The truth behind banana's curves 2, The return of Jesus
My name is Banana Johnson. I was on the run from the CEO of Satan Bananas, Lucifer, for about two months. That’s when it came to me. He visited me in a dream. It was Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong explained to me how he was actually Jesus, the son of God. They were waiting for a champion to appear. A champion to defeat Satan Bananas. I was their champion. They told me they hid something called the Holy Banana in Mount Paektusan, a volcano located in the holy land of North Korea. The Holy Banana was the only artifact that could defeat Satan Bananas. When I woke up, I knew what I had to do. I had to find the Holy Banana and safe Bananakind from the hands of Satan Bananas. Oh, and while I’m at it, might as well save the mind-controlled humans from Lucifer. But that’s a lot less important.
On my long and painful travels, I encountered many demons. They tried to tempt me with the most beautiful bananas I had ever seen. But I knew those bananas were filled with their mind control serum. So, I committed the most horrific sin a man could commit. I destroyed their bananas. It hurts me to crush such beauties, but it had to be done for the greater good.
Once I finally arrived at Mount Paektusan, I noticed a dark energy coming from the center of the volcano. But I had to press on. When I arrived at the top of the volcano, I finally found it. A banana emitting a bright, white glow, floating above the crater. I somehow had to get it, without falling into the volcano. I said a small prayer: “May the father, Donkey Kong and the Holy Banana watch over me.”
I was preparing to jump to the Holy Banana, until I heard someone calling out to me from behind. “Not so fast.” the voice said. When I turned around, I saw an ape with a mustache. “I was sent here to stop you.” “Who are you? Who sent you here?” I yelled at him. “I am what you humans refer to as Judas. I am the one responsible for Donkey Kong Jesus’ death. I was sent here by the dark lord himself.” Lucifer must have sent him to stop me. I battled Judas on top of Mount Paektusan. I quickly noticed he was too strong. I could not defeat Judas without the help of the Holy Banana. So, I turned my back to Judas and leapt to the Holy Banana. I was barely able to catch it and just managed to grab on to the edge of the crater before I fell. I tried to pull myself up, but then, Judas appeared at the edge of the crater. “It seems like you made the jump. But, you won’t hold on for much longer.” Judas stepped on my fingers, which led me to slip off the edge. I knew I was about to die. So, in a last attempt to survive, I ate the Holy Banana while I was falling into the volcano. When I was done eating, I started to float. A white glow appeared around me, and I grew wings made out of banana peels. I flew out of the volcano. Judas was still standing there, with a surprised look on his face. “This is it Judas! I will defeat you with the power of Bananas!” I raised my hand in the air, and a Spear with a straight banana as a tip appeared in my hand. “You will die at the point of the Spear of Bananaginus, Judas!” Afterwards I stabbed Judas to death.
After this ordeal, Donkey Kong appeared in front of me. “Well done, Banana Johnson” he said. “You defeated Judas and gained the power of the Holy Banana. From now on, you will be known as the Banana Johnson, the Archangel of Bananas. Now, it’s time for your final quest. You must defeat Lucifer and bring down Satan Bananas!” To be continued…
Written by EvilLuigi.EXE
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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