The Why the Hell Would You Play This Game Game
Note: this is an official sequel to How to Summon Colonel Sanders, despite having nothing to do with it. Thx and plz enjoy.
So I was looking through the The Pasta Inutilis Ritualia Apta Troglodytarum one day when I found another ritual that I thought would be as bone chillingly epic, powerful, wondrous, and overpowered as the Summon Colonel Sanders ritual. It was simply called The Why the Hell Would You Play This Game Game. I flipped through the instructions and discovered something; not only is there nothing to gain from this, it also has a 666% chance to kill you. A lot of rituals on the inferior creepypasta wiki have this to, but a superior trollpasta ritual? This is maddening! So I decided to copy and paste this ritual onto this website because... hey, why not. But don't play it, or else you will become skeleton.
Firstly, here is what you will need to start the game
- A Ouija board translated to Mandalorian
- A Voodoo doll of Leif Garret
- A king-size bag of mini-Reese's peanut butter cups
- 1 gallon of 3 year old cranberry juice
- A plastic fork
Next, we will need to set up the ritual. However, first, we must actually immediately perform the first part. Use the Mandalorian Ouija board to contact the dead spirit of Leif Garret's popularity. The popularity is rather pissed 99% of the time, so be careful. Place the cursor on the letter W. After you do this, move the letters to type out the following: "Io, Garrett, et a LXX scriptor chorus O moventur, quia non potes expectare tuus mortuus est ita popularis quod factum est ad XC scriptor lapsum ex fide spem iustitiae expectamus mollis et delicatus. Charmin similem latrinariam" Then, Leif Garret's popularity will type the following back to you: "Heus, Asinus asinorum, et mortuus sum ad litteram LXX scriptor reliquum est in inferno ardere? Nolite quaeso illudant mihi. Quid, nisi quod ludere vis ludus ludi ad inferos An tu Ludus. Sed valde dubito..." Immediately move the cursor over "yes" and move it back and forth from letter O and yes exactly 25 times in 5 seconds. If you succeed, you will get the following response; "Deus, tu stultus. Bene, te decet, ego coniecto..." You now have Leif Garret's Popularity's permission to set up the rest of the ritual.
If you successfully do the above, do the following:
- Use the plastic fork to cut a hole into the Leif Garret Voodoo dolls chest (this will not harm Leif Garret).
- Fill the doll with 29 mini-Reese's peanut butter cups. These represent Leif's Popularity's favorite snack.
- Then, drench the doll with the entire gallon of 3-year old cranberry juice. This represent hyper-realistic blood because OOOOOOOH!!!1
- Stitch it closed with a thread from the sock you are currently wearing right now. If you are not wearing a sock, use your armpit hair instead. This represents... I don't know, but does it matter?
- Stab the Voodoo doll with you plastic fork 343 times. Then say, "Some mothafucka's are always trying to ice skate uphill". This represents a Blade reference.
- Hide in your garage's attic. If your garage does not have an attic, hide in your refrigerator instead. This represents you trying not to die.
After this, you have just allowed Leif Garret's Popularity to enter your home. He will immediately raid your fridge and drink all your milk straight from the carton. Then he will gouge out you brain and eat it like a Mind Flayer. If you are not in your refrigerator, he will craft a flamethrower out of your cheese and enter your garage's attic, burning the entire thing down. It is impossible to win this game, and you will die no matter what if you decide to do this. Only one person has survived, and even then that is only because The Shinger and EVIL PATRIXXX both intervened at the same time. The guy received no reward for surviving the game. Enjoy your game of The Why the Hell Would You Play This Game Game!
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