The Shadowy Standing Ass Wiper

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I was a standing ass wiper for years. At work one day, I overheard some co-workers laughing about being in the bathroom stall and seeing the shadow of someone standing up to wipe their ass.

I was petrified. It must have been me. I was the shadowy standing ass wiper.

All these years, had I been doing it wrong? I mean, that’s just how my parents used to wipe my ass when I was little so I just assumed that’s how it was to be done.

I rushed home from work and began Googling how to effectively wipe your ass. No shit.

I stumbled on a YouTube video of a kindergarten teacher who taped two balloons to the back of a chair. She then took some toilet paper, leaned to the side and demonstrated reaching behind and wiping between the two balloons.

I was AMAZED. Like holy shit, that seems so much simpler than standing up, jamming your butt cheeks back together and trying to force a wad of toilet paper in there.

PLUS I’ll never have to be known as the shadowy standing ass wiper again.

I’ve been a sitting/leaning wiper ever since.

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