The Simpsons Finale
This is a 4chan post written in late 2016 that occasionally makes the rounds on some boards. Could potentially be considered a copypasta; Uploaded here because no other site's bothered to archive it
The couch gag begins. Homer rushes in, and for thirty seconds he's just sitting there, before the music dies down and he begins looking around. No one's coming, so in the silent music, he gets up, starts walking around the house, calling them out. Still, nothing. He steps outside, Flanders is cooking BBQ. He asks if he's seen his family. Nothing. So Homer starts getting worried. Marge's car is still there, Lisa's bike and Skateboard are all present, but they've vanished.
Hours turn to days, and Homer finally calls the police. Wiggum and the crew show up and search the place, neighbors bring security cameras, nothing is found, Homer just explains what happened, and it's all for nothing. The police start asking Homer pointed questions, about his life with the family, his noted altercations and frayed marriage. When Homer realizes he's being accused of doing something he kicks the police out and tells them not to come back without a warrant. When they do and find nothing, they finally let him go, but the neighborhood's view of Homer has soured.
Homer can't focus at work, and Burns takes pity on the man for his decades of service and understanding the need to 'remove a family member' and puts Homer on leave with pay for as long as needed. Weeks turn to months, and the senile old man forgets his plant has funded the man all this time, who has now become a pariah in the community, the man who disappeared his family. Santa's Little Helper is the last emotional connection Homer has in a spiral of beer and binge TV, before the dog too passes on years later, and Homer burns the house to the ground.
*Wolf Parade - I'll Believe in Anything plays*
He takes the first bus out to see the world, to make sense of the loss he's faced. His checks become a topped up debit card, which he uses to stay in motels, hear preachers, see psychologists, travel to gurus and monks afar, all to discover the why. He takes meditation, gets in shape, and finds new friends, and almost finds love... but in a flash of blue hair all the emotions flood back and he tells her what happened. She tells him he's not to blame, terrible things happen, and it's all in the past. But Homer never mentioned the worst part. When the house burned down, the TV room wasn't burning with it. It stayed whole, like it was still waiting for something. The next day, the woman he was to fall for finds a note on the pillow and his car missing. She never sees Homer again.
Finally it's decades later and Homer is an old man. He's been running forever. An odyssey worthy of his name. And he's in the hospital. Time catches up with everyone. And the bearded ragged man is learning he's got cancer. Stage 4. He's got weeks to live. Homer takes the news well. He's been running forever. It's time to come home. He takes the first flight to Springfield.
Some things are the same, the courthouse, the statue, but all the buildings are different. No jokes, no allusions, save Todd Flanders as an old street preacher, preaching on the end of all things, that all great journeys come to an end. Homer smirks. Maybe Flanders had the answers all along. He coughs up blood. Sorry Ned, he thinks, I can't visit, I have a place to go.
He returns to the burned out junk-den of his house. It was never repaired, just left to rot like a open wound. He cuts past the fence, and walks in. The rooms are rotten, he hears laughter and howls of days gone by. And then he comes to the TV room. Nothing's changed. The couch is still fresh and pink. Homer walks in, a changed old and bitter man. And he takes a crowbar and attacks the place. He smashes the lamp, the painting, he tears at the couch, even the TV. And he screams "why wouldn't you burn? Why won't you rot? What are you waiting for! LET IT END! OH GOD, LET IT END ALREADY!!!"
"Homey! What are you doing?"
Homer looks up, Marge is standing there with a bowl of popcorn. The kids are behind her. They haven't aged a day. And the house is back to normal.
"Yeah, dad, what's with all the bad vibes? Don't have a cow, man."
Homer breaks down in tears and hugs them all.
"Oh God, Oh God I missed you. I missed you all."
"He-hey, woah, we're not- we're not going anywhere."
"Oh kids, your father's just glad to be home."
Homer didn't care what they thought, he never wanted to let go.
"Uh, dad, can we just watch some tv now?"
"Of course we can. Of course we can... we can watch it forever and ever and ever."
"Well let's go with 7:30 for now, honey."
And the kids and Marge take the tired old man back to his couch to rest. And even Santa's Little Helper comes in and jumps on Homer's lap, and with tears in his eyes, he raises the remote, as they all look at him, and he nods silently... *click*
*BAAAH BUMBUM BAH BUUUM BUM BUM BAH BUMBUMBUMBUM... BUMBUMBUMBUM BUUUM, BAH BAH BAH BUM!*
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