The Pizza Man
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6/14/01
I love pizza, It's my favorite food in the entire world. Better than cake, rainbows and ponies. But something happened to me a week ago that made me want to hate pizza forever. It made want too hate pizza for eternity!
This all started on a Friday, I was sitting on my ass, watching an episode of The Jersey Shore. When all of a sudden, my tummy was rumbling. I was hungry, I checked the time an it was 5:30 so I guess I could eat now. The only question I asked myself is, what the fuck am I gone a eat for dinner? I opened my fridge and too see what I had. Nothing in I really wanted to eat, but all of a sudden it hit me. I'm having pizza for dinner, It's been so long since I had pizza. (It's been a week)
So I picked up my phone and called Pizza Hut. They answered "Hello, you're calling Pizza Hut, can I take your order". "Ah yes, can I have 50 cheese and 100 peperoni." "Okay, will have that for you in no time sir." I can't wait until the pizza gets hear I'm so excited! While the pizza wasn't hear, I always chew on something and pretend it was pizza, I know it is a little fuckin stupid, but I'm hungry. After, a couple of minutes the pizza delivery guy was here.
He ranged the doorbell, I opened the door. The Pizza delivery guy looked very weird, his eyes were small, had a curled mustache, skin a little tan and wearing sunglasses, witch was weird because the clouds were blocking the sun.I just ignored it, I paid him 3,000 dollars and he left on his moped. I was so happy I set the pizza on the counter. Opened all the boxes and started gobbing down all the pizza one by one. NOM! NOM! NOM! I can taste the cheese! NOM! NOM! NOM! I can taste the peperoni! NOM! NOM! NOM! I can taste the sauce! NOM! NOM! NOM! I can taste the crust!
After, three of hours of eating all the pizza I became fat and tired. So I walked my fat ass up stairs to my bedroom. when I reached my bedroom I collapsed on the bed and dozed off. I had a crazy nightmare, it was very bright and everything was white. Far away, I saw saw something in the distance, the form of it was a human. I walked up too it an I can't believe what I saw, it was the pizza delivery guy. He was turned around with something he's holding in two hands. "Hello is there anything I can help you with" I said confused.
All of a sudden, the pizza delivery guy turned around. In his hands was a rocket launcher. This time the pizza delivery guy did not have his glasses and his eyes were peperoni. I was scared out of my mind, The pizza delivery guy was about to shoot me with the rocket launcher. He pulled the the trigger but instead off a rocket flying out, it was pizza. The pizza hit me sending me flying, I hit the ground and landed on my back. Then, it started to rain pizza. Next, the ground was shaking ferociously an what came out of the ground was my giant head. It opened it's mouth it started to squirt pizza sauce out of it's mouth. The pizza sauce went on me and I was so sticky, This was chaos.Then, I heard a large smashing sound, it woke me up.
I was sweating very bad, I was breathing very heavily. I looked around my room, I saw that my window was smashed and there was glass everywhere. But in the corner of my I saw a figure, It was the pizza delivery guy but instead of his pizza delivery attire on, he was naked and made out of pizza. He's not a pizza delivery man, he's a pizza man. The pizza man was stood up he had pizza in his hand and ready too shove it in my mouth. He lunged after me and I woke up again.
I was completely covered in sweat, this time My window wasn't smashed and the pizza man was no where in my room. I went down stairs too see if anything was okay, and it was. " what an awful nightmare" I said to myself . Now I decided from this day on forward, I am never having pizza again and I don't want too see pizza ever again. I know this might seem fake too some people but it's real, witch is the reason why I'm typing this. O by the way do you remember when I said everything was okay, well there is one thing. An hour later my doorbell ringed I opened it,an guess what I saw on my doorstep.
PIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
7/20/01
AHHHHAAAHHAAAH. Sorry, I was taking a shit. I need to do an update there has been some crazy stuff going on. After I saw that pizza at my doorstep, I ran to my bathroom and locked the door so I wound not die. I've been staying in this bathroom for months now. I did take my laptop with me and been doing research.
I found out that there has been numerous pizza murders. The suspects of the murders have vanished randomly. A guy that worked at Pizza Hut was a serial killer. He has been taking the victims and turned them into pizza. The cheese was their skin, the peperoni was their nipples and the sauce was there blood.
I will never eat pizza again.
9/16/01
Hey guys I'm back sorry for not updateing for awhile I have been busy with school and all that shit. The main thing I want o talk about is that the pizza murders keep on happening. I would also like to mention the update I did I said that the victims skin was cheese. Well, I lied it was cum ladies ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°). Anyway I want to say their are murders coming along. Today their was a african american man at a pizza place. (Not racist) Then the man whent missing they. Later police found the body of the man and the man appers to be Morgan Freemon!!
Written by Trev892
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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