The thirstiest are those that don't drink water

"Damn, I'm thirsty." I thought to myself as I got home from my first day of school. I go into the fridge looking for a sweet drink. All the same stuff in there though. OJ, purple stuff, Kool-Aid, bull semen, my dads severed head, appl... MY DADS SEVERED HEAD!!!

"MOMMMMMMM," I screamed. "I need you to come see this!!"

My mom sprinted into the kitchen. "What's wrong sweetie?!?!?"

"Dad's head, it's in the refrigerator!" I yelled, short of breath from the shock. "If you let it thaw its going to start to decay!"

"Oh Jimathy, you silly goose," she said condescendingly, "I put it in the fridge to thaw so we could have it for dinner tonight."

"Oh, silly me," I said, embarrassed from overreacting. "Mother, can we have it in Hamburger Helper?"

"Well," she said thoughtfully," it would be the most help he ever provided.

We laughed and laughed, like a cheesy sitcom laugh.

"Mom, I am still thirsty." I whined like a little bitch.

"Did you drink any water today?" She asked pouring a glass from the pitcher.

"Mom, you know I am allergic to water." I said with a giggle.

"I know, Jimathy, I know. Go take a bath, it will make you feel better." She said slyly.

"Oh mom," I said with a grin, "always trying to get me to die so you can harvest my organs for that Lamborghini you always wanted.

This story was brought to you by Brita Water Pitchers. 'Don't be an asshole, drink water, you dumb dumb. But not tap water, what are you, poor and stupid?'

It was also brought to you by the Counsel of people with Aquagenic urticaria. 'OWWWW Water Hurttsssss'

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Credited to grghbbs 

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