The truth behind banana's curves
I'm risking my own life writing this, but the truth needs to be told. The truth about bananas. My name is Banana Johnson. I own a small Banana farm. I sell my bananas to Satt Than Bananas, who control about 95% of the banana market. Satt Than originally funded my farm. They are the ones that made my dream come true. My dream to sell big, long and girthy bananas. I now, however, realize that having a banana farm is no dream. It's a nightmare.
When I opened my banana farm, a representative by the name of Louis Cypher visited my farm. He gave me two instructions. First, I needed to inject the bananas with something they called MCS. According to them, it enhanced the flavor of the banana. Secondly, they told me to slightly bend my bananas daily, so they would grow to have the beautiful, sexy curve. That's right. Bananas don't naturally have their curve. It's a conspiracy. One covered by all banana farmers across the world. But that's not all. This MCS, it was no flavor enhancer. Out of curiosity, I tried some. I was curious about the taste. It, however, had no taste at all. There was something wrong with all of this, so I went to Satt Than Bananas to investigate.
I secretly broke into Satt Than Bananas at night. When I found their archive room, I started looking for documents related to MCS. That's when I found it. A document called Satan Bananas. I was shocked. I opened the file and started reading.
The document explained that that Satt Than Bananas was actually called Satan Bananas. And you know who the CEO of Satan Bananas is? It's Lucifer. The devil himself runs the entire banana industry. I kept on reading. The document explained that MCS stands for Mind Control Serum. Lucifer was using bananas to mind control people. The document also explained why I needed to bend the bananas. Bananas don't grow curved naturally, like I mentioned before. The document started explaining that nobody wants straight bananas. Think about it. Imagine a straight banana. It's fucking disgusting. Nobody would buy that! People only want the bananas with the sexy curves. So, Lucifer told all his farmers to bend the bananas. Then they would sell more, and he could mind control more people. So basically, I have helped Lucifer mind control the population by making curved bananas.
I was shocked to hear this. But then, Louis Cypher entered the room. "Louis!" I called out, in a surprised voice. "What's going on?". "My name is not Louis Cypher" he said. "My name is Lucifer. By now, you must know about my plan. My plan to rule this earth through bananas". "Why, Lucifer?" I cried out. "Why use the beauty of bananas for your evil deeds?" Lucifer started to explain. "Are you familiar with the story of Adam and Eve? A snake tempted Adam to eat the apple, which angered God. Both were then kicked out of paradise. But I did not tempt Adam to eat an apple. I tempted him to eat a banana! So, I will keep using bananas to rebel against God! I will create banana hell on earth!"
After Lucifer stopped talking, I started running. Running out of Satan Bananas. There is nothing I could do to stop Lucifer and his evil banana. All I can do is tell the truth. If you eat a curved banana, Lucifer will control your mind.
Written by EvilLuigi.EXE
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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