The Wompon Cookie Factory

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May 2nd 2021: The Wompon Cookie has shut down after seventy-two years of loyal cookie service. It all started when an inebriated employee began to tap dance down the assembly line. The other workers stolidly paid no mind, since they thought he had no chance of getting past the Scrambler. Due to the tap dancing, he made it through with hardly a scratch. However, his impressive moves were merely a petty plaything in the might grip of fate. The employee ended up breaking several machines down the lines before coming to his senses and running for dear life. The assembly line was bottlenecked, so the mob outside did not receive their daily shipment of cookies. They became ticked and entered the factory in an aggressive, cookie-induced fugue. A presence of mind and lightning decision-making skills were displayed by the mob which I, as a critic, found deeply satisfying. Initially the factory administration were immediate targets, and the mob showed brilliance by shifting attackers so that someone less tired would replace someone who had been fighting for a while, but the real beauty lay in their next strategy. Mobbers hit upon an idea on the spot that if the children and more popular figures were assaulted immediately, the older men and women with more traditional ideas about the parent-child bond would have less to fight for. This was used to great effect, and the triumphal march of the final movement—killing 'ol Sam Goodwill, the life of the cookie party—exhibited a fine blend of technical mastery and artistic expression. The Wompon Cookie Factory issued a formal resignation.



Credited to stacker9 

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