The Rat Gets the Cheese (A Looney Tunes Story)

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I like to consider myself as a film historian, I’ve archived many movies and even own a set of 35-mile meter film reels, recently I acquired a set of them from an auction my town was having, I ended up with around 35 rolls of film and around 20 movie stills and autographs.

What I found was a film reel with Chuck jones signature present, I examined it and found out it was a Looney tunes cartoon, specifically ones that starred Wile E coyote and the roadrunner, at first, I thought it was one of the already existing cartoons, but when I put it into my projector I found out it wasn’t. The title card came up on a wooden sign, it read “the rat gets the cheese”, I knew that this wasn’t one of the already existing shorts, it seemed to have been one of the last Chuck had produced with the studio, it started with the roadrunner running across the desert road.

The one thing I found odd was that the Latin names that would appear in brackets underneath the characters didn’t show up, instead the roadrunner kept running, it cut to Wile E, he was standing on some rocks observing the bird with binoculars, he licked his lips as it showed a box of grenades.

Wile E grabbed one, and threw it at the roadrunner, except it didn’t explode, it broke, the thing was made of chocolate, the roadrunner began pecking up all the shards of broken chocolate as Wile E looked on in disappointment, eventually he tried one for himself and it exploded in his face, it cut away to a cave, Wile E walked inside.

Inside the cave were lab equipment and a chalkboard, Wile E devised a plan smirking as he did so. It cut back to the desert, Wile E was painting a tunnel onto the rock, except he painted on a female roadrunner onto the rock, he then littered the ground with glue, making a glue trap as the roadrunner sped towards the scene.

The birds face sunk as it realised, he was standing in glue, the bird delivered a panicked “MEEP MEEP” as he tried to break free, Wile E revealed himself, the bird desperately tried to break free when his head exploded, not with blood or brain-matter, but it just exploded, the grenade might’ve exploded inside the roadrunner I thought to myself as Wile E grabbed him. It cut back to his cave/lab as he bit into the bird's skull, a big goofy grin was spread across his face, after he was done, he sat back in his chair clearly content with his victory.

It cut to the next day, Wile E sat there, he looked like reality had finally hit him, he began to let out a sob. He cried for a few seconds as it cut away to the day after, Wile E was seen dragging his feet across the desert roads, obviously bored, the only thing he had was a tennis ball that he was throwing to the ground, he’d catch it obviously, but it was a loop that played for around two minutes.

It cut to the week after, Wile E’s cave was in disarray, most of his lab equipment was destroyed and he appeared a bit more fat than before, he sadly ate what appeared to be another animal, he held up a sign. “Never realised how much I’d miss him,” it read, he flipped it around once more “My whole life was dedicated to chasing him, all I do now is just catch my next meal, there’s no fun and no chase.” He silently sobbed while biting into his meal.

It then flicked through the next few months; Wile E sat there eating other animals while still sobbing, eventually it cut to a title card.

“One year later” it read, Wile E held a bottle of whiskey in his hands, he appeared to be chubby and had a visible double chin as he approached Yosemite Sam in a trench coat, Wile E pulled out cash as Sam handed him a bag of white powder. Wile E walked away, it did a flash forward to a few months later, most of Wile E’s lab equipment had been clearly sold off, most likely for more drugs, Wile E began to sob once more, however it very quickly changed into a laugh, then it changed to a cry and it repeated for a while until he injected a needle into his arm, Wile E’s face changed to one of peace, his eyes became dilated and bloodshot as he giggled.

It cut to another year later title card, Wile E’s cave was now a complete mess, his chair was ripped and torn in some areas while bottles of beer and used needles littered the floor, Wile E looked sad, his eyes were still bloodshot, he held up another sign that read “I can’t continue, the drugs only give me a temporary buzz but they don’t get rid of my problems” he looked down sad as he then opened his mouth.

“I can’t carry on like this, time to say goodbye.” He spoke, now Wile E never spoke, unless he was with bugs bunny, so this ending caught me completely off guard, Wile E injected more needles into his arm as he suffered a seizure/overdose, at that point I took the reel out of my projector and stomped it, and I don’t care if anyone gets pissed because I destroyed something rare, because I didn’t want anyone to see this, neither did I want a child to see this.

By the end of it I had burnt the film reel and was left shaken up by it, my sleep schedule was messed up for two months afterwards.

I know most people won’t believe this, but I at least wanted to put my story out there somehow.

This was my story.

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