he went camping on a Friday and was supposed to return by Monday. When he hadn't returned by Wednesday, police began to search for area for him. After several days, they found his mutilated body deep in the woods. An autopsy revealed that the poor man had been fingered... to death!

Of course, the police knew that Finger Guy was to blame, but refused to look for him. None of them wanted to be assaulted and possibly killed by the monster. According to local legend, Finger Guy is impervious to bullets, fire and even holy water. No one knows where Finger Guy came from. Some say he escaped from a mental asylum in the early 1980s. Others say that he's a sasquatch with mange. Still others say that he's an alien, or an interdimensional being. All I know for certain is that if you're ever in north west Montana during the summer months, be wary of lingering in the woods at night. Finger Guy may be watching and waiting to finger again.



Originally posted on /x/


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