The oldest trick in le book

Hi, I'm Jean-Édouard and I am a sexy French boy from France. The following story, though, has little to do with me. It's the story of my friend Kyle (let's just call him like that for now) and his late friend Paul.

He told me about this a little while before he died. In junior high school, which we call college over here, Kyle was quite unfriendly. He was even the meanest bully around: making "your mom is so fat" jokes at nerds, throwing maroons at nerds, pulling on the towel of nerds in the changing room and so no. His best buddy was Paul. Together they pretty much were king in the castle, king in the castle (and without a chair!). However, there was one girl they couldn't fight against, and that was Caroline.

Caroline was a terrifying enemy to those two boys. Her hair was pitch black, her eyes were even blacker and her skin was as pale as the one of a ghost. She always wore black clothes and glared at anyone who would look at her the wrong way. Sometimes, she would sit alone in the recreational space, facing a blank wall and talking, as if she was discussing with some unseen person. Kyle told me that at the time, rumor was going around that she could talk to ghosts. He was kind of scared of the idea, so much so that he started having nightmares at night.

One day, Paul suggested they go and tackle her. Uncomfortable with the idea but not wanting to pass for a pussy, the teenager went along. She was facing the wall, she was talking in a raspy voice as usual, when both of them walked up behind her and pushed her on the ground. She fell face first and started crying, having scrapped her forehead and knees. She was bleeding hyper-realistically.

"You're so mean!! Why did you do that to me!!!", she screamed as they laughed, mocking her. Some other children had approached the scene. "Respond to me now, Kyle! Paul!!", she then yelled, all serious all of a sudden. They stopped laughing and looked at her, spooked. "You... you shall pay for this, you little shits!!" Angry that she dared fight back, Paul walked up to her and seized her by the neck, but Kyle didn't move an inch, having a hard time processing what was going on. "You bitch, what did you just call me?", Paul asked, growling like a mad dog. "A little shit, because that's what you are!!" She then spit on his face and everyone cheered, as no one had ever dared to oppose them. Humiliated, Kyle and Paul had to go to the chairman of their school and were expelled 3 days for having caused injuries to another student.

Their revenge would come in a fitting matter... whoops, I misspelled that: manner*.

Indeed, they planned to do "the oldest trick in the book" at her house as soon as the following day. This trick, in case you live under a rock, is also called the "dog shit in a bag on fire" trick and other variants. The idea is to put a bag of dog shit on fire in front of someone's front door, ring the bell and voila! Your enemy should be humiliated for many many years to come. Kyle had brought the poop bag and Paul the fire and a bit of vodka he had stolen from his father to make shinier flames. They had been able to get to Caroline's house easily through the wood behind it. It was pretty isolated and looked old, like a farmhouse that had been rebuilt ages ago. They got to the front hiding in the bushes and quickly noticed the parents car was gone. "Dude! You'd told me your mom had cancelled her bakery sale because of what happened yesterday! They should be home!!", said Paul after having elbowed him in the arm. "I know dude, but maybe they've gone in town or something, they'll probably come home soon enough", said Kyle before sticking the bag in his friend's face, who jumped back smelling what was inside. "Fuck, what does your dog eat???" "I know right. Dude I came all the way here holding a bag of shit with me, I'm not leaving until we're done with her.", Kyle said.

They waited for a while, preparing their awesome prank, but nothing came. However, as he looked up at the house, Kyle saw a shadow move behind the curtains. It moved again, and he was certain of it, there was someone in there. He looked at his friend and told him to check it out, but Paul didn't notice it, looked all around and again, the shadow passed. "I'm not kidding, there's someone in there, it's gotta be Caroline!", said Kyle hurriedly to Paul. "Come on, go, before she sees us!!"

Paul took no rest and moved to the door, lit the bag that instantly grew into a small fire and ran back into the bushes. However, nobody came after he'd rung the bell. For a moment, they waited, but still the door wasn't opening... and it was starting to take fire. "Shit, shit, we've set the house on fire!! You ducking idiot, didn't you tell me someone was up there??" Paul started beating the shit out of Kyle, but stopped when they both heard what seemed to be screams of fear and pain. They looked at the house, the fire kept spreading faster and faster. Paul suddenly rushed to the house and opened the door, jumping inside of the fire. The screams became angry at this instant, so loud it seemed to pierce Kyle's eardrums. He couldn't move, even seeing himself a little, witnessing his awful friend going into the house. He thought he had to run away, run as fast as he could, but he was frozen.

Suddenly, a dark inflamed figure ran out of the house screaming in pain. He recognized Paul's voice, and his friend ran towards him after having tried to stop the flames from eating his skin away. He tripped and fell, the flames slowly dissipating. Kyle then looked with horror as his friend literally liquefied in front of him, becoming a literal piece of shit, smell included.

Kyle stayed in shock after this. Turns out the house was empty, as Caroline's dad had gone to the emergencies for a really explosive diarrhea. Kyle told no one about Paul's state, knowing damn well that he wouldn't be believed.

When he told me about his story, he didn't expect me to believe him. And to be honest, I thought it was all a joke, a really tasteless joke. He thought he had been cursed by Caroline, that day they pushed her, and that she had summoned a shit spirit to hunt him down. He had nightmares, saw himself drowning in a lake of shit, of himself eating shit and usually woke up from his dreams having pissed himself.

He died slipping on dog shit and hitting his head on the pavement. That convinced me.

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