The Potatoes

It was the fateful day. The day that I went to Walmart (too lazy to work) to feed my starving children vegetables. I was at the counter when suddenly I noticed... potatoes... at a marked down price. I rushed them back to the counter, and asked for the discount. "Nah, you can have them for free." muttered the bubble gum smacking clerk as she rolled her eyes. I skimmed back home with my groceries, and knew this was meant to be.

When I went to the kitchen, I stuffed the potatoes in the refrigerator. Seven minutes later, I was as hungry (fat and proud of it) as a horse. I opened the refrigerator. There were no potatoes. There were (spoiler alert!) mashed potatoes.

The next day, I went to the mall. More potatoes. More of them. I brought all of them home, this time I threw them in the cabinet. Seventeen minutes later, I opened it. No potato in sight. There was a potato salad in sight. Who would possibly do such a horrible thing?

The third day, this time I did not go to any store. Who would do this? A ghost? At night, while I was sleeping, I had a security camera. The next morning I looked at the footage. It was horrifying. The recording was replaced with "Shrek Is Love". That's it, I'm calling the cops. How dare they steal my precious potatoes. While I was turning around to grab the phone, I saw a Mr. Potato Head toy, covered in strawberry jelly.

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