The Scary Story

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

One night, I was browsing through files and files of murder cases. I had enough, so I decided to grab my coat and exit the building to my house. Upon arriving, I was feeling very hormonal and I felt aroused and headed to my bathroom. I sat down and started to look up some Disney porn and I started to masturbate peacefully. I forgot I left my window open and the inevitable happened: he entered my house.

Sweat was running down my head as my eyeballs were wide opened, staring at him, Jeff the Killer. Jeff said, "Go to sleep" and he slowly walked towards me and then he pulled out his knife and he started to invade my personal space. As he was close to me, my penis ejaculated and the cum shot right at his face and Jeff was temporarily immobilized. I got up and made a remark, "Sticky situation, eh?"

Jeff chased me all the way to my kitchen. I stopped at the wall as it was like a dead end and Jeff stared at me horrifically. "W-what do you want man?!?" As I spewed out spit uncontrollably, I noticed something to my left: a variety of weapons at my disposal on a table. On the right side, the table has a gun, a knife, and a bruised banana. I obviously chose the banana and I gave Jeff the Bitch a death stare.

I then put a football helmet on, a whistle was heard, and I yelled, "AAAAOOOHHHH!!" and dashed through Jeff tackling him in the process. "YOU COME WIDE AT ME AGAIN, BOY I'LL STICK THAT KNIFE RIGHT UP YOUR ASS!" I yelled out loud, but Jeff was nowhere to be seen. Jeff then climbed on top of me, and sat himself right on my stomach. He grinned and carved a smile with his knife from my right ear to my right (left) ear. I was in horror.

My phone went off, "Dootoodo, doo, Dootoodo" We both were confused. Then my wall suddenly collapsed, and a man came out and gave Jeff the Killer an attitude adjustment! It was John Cena! John quickly disappeared and I then got up and moved my head sideways in attempt to crack my neck. It went wrong. My head was stuck in one position to the right. "I can't fucking move! Shit!" I also fell down in pain and agony. "Help! I've fallen and I can't get back up!" Unfortunately, my life alert was stolen when I was mugged.

Jeff saw this as an opportunity to kill me and so he failed because I pulled out a golf club, and swiftly decapitated him via my superhuman strength. Jeff killed my great friend Roger Stalin; he slit his throat with his knife last night. We were at the Stalin's funeral and the parents were weeping for his death. I had a strong feeling Roger was faking the death though.

During the funeral, the pastor was giving a speech about Roger's death. After his speech finished, I opened his coffin and I quickly saw his corpse. I sat next to him and everyone was looking at me mysteriously. "Everyone! He's clearly faking his death! Just look!" I grabbed onto Roger's collar and shook it! "Wake up!" I yelled. No response. I got closer to his face and started to slap him as many times as I could and still no response. I had another idea. So we grabbed 2 long red and blue cables we found in my dad's playboy magazine box. I hooked them up to my front of my car and I yelled "Clear!"

I put the cables on his nipples and a strong electric current occurred and his body imploded, thus causing an explosion with his head being the only part of his body unaffected. The parents were looking at us angrily and we were confused. They called security and the security looked pretty buff n' tough so we were gonna play rough.

Security violently threw me through the window where shards were scattered everywhere upon my impact and I quickly got up to clear the remaining shards on me and I was very disappointed. I sought revenge for that son of a bitch, Jeff the Killer. I saw the bitch walking down my street. MY FUCKING STREET?

I pulled up to him in a black Chevy suburban, and said "YOU WALKIN' ON MY STREETZ, LIL BITCH! AHH!" I got out with a box of my old transformers and I saw him and quickly grabbed a transformer figure and tossed it at him. "Take that asshole!" I killed him. Then the police arrested me. I'm sitting next to my cellmate, bubbles. Bubbles is a big, muscular, bald and black inmate. "Who's your daddy bitch?" he asks. "Yo-you're my daddy.." I respond, in fear. "That's right.." he says, as he puts his leg over me.

The end.

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