The Suit: A Purposely Terrible MLP Fanfiction

Discord looked over the letter again. The hoofwriting was perfect, every loop the exact same size and length, every stroke of ink the exact same thickness, every character written in perfect cursive.

He squeezed the golden ticket in his claw. The crinkling sounds echoed throughout the room.

He took a deep breath and actually read the letter aloud.

"Dear Discord, my sister Luna has advised that I invite you to this year's Grand Galloping Gala. She says it will be a good opportunity for you to interact with new ponies without posing some sort of threat. I expect you to be on your best behavior and wear something nice. More importantly, if you give me another bouquet of flowers with bees hidden inside, I will turn you back into a statue myself and put you in the Bird Sanctuary of the Canterlot Zoo.

"Also, I would like for you to actually ask somepony to tailor a suit for you. I believe that the more you talk to ponies, the more you will be able to learn about making friends with them. I truly and firmly believe that you will someday be looked upon as a benevolent creature by the citizens of Equestria. Luna believes that you will try to kill us all, but she's never been very optimistic.

"Remember: no mane pulling, no chocolate milk rain, no turning ponies into tacos... don't do anything that would scare anypony. Parlor tricks are fine, though. Be kind but firm if a journalist tries to ask about what being a tyrant was like; if you don't want to share such information, you don't have to. Simply tell them you don't want to relive it and kindly- kindly- shoo them away. Did I mention that you need to do it kindly?

"Finally, you may not bring any uninvited guest with you. That includes Fluttershy. Due to certain events at the last Grand Galloping Gala, none of the Elements of Harmony will be attending the Gala ever again. If you try to sneak Fluttershy in, you will be severely punished." Discord sighed and put the letter down. "Oh, if only there was somepony who'd make me a suit for the-"

"All right, all right, all right! Goodness gracious, Discord, all you had to do was ask!" Rarity huffed. "Now, I'll need your measurements, and perhaps an illustration of what you'd like the final product to resemble... and, of course, some sort of payment. I'm a bit busy, and I'm afraid I'll need some compensation for my work."

"But, of course! You'll be paid according to the quality of your work. I believe that's fair, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose..."

Discord gave her a crude drawing with some messily scrawled numbers on it. "Ta-ta, my dear! I'll come to pick it up in... oh, a couple of days. I need some time to make sure I can pose in it correctly." He snapped his talons and disappeared.

Rarity rolled her eyes, then looked over the paper. "Let's see... waistline is... wait, inches?! Who in all of Equestria uses inches?!"

She wrote the measurements down, converted it to metric, and tried to find a fitting mannequin. Unfortunately, she didn't have any draconequus-shaped ones, so instead she just made a tall log out of scrap fabric and ripped pillows.

"Now, let's see about the design..." Rarity picked it up using her magic and brought it closer. Her heart dropped into her hooves.

Discord had drawn arrows pointing to parts of the drawing. For the fabric, he wanted peachy pink spandex; around the sleeves, neck, waist, legs, and in a circle on the front of the chest, he wanted pea green rhinestones shaped like smiley faces; he wanted a tie with purple and red polka dots on a yellow background; and finally, the sleeves had to be dipped in nacho cheese-colored fabric paint and allowed to dry.

Rarity shivered. It sounded horrible, but she had to do it for Discord.

For her... friend.

Rarity looked at the finished product.

The sleeves were a disgustingly artificial yellow, with ugly bumps protruding like zits ready to break the skin. The tie was so big, it reached the part where the thighs were supposed to be. The legs had been slashed with scissors multiple times, according to further directions Discord had mailed her just as she thought she was finished.

It was a shiny and pink abomination.

The marshmallow-esque mare groaned and covered her eyes with her hooves. It was an absolute eyesore! Why would Discord want to wear something like it? She'd even sent him a picture of the final product; he immediately sent her back a letter thanking her multiple times and promising her valuable gems.

She paused for a moment, eying every detail of the suit to make sure she got it right. The green light reflected off the rhinestones hurt her eyes, and the laughter was making her ears almost bleed.

The laughter?

Rarity looked around the room. Her mind was playing tricks on her, giving her a taste of when the other designers learned that she was the one who made such an awful piece of clothing.

It wasn't clothing. It didn't deserve that title. It was fabric and plastic. No, just plastic. Spandex didn't count as fabric. The most hideous piece of plastic in the entire world.

She shook her head. Surely Discord was joking. He clearly must've expected her to make something more tasteful. He'd storm in, complain that he hated it despite what he'd written in the letter, and refuse to pay her for such an ugly thing. He obviously wanted her to give him something better. It was simply a test.

"Well, that frumpy old thing isn't going to get the best of Rarity," the prideful pony declared to herself. She picked up the scissors by her hooves, ready to tear the plastic to pieces. When she looked, there was nothing in her hooves.

Rarity looked down. There was nothing but the floor underneath her. The scissors were on the table directly across the room.

Right next to the suit.

Silly me, I can be so forgetful sometimes. Rarity chuckled nervously and trotted over to the table, glancing over it as she did so. Spools of brightly colored thread were lined up in order of the color wheel along the side by the wall. However, the yellow spool was between the yellow-orange and scarlet spools when it should've been behind the yellow-orange spool. Rarity corrected the mistake, then looked back at the spot where the scissors were.

They weren't there.

Instead, they were in one of the many pockets in Discord's suit.

Rarity looked back at the spot on the table where she thought the scissors had been. A patch of red fabric was there, with a silver sequin canister.

"Silly me, I must've mistaken those for the scissors," Rarity said aloud. She laughed nervously, then swallowed. The suit was facing her.

She backed away, back to the spot where she had been in the first place. The suit was still facing her. The laughter returned.

Those rhinestones are hurting my eyes... Rarity moaned and stared at the floor, wishing the suit would go away. She didn't want to touch it in order to get the scissors, and she'd forgotten she was a unicorn.

She blinked once, then twice, then thrice. The floor was pink. Peachy pink.

Rarity gagged and stared at the ceiling. The light was green. Pea green.

When Rarity shut her eyes because of the bright light, purple and red splotches meandered across her vision.

She screamed and shook her head to and fro, afraid to open her eyes.

When she finally did open them, the suit was right in front of her, just barely two centimeters away. It was laughing again, a deep laugh that seemed to come from the pits of Tartarus itself. Tirek, Echidna, Typhon, every evildoer that had ever ended up in that eternal prison was contributing to it. It echoed across the room, sticking itself inside her head, repeating constantly, every different voice having a chance to laugh louder than the other at some point. It was the most horrific cacophony she'd ever heard, and she'd heard Scootaloo singing.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Rarity burst into tears and put her hooves over her ears. The laughing became louder.

Sobbing, the white unicorn curled up into a ball and rocked back and forth, trying to stay sane despite the demonic medley echoing inside of her.

I wish I'd ripped up the entire suit when I had the chance... Her eyes stung, but she managed to make out the blurry red-and silver of her scissors right next to her hoof. Shaking, she slowly picked it up off the ground and got onto her hooves.

Carefully, carefully, she picked it up using her magic and opened the blades. She shut them, opened them, shut them, opened them, just to make sure they were actually there. She was actually holding the scissors.

She had a chance.

Triumphantly, she slashed at the piece of abominable plastic. It was her turn to laugh. Laugh as she destroyed what had brought her the most misery in her life. She could hear the laughter fade, replaced by cries and pleading for mercy.

"I will show you no mercy," Rarity cried. "I... will... destroy..."

She was being far too careless. One particularly wild swing sent the scissors out the window, letting in a bright green light.

Pea green.

Rarity shrieked and covered her eyes. When she took her hooves away, the world around her had a peachy tinge. An awful, peachy tinge accompanied by a bright pea green light. It was absolutely disgusting.

She stumbled backwards, straight into the suit. She screamed and galloped into the wall.

The pony groaned and closed her eyes for just a moment. She was so tired. All this work was going to her head, driving her crazy. She just needed a nap.

The laughter destroyed her rest.

It was deeper than before and distorted, much like the music at nightclubs she once frequented as a teenager. It was terrible. She opened her eyes. The suit was everywhere. The walls were made of it. The floors were made of it. Even the air she breathed was peachy pink, pea green, bright red and purple, with spandex and rhinestones everywhere, not to mention pockets and nacho-cheese yellow. Rarity choked on it. Somehow, it was inside of her.

And it was growing.

She could feel it. it was a parasite, and she was its host. It would corrupt her. It would turn her into a suit.

Horrified, Rarity gasped for air and fell into a pit, a pit lined with the suit. The plastic. The horrible, terrible, awful, disgusting abomination.

Rarity began screaming. She screamed until her throat was raw. She had reached the end, the end where everything was the suit. She looked down at herself. She was only the suit.

Words couldn't describe her feelings. She was petrified, ready to vomit, almost ready to take her own life. But she was simply a suit. Suits did not have lives.

She had become her worst enemy.

She fainted.

~~~

Discord walked in, only to see Rarity passed out on the ground of the boutique next to his suit. He shrugged, dropped a bag of emeralds next to the still body, took the suit off the mannequin, and left with it.

What a nice suit, he thought to himself.

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