The Room 2

Making a good movie can be difficult.

This is well known in the film industry, and it holds up. To make a good cinematic piece, one must attempt to create a moving story, while maintaining the ability to scare, entertain etc. And some people just aren't talented enough to make films, yet, these same people will still attempt to make movies. When these people try, you end up getting flops. Flops like The Room.

The Room is a 2003 romantic drama film directed, written and produced by a man by the name of Tommy Wiseau. The film is infamous for its poor quality, with an inconsistent plot, subplots being created and then forgotten seemingly on a whim, and cardboard and unbelievably bad acting. It's so terrible that it has developed its own "cult following", people who enjoy the movie because its of so poor quality (a "so bad its good" situation, if you will)

Wiseau himself is a mystery. He has released little information about his life before his career as an actor, once claiming he lived in France, then later claiming he grew up in New Orleans. He speaks with an odd, almost unidentifiable accent and doesn't seem to have much of a grasp on the English language other than the very basic.

The plot of The Room is that of a banker named Johnny (played by Wiseau), with his fiance Lisa and his best friend, Mark. While Lisa appears to harbor feelings for Johnny at the start of the film, it is revealed that this is a rouse, and she really harbors feelings for Johnny's best friend, Mark. Lisa then seduces Mark and they begin an affair behind Johnny's back. Several new characters are introduced, and the movie generally repeats itself until the climax, when Johnny finds out about the affair. Johnny angrily smashes and damages things in his house before finding a pistol and committing suicide. Lisa and Mark find Johnny's corpse, and mourn, and the movie ends.

Now, why am I telling you all this? Well. I helped work on this train-wreck of a film. I wish I was joking.

You see, I was a prop director. A creator of the mise en scène, if you will. I would make sure that everything was in its place, and that it fit in well. Not that it helped how shit the final product was, of course. My name is Finn McGuinness, and I'm telling you this for another reason as well. Wiseau thought it would be a good idea to create a sequel. I'm dead serious.

I can remember getting that email Wiseau sent me. It was in 2005, and I was answering some emails when I got another one. Slightly annoyed (as I was swamped at the time) I read it. It said:

"Oh hi, Mr. McGuiness. You were always my best freind, sirr. Wood you like to see and be at screening of Room 2? You were good help so I real do need you here, come watch my movie please thanks. Email me bakc if interested

Your best friend, Tommy."

I laughed when I read it. The Room 2? He had to be shitting me. But, I was actually curious. Maybe Tommy had improved his film making. Maybe he had fixed the mistakes of the first film. So, I shot him an email saying that I was interested, and he told me to go to a certain place (that I won't give out) in San Francisco the next day. So I did.

The next day, I drove to San Francisco (it was 2 miles away from where I lived) and eventually got to the place where it was being screened. I went inside and found Wiseau, Greg Sestero (the actor who played Mark) and Juliette Danielle (the actor who played Lisa) and various others who worked on the movie. Wiseau looked at me and said "Oh hi, Finn. Come sit. We are just about to play movie."

When he said that, he tapped on an empty chair. I sat down and as I did, Wiseau stood up and put a blank VHS tape into the VCR. I watched.

The film began with a black screen before the words "The Room" faded in followed by a white 2. It then cut to the last scene of the first film, with Lisa and Denny (another character in the film) crying over Johnny's corpse, while Mark says "As far as I'm concerned, you can drop off the Earth!" and leaves.

Suddenly, Johnny gets up. This shocked me. How could Johnny get up if he was dead? It doesn't make sense. However, I kept watching. Johnny laughed, still covered in blood, and said "I was only kidding. Wasn't actually dead. *laugh* but Lisa is still a bitch! And you all still betray me!" before he walked out. Lisa looked at Denny, and the two began to make out.

Meanwhile, Mark was up on the roof, looking down the balcony, almost as if he was suicidal. I panicked. I don't want Mark to die! He's my favorite character! It was okay though because Johnny came up. He said "Oh, hi Mark. You want to play football?" Mark turned around with a shocked expression and shouted "Johnny! You're alive!"

My heart was warmed at this scene. Johnny smiled at Mark, and said "That's right, Mark. And I'm so glad I have you as my best friend. Now lets go eat, huh?" Mark agreed, and they walked back downstairs.

I was crying at this scene. Suddenly, the screen went black and I saw Johnny's face jump at the camera. I nearly urinated myself at the sight. He screamed "HI BABE I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU!"

Then, it cut back to the movie. It was now in a Western town, complete with saloons, blacksmiths and the sheriffs office. It zoomed in on one particular person dressed as a cowboy. It was Tommy Wiseau! He began to laugh over and over again. And his head grew to an impossible size, before a massive atomic explosion clip played.

Then, a battle screen from... Undertale?!?! Yeah! I was battling against Tommy Wiseau! I attacked him but before I could, Mr. Wiseau said "You're a little crabby today, Finn!" and then killed me.

Then, the movie came back. I had pissed and shat myself at this point. Johnny was standing shirtless on a roof, with two M16A2s, firing at random civilians. He screamed "Yes, I am from America! Don't debate it, Mark!" Suddenly, he stopped. He saw a small pug dog walking on the ground. He jumped on the ground and said "Oh, hi doggy!" before shoving a live grenade up the dogs anal cavity. Johnny then put his ear to the grenade and it exploded.

Blood and guts went everywhere, leaving only Johnny's head on the ground. The camera zoomed in on it and Johnny said "Don't LOOK AT ME, MOTHAFACKER!" Then, THE END faded in along with a scream sound and a blood splatter. Then the tape came out.

I was terrified and had turned pale white. I looked around, and everyone was dead! Except Tommy Wiseau! I had no idea where he went! But, then he came in! Shirtless! With two M16A2s!

He laughed, before shooting me in the legs. I screamed and tried to escape. And I succeeded! I crawled away to my car and drove home. I froze myself in the freezer for 11 years, and I only came out 8 minutes ago. Now I'm writing this story, and I know that I am not safe. I know he is there. I hear several footsteps before I hear his cry.

"Oh hi, Finn."

Comments • 0

Loading comments...