The Scrapping of Zelda III: The Triforce Saga

I'm a total fan of Legend of Zelda, much like everyone else. I like the newer games, but I don't mind the classics. I don't think that i've ever played any scrapped Zelda games for the NES, but after the experience I had, I think I don't want to. But I actually did play the scrapped Zelda game for the NES so it WAS THE EXPERIENCE.

Zelda III was originally planned to include Kid Link, Angsty Teen Link, Adult Link, Old Fart Link, and the stages between. The game was going to be a top down puzzler which required Link to shoot his bow, slash with his sword, and solve puzzles to defeat bosses and survive. Much like any other game. But the deepest secret? It'll blow your mind. The game was going to involve Link fighting Evil Patrixxx in a dungeon and was sealed in by falling rocks. He was programmed to be a hard boss,  but no one could beat him. Something had gone amiss with the code.

Patrixxx was unkillable. Whenever you whittled down his health to the very last stages, he'd pick up Link, and eat him. As he burped, it would say Game Over. And the save file would be deleted. But this wasn't part of the game. There was a secret port to Ikana Canyon somewhere ingame, a top down beta version of it. There were graves. Interacting with them revealed the information of the saves that were ate by Evil Patrixxx. But some of them were said to be alive, and some were said to be dead.

Who's names were they though? They were the names of all the people involved in development who did the fight. All of them had stopped showing up. They contacted local investigators and they found out that they were all dead, some of them recent, some of them from up to two weeks before the investigators were contacted.

Fearing of what would happen, the developers quickly stopped working on it. Their mouths were totally sealed. However, some people found cartridges. I am one of those people. How do I know all this information? It's within the game. A warning to whoever dares play. I will be writing as I go.

I start the game. I spawned in a place called Tahed'Sv Enitleab, according to a message that appeared on screen.  With quick wit I deducted the apostrophe, and read the words to myself several times. It was an anagram. And finally, after a while I got it. Unscrambling it, I found "Death Inevitable" which could also be "Inevitable Death" I play around for a while and get used to the controls. A cinematic appeared, telling me the story I earlier told.

It ends. I hear a voice. "You look tasty, so i'm gonna make you into belly button ooze." It sounded like Patrixxx. I am teleported to a white room, with Shrek and Patrixxx blocking two doors opposite of each other. I walk to Patrixxx. It shows me the aforementioned dungeon.

I complete the puzzle, and Patrixxx appears before me. He fires belly button ooze. Before he fires, he will open his belly button. You shoot arrows in it. I did this for a while. He was at half health. I knew just what I was doing, I knew I would die. But I felt brave. He then switched to eye lazers, and I dodged carefully, shooting him in the eye. He had one heart left on him. The feared cinematic played. Patrixxx ate Link.

He burped, and my file was deleted. I heard a voice: "Enjoy what time you have left." It turned off my NES. Well, i'm not dead so it's obviously bullshit. I poured some coffee, drank it down, and relaxed on my couch. So it ends. I am currently, as I write this, still relaxing. I like to tell you of mundane shit you don't care about. Oh wait, someone just knocked on my doorbell. I'll go answer it.

You're a witness. Enjoy what time you have left.

Sincerely, Evil Patrixxx.

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