The truth behind "Mario"

How I got the game.

I suppose you've all heard of "Mario", and I suppose you all recognise it as a friendly game fun for the family... Right? Well there is more to what meets the eye. It was my 18th birthday. I had finally completed my transformation into a big boy. My birthday party was hosted by me, around the back of Chuck E Cheese. Nobody came... As the sunset, I decided to go back home, to my mother's basement (where I stay locked up for most of the year apart from when it's my birthday or Christmas). But as I entered my street I was dick slapped across the face. I smiled was it my only friend who accompanied me when I was nine years old? To my grief it was not Shrek. In fact it was Old man Jenkins, he was naked and saggy. "GET OFF ME YOU UNDERCOOKED BONER!" I roared. He farted and something hard landed on me, he turned to ash. I looked down, it was "New super Mario bros." !!!! I was so happy, that I had a gift.

The truth...

As I started a new game, I knew something was not right. There was mushrooms EVERYWHERE. EVERY FUCKING PLACE I LOOKED THERE WAS MUSHROOMS! WHAT KIND OF GAME WAS THIS??? EVERYONE HATES MUSHROOMS!!!! THE MUSHROOMS WERE OF ALL DIFFERENT SHAPES, SIZES, COLOURS AND MOTHERS. I clutched my heart so tight, I almost ripped it out! I was even saying the words from Indiana Jones and the temple of doom "KALI MA". This game had already gotten to the core of my soul, it feasted on my fear. Everywhere I looked, all I could see was... Mushrooms. I cried, tears streamed down my face and onto the mushroom. AGH!!! I needed to concentrate, to beat the army of mushrooms that were seducing my political views. That night I didn't get any sleep, all I could think about were the mushrooms. There was even mushrooms with legs. I imagined them twerking all over my body. I feinted, the mushrooms had fought their way into my dreams. Haunting me day and night, all I could see was those god forsaken mushrooms... MUSHROOM MUSHROOM MUSHROOM MUSHROOM HAHAHAHAHA. I apologise I went a bit crazy there, you see this is one fucked up game. As I awoke, I knew what had to be done. I had to complete the game.

My imprisonment...

I have been playing this game for over 30 years now without sleep. With only my piss to drink and mushrooms to eat. I think I've finally just gotten over my mushroom problem as well as the first level. As I proceeded through the game, things became more and more fucked up. I've begun hallucinating, seeing little mushroom men who want to help me in finding some princess which is irrelevant to the actual storyline. I've been hearing voices, telling me how these mushroom men will betray me, and come for me in the real world if I don't do something. Recently I have come across a level which is too much for me. I didn't notice them at first as I passed through the corridors of this abandoned house. But there was a haunting atmosphere in that damned place that gave me chills up my spine then back down again, then the chills went up my butt hole and engulfed my cock. I have a chilly willy now. I didn't see them but I felt them. I DON'T KNOW HOW I DID BUT I FELT THEM, WATCHING ME LIKE THEY WERE FUCKING TOYING WITH ME. I KNEW THEY WERE THERE!!!!! When I finally saw them, I froze, and my 1 inch warrior fell off from the frostbite of my terrified chills. They were ghost like predators that crept on you while they were unseen. But when they knew you were watching them, they stopped, disguised themselves and vanished like my parents used to. I don't know how those bastards or my parents did it, but it is a mystery that has boggled me through most of my life. As I froze, I felt liquid trickling down my face, as my vision faded. I realised these were not tears, these were my eyes... They had melted from the intense pressure that my fragile body couldn't cope with. The window of the basement opened and my lifeless body flew out. I drifted through the air like the feather off the Forrest Gump intro. My body split open as beetles came out and showed the Earth below. The beetles turned into the machines off war of the worlds. My aunt Bessie flew by and was devoured by my armpit. But then out of the blue he came to me and spoke the ancient forgotten words of man. As the light opened up and grew brighter, my body danced, morphed and exploded into 1 million years of darkness.

It's all mushroom now...

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